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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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kayla_dswizzle Offline
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Unhappy Sometimes... it feels like it didn't happen - October 23rd 2016, 11:33 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

A year ago, I separated from my husband. I was all over the place emotionally. I was in love with my roommate and it was unrequited. One night he went out with another friend of mine and was out al night long, when my friends wife told me they went to the bar, I gto angry. Then, I got drunk. This guy I had kind of sort of been talking to hit me up. I had him pick me up and we rode around for awhile. I was blasted. Like so drunk I could barely see straight. He took me back to his place and we watched a movie. When the time came and I was ready to go home... He flipped.
He said, "I didn't drive all the way to your house and pick you a$$ up to get nothing."
I said, "I just wanted to blow off some steam and hang out, I am ready to go home. Take me home."
He proceeded to rip my clothes off and then I blacked out. When I came to, he was putting my in the shower... He left me to clean myself up and I held back the tears.
On the way to my house, I had him play a song. Velvet, by Stoney LaRue.
Here I walk, an empty shell even though
It's hard to tell this lonesome hand
It's taken it's toll and I just don't know how far it can go
Well come down and watch your first step
Don't do anything you might regret
Cause you're much too innocent to suffer
It wasn't all sunny days
Picking through your memories
Oh the rain came down and you covered me in velvet
Oh you covered me in velvet
There you are it's like a song I heard
In a smoky bar where the whiskey stirred
Just like my heart and it's dancing alone
And it seems like it just won't ever end
Well come down and watch your first step
Don't do anything you might regret
Cause you're just much too innocent to suffer
It wasn't all sunny days
Picking through your memories
Oh the rain came down and you covered me in velvet
Oh you covered me in velvet
Another turn, another cautious step
Will we ever learn just how lonesome can get
You caught me running, running away
And I just don't know how long I can stay
Well come down and watch your first step
Don't do anything you might regret
Cause you're much too innocent to suffer
And it wasn't all sunny days
Picking through your memories
Oh the rain came down and you covered me in velvet
Oh you covered me in velvet
Oh you covered me in velvet
In velvet
In velvet
It got me home, he didn't even pull up my driveway. He dropped me up. As I walked up my driveway barefoot and dripping wet from the shower, I saw my friend and roommate sitting outside. My roomie looked me up and down and down.
He said, "Looks like you had fun."
I sat down on the tailgate of my truck and he went in the house and passed out. My other friend asked me what happened. I told him everything. I cried and cried. I couldn't stop the tears. His wife asked me about my night the next day, I told her what happened.
She said, "Well, you got in his truck. You knew what was going to happen. It was consensual till you didn't want it anymore."

That's how I feel. I feel like I knew better than to climb into his car. I guess I have made peace with the fact I knew better, and I just acted on impulse. It gets to me,I still can't listen to that song.... I just wanted to share my story. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
   
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cynefin Offline
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Re: Sometimes... it feels like it didn't happen - October 24th 2016, 11:30 PM

Hey,

I know how hard it can sometimes be to share your story but I hope you found sharing it helpful.

I am sorry you went though this and I'm sorry about the response you got when you told someone about it. It was highly insensitive, probably due to lack of education or ignorance on their part. Yes, you did get in the truck, but that doesn't make any of this your fault. Someone violated you in a horrible way and the blame belongs on that person and not on you.

It's difficult to feel like this never happened and that could be because you blacked out to protect yourself during the event. Maybe you can continue to tell your story while practicing grounding techniques to keep yourself more present so you can slowly begin to accept what has happened to you. Counseling is something to consider if that is an option for you.


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RedRoseRaven Offline
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Re: Sometimes... it feels like it didn't happen - October 26th 2016, 04:46 AM

I am so sorry this happened to you. Honey, I need to tell you something very important. You did nothing wrong. This is not your fault. You are the one who was hurt. He is a criminal. He hurt you and apparently everyone around you is incredibly stupid. You. did. nothing. wrong. Please listen to me. Please. You didn't do anything wrong. It is not your fault that a man hurt you. You know, that this is not your fault. You know that you didn't do anything wrong, he did. He. Did. Not you. Please believe me. I know the feelings you are struggling with, and I know that the emotion and what people have told you can override your logical mind, but please, try to remember. You did not do anything wrong, it will take time for you to recover, but you can. And the first step to recovery is knowing that you didn't do anything wrong.


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Celyn Offline
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Re: Sometimes... it feels like it didn't happen - October 30th 2016, 03:05 PM

I'm really sorry to hear what you have been through, and the response that you got. As it's been said, it's likely that they don't really understand the situation.

It's not your fault, even though you got in his truck. You were already drunk, he knew that, and planned on taking you back to his place knowing that you wouldn't really be able to consent given that you were drunk.

I'm really glad that you shared your story with us. It can really help being able to talk about what you have been through. I also agree with looking into counselling, as it might help you to recover from what you went through.


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