TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
it was a sad day's Avatar
 

Posts: 35
Join Date: April 24th 2016

Exclamation Friend May Get Sexually Abused - November 7th 2016, 04:59 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is a long one, and I really need help, this is very urgent. To begin, my friend, let's call her Friend 1, was in a relationship with my closest friend, Friend 2. I also have another very close friend, Friend 3. Friend 3 actually ended up cheating on Friend 1 with Friend 2, which was a very bad mistake. But now, Friend 1, is telling me that when she was in the relationship, she was actually being sexually abused by Friend 2; he would force her to do things on webcam which was supposedly only a 'one time thing' but turned regular. Whenever she said no he would ask her for a reason and then say it wasn't good enough, he made her go to a lake alone with him and he ended up touching her under her bathing suit when she didn't want him to. She says that there is more but she doesn't want to tell me, she says there was no actual sex (as far as I know). So now, she was telling me not to tell anyone else, but I just . . . I HAD to. I needed to protect Friend 3, because she may get abused by Friend 2 as well in the future. I told her, she is frightened but not as frightened as she should be. She said she will be careful but I know I need to do more. I want to tell an adult, but Friend 1 begged me not to. What should I do? Should I tell an adult and betray Friend 1 for Friend 3's safety. To add to this, I am trying my best to stay away from Friend 2 but I do not know if I should warn all my other friends about him, I also sent a nasty text telling him that if he hurts Friend 3 in any way I will stop talking to him, which I already want to. Please help!

Last edited by it was a sad day; November 7th 2016 at 11:19 PM. Reason: Adding something to post
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
Verbal venom.

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 9,746
Blog Entries: 1469
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Friend May Get Sexually Abused - November 8th 2016, 12:37 AM

I think you should encourage your friend to speak to an adult about her experiences. However, I don't suggest telling anyone unless she is a danger to herself or someone else is currently a danger to her (for instance, if she's still talking to friend two). Your friend needs you, and while telling an adult could be helpful, she is likely to feel betrayed and it is important for her to seek help when she feels she is ready.

It was nice of you to speak to your other friend and it's nice of you to want to warn other people, however, you're not obligated to and you're not responsible for the safety of other people. Instead of warning your other friends, maybe you can speak to an adult and tell them that this person has harmed someone without revealing who they harmed. This way, your friend's identity is safe and someone is aware that your other friend has been harming people and it can be taken care of.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Always * Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
Always *'s Avatar
 
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Hogwarts

Posts: 3,186
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: April 12th 2012

Re: Friend May Get Sexually Abused - November 8th 2016, 01:26 AM

Please don't tell everyone. I know your doing it to protect everyoneelse but it's also not your story to tell. I know I'd be so ashamed if my friend had gone around babbling to everyone about how my ex was mentally and sexually abusive in the name of protecting everyone, but obviously with no concern for protecting me. The reality is that telling these girls about 1 guy won't stop them from getting hurt, inevitably, they have to protect themselves. It's sort of like how your friend isn't taking you seriously about this guy, so at this point all you can do is make sure she's ok and be there for her.

Just please don't run around telling him. Tarnishing his good name and protecting everyone else is not protecting her. Right now, she's probably dealing with a lot of trauma and shame. She might not even know how she feels and I can easily see this becoming a situation where she feels invisible and humiliated by having her negate experiences trudged around for all to know about. You need to prioritize her right now. Let her know you're there for her.

She doesn't need to tell an adult if she doesn't want to; I sure as hell never did. Again, this isn't your story to tell and she's not in immediate danger to herself or by him. If she's struggling, she needs to consider talking to a therapist to help work through the trauma. And that's the only adult I think you should strongly encourage her to speak to if she wants to.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
2 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
it was a sad day's Avatar
 

Posts: 35
Join Date: April 24th 2016

Re: Friend May Get Sexually Abused - November 8th 2016, 03:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Always * View Post
Please don't tell everyone. I know your doing it to protect everyoneelse but it's also not your story to tell. I know I'd be so ashamed if my friend had gone around babbling to everyone about how my ex was mentally and sexually abusive in the name of protecting everyone, but obviously with no concern for protecting me. The reality is that telling these girls about 1 guy won't stop them from getting hurt, inevitably, they have to protect themselves. It's sort of like how your friend isn't taking you seriously about this guy, so at this point all you can do is make sure she's ok and be there for her.

Just please don't run around telling him. Tarnishing his good name and protecting everyone else is not protecting her. Right now, she's probably dealing with a lot of trauma and shame. She might not even know how she feels and I can easily see this becoming a situation where she feels invisible and humiliated by having her negate experiences trudged around for all to know about. You need to prioritize her right now. Let her know you're there for her.

She doesn't need to tell an adult if she doesn't want to; I sure as hell never did. Again, this isn't your story to tell and she's not in immediate danger to herself or by him. If she's struggling, she needs to consider talking to a therapist to help work through the trauma. And that's the only adult I think you should strongly encourage her to speak to if she wants to.
I see your point, and for now I won't go telling anyone else except for maybe what the poster above said about letting them know that Friend 2 has hurt someone but not who they've hurt. The reason I was trying to protect Friend 3 is because she and Friend 2 are currently on there way into a relationship, and I certainly don't want the same thing happening to her. Thanks for the help and shoot me back a reply if you can.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
it was a sad day's Avatar
 

Posts: 35
Join Date: April 24th 2016

Re: Friend May Get Sexually Abused - November 8th 2016, 05:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassado View Post
I think you should encourage your friend to speak to an adult about her experiences. However, I don't suggest telling anyone unless she is a danger to herself or someone else is currently a danger to her (for instance, if she's still talking to friend two). Your friend needs you, and while telling an adult could be helpful, she is likely to feel betrayed and it is important for her to seek help when she feels she is ready.

It was nice of you to speak to your other friend and it's nice of you to want to warn other people, however, you're not obligated to and you're not responsible for the safety of other people. Instead of warning your other friends, maybe you can speak to an adult and tell them that this person has harmed someone without revealing who they harmed. This way, your friend's identity is safe and someone is aware that your other friend has been harming people and it can be taken care of.
Friend 1 and Friend 2 are now trying to make up, though Friend 1 is reluctant, and stay friends. Does this put her in any danger? *NOTE, PLEASE READ : She says he was crying in a Skype call and said that he would never expect her to talk about if he hurt Friend 3, and she still is keeping her guard around him and does not trust him as much.

Last edited by it was a sad day; November 8th 2016 at 05:47 PM.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
abuse, abused, betrayal, cheating, friend, frightened, important, relationship, sexual, sexually, urgent

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.