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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Question Was it sexual assault?... [M] - December 8th 2016, 12:46 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well, I recently remembered an experience that happened when I was younger; I only remembered it now because I'm certain I wiped it form my memory on purpose as I was embarassed. Now it's come back to me and I'm ashamed.

When I was about 6 or 7 years old I was left home alone with my older half-brother (who was about 12-13) and his friend. They were playing with his Playstation and I wanted to join in so I walked into his room and asked if I could stay there with them. My brother refused to let me stay at first but then his friend whispered something to him and I begged to stay again, so my brother told me I could only stay if I did certain things... I was confused at first but he said that I would have to go if I didn't do what he wanted so I agreed, not knowing what he wanted me to do. So he stood up and pulled his trousers and underwear down and told me to give him a blowjob. I didn't know what it meant so he explained and told me I had to do it. I didn't want to and refused but he walked closer and told me I had to so I reluctantly did... I ended up not doing it "properly" so he told me I had to do it again but for longer and "better". So I did and I ended up crying and feeling really embarrassed because they were both watching me the whole time and laughing and I didn't even know what I was doing or how bad and wrong it was. He told me never to tell anyone. It still haunts me to think about it now and I can't believe how stupid I was and I feel so ashamed to talk about it. This is the first time I've ever revealed that this happened.

What I want to know is, was this sexual assault? Or because we were both minors, was it just kids being dumb? Or what else would this be classified as?
   
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Re: Was it sexual assault?... [M] - December 8th 2016, 11:20 AM

I'm sorry to hear about what happened when you were younger. Sexual assault is any sexual contact (or non-contact) that you didn't consent to, felt uncomfortable with and pressured into. In your case, you couldn't consent because not only were you underage but you didn't know what it meant anyway, so yes, it would be sexual assault.

It's definitely not 'kids being dumb'. It's not experimenting either as children are naturally curious and may touch themselves or play games that might involve touching e.g. doctor. But this usually only takes place with children of similar ages (e.g. a year or two apart) and does not involve knowledge of specific sexual acts. However, your half brother, though underage, was significantly older than you. I'm guessing this would be classed as child-on-child sexual abuse. You are not stupid at all. You were only 6 or 7, that's very young and it's natural that you wouldn't have been aware that what was going on was actually abusive.

You have a lot of courage to reach out on a forum and talk about this for the first time. I know it's not easy to talk about, and you may worry about all sorts of things. I want you to understand though that there is no need to be ashamed- you didn't do anything wrong here. If anything, your half brother should be ashamed. I'm wondering if you would consider talking to a counsellor about what happened? It can help to talk about what you went through and sort through the complicated feelings you must have.

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