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Stormy Rainbow Offline
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nowing abusers side of family? And Remembering - April 9th 2017, 06:58 AM

So my dad sexually abused me when I was little and I hate him for it. He never got put away because there was no case, because I was to young to go to court. But everyone I saw said there was no doubt that he did it. Anyways I do not want anything to do with him. But I do have a half sister and I am getting to know her a little bit. I know I have aunts and uncles and cousins. Part of me wants to get to know them but then I don't because they are on my fathers side. I just don't want him to know anything about me. I'm just so confused why do I feel like I need to know his side of the family when none of them believed what my father did to me?
Also I have never been able to remember most of the stuff from the age of 4-8. I am now starting to remember some things. It is really scary. I have always said I wanted to remember but now that I am remembering it scares the hell out of me and I just don't know how to cope with remembering things and I don't even know if they truly happened or if my brain is just making shit up. How do I handle this?

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Re: nowing abusers side of family? And Remembering - April 9th 2017, 01:04 PM

Sometimes past trauma has a way of making you feel like you need to do something, even if potentially triggering. Sometimes those things can be healing, in a way. Whether or not you choose to get to know your dad's family is up to you, but know that you have the ability to go at your own pace and stop if you need to if you do want to get to know them.

Something to consider about remembering is that your mind is having you remember now because it thinks you are ready to see and cope with things you've experienced. So, even if you don't think you can handle this consciously, your subconscious knows you will be able to cope.

Everyone is different but something I have found is that self-doubt is a constant work in progress. It takes a lot to make progress yet it doesn't take much to crush your progress. Something to remind yourself is that it happened, you were abused. Your mind wouldn't make up memories like this; and even if some of it is distorted as memories sometimes are, you're remembering what you experienced. If anything, the brain is more likely to make up happier memories.

Something you can do while you're remembering is keep using your self-care and self-soothe techniques. I also suggest writing your memories down so you can talk about them in therapy or refer to them at a later date.

Sometimes remembering makes it difficult to get through the day or even through the hour, but remembering is good for healing; it will allow you to get the memories out, process them, and store them in the correct way.

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Re: nowing abusers side of family? And Remembering - April 9th 2017, 02:55 PM

my stepdad had sex with me when he married my mom. i was twelve and my mom begged me not to deny him as he would divorce her. evidently she promised to share me if he married her. moved to my boyfriend home when i was sixteen and have disassociated with my mom and stepdad since but hang out with my cousins and other relatives. it was difficult at first but became easier over time. i suggest you not ignore all your relatives just because of you dad.
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Re: nowing abusers side of family? And Remembering - April 13th 2017, 09:34 PM

im sorry to hear what has happend as it has been sayed this is your brain telling you something has happend its saying you are now able to cope with remembering it.

if you want to get to know the other half of your family then do it when you are ready but if you dont want your dad to know stuff about you then dont tell them the inportant things untill you trust them fully

if you ever need to talk im here
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Re: nowing abusers side of family? And Remembering - April 17th 2017, 10:31 PM

In my opinion, of they didn't believe that you were abused than it would be unhealthy to have them in your life.

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Re: nowing abusers side of family? And Remembering - April 18th 2017, 03:42 AM

My brain blacked out all memories of 1st and 2nd grade. My brain redacted that whole time period and it's just black.

I know the classroom was too big and overwhelming for me. 60 kids, 4 teachers, chaos.

I know an older woman who confided in me her father had sex with her when she was young. She desired to bring her family together, and eventually succeeded, but she said it took 10 years. She was able to reconnect with her father and reconcile and start anew with him.
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Re: nowing abusers side of family? And Remembering - April 18th 2017, 09:55 PM

Originally Posted by ~Abibliophobe~ View Post
In my opinion, of they didn't believe that you were abused than it would be unhealthy to have them in your life.
I agree with this. These people weren't supportive or understanding of what had happened in the past. If this is still on your mind and that is one of your worries today, then I wouldn't bother trying to reconnect with them. You have people in your life who care about you, who respect you, who believes what you've been through and how much it hurt you. Stick to them.
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