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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Possibly Emotional Abuse - November 26th 2017, 12:35 AM

So it started a while ago. I've never had the best relationship with my dad. At all. He always got mad at me when I would cry because usually it wasn't because I was physically hurt. Or he would say he should be the one crying, not me. He'd get mad at my sister if she told my mom something he did. He once even took my little sister to the park to yell at her for asking if him and my mom would get divorced. He's most of the reason now I have a hard time communicating my feelings. He put the idea of pain being relative in my head without meaning too. He isn't as bad now, but sometimes it's the same, and he still gets really mad at my sister because she has a hard time controlling her volume and doesn't know when she's being too loud. I feel bad asking this because I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal, but my sister says to at least ask since it's had a lasting impact on my mental health. But I don't know. So respond as you see fit.


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Re: Possibly Emotional Abuse - November 26th 2017, 12:42 AM

Don't feel bad. Personally I know what your dad has done, and it is emotional abuse. If someone places these feelings in your mind its abuse, plain and simple. Get help hun. <3333




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Re: Possibly Emotional Abuse - November 26th 2017, 10:57 PM

Even though you never had the best relationship with your dad, it does sound like he can be emotionally abusive at times. Unfortunately, some people may wrongly believe that unless you are physically hurting or going though something really traumatic, that you have no reason to cry. This can be very damaging, especially if you grew up feeling like you could never be safe enough to express your feelings and get validation for what you are feeling. It also sounds like he would take out whatever problems he was having with your mother, on your sister. This is also an unhealthy way of parenting, since he should've discussed things with your mother, rather than yelling at your sister.

It's good to know that your dad isn't so bad, but I do agree with your sister in asking about his behaviour, since it seems to be affecting your mental health. It's also understandable that you would feel conflicted about your dad's behaviour and see it as not a big deal. But a general rule is that if it happens regularly and over a period of time, and it affects you negatively, then it's likely that you aren't making a big deal of this at all.


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Re: Possibly Emotional Abuse - November 27th 2017, 02:01 PM

Thank you guys so much for your advice. I have a meeting with my therapist today so I was planning on talking to her about it. The problem is this morning, my dad doesn't know that I was planning on it, yet he still made me feel guilty for wanting to.


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Re: Possibly Emotional Abuse - November 28th 2017, 12:53 PM

A characteristic of many emotionally abusive people is guilt tripping. Even though your dad didn’t know you were planning on talking to your therapist it sounds like he did something to guilt trip you about your feelings for him. Do try to talk to your therapist about this and when your dad tries to guilt trip you, remind yourself that it is just a characteristic of his abusive qualities.


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