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TraitorBaby Offline
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Gas lighting - March 13th 2018, 08:02 AM

I can't sleep. It's been a long time since I've felt this scared. I feel like I'm going back into inset panic attacks and I have no way out.
To keep it short and me from freaking out, my parents are abusive, but only in ways that I can see but not prove. My dad is violent and aggressive, he takes his anger out on anyone around him. Today he beat my dogs, threw things at one and dragged another by the collar. Then he yelled at me for not doing what he wanted, though I've been home alone all day working. When I tried to speak up about it (stupid me) he glared at me, and I swear the hate in his eyes was real....
On the other hand, my mom is passive aggressive and manipulative. She points out every little thing that I've done wrong just to make me feel worse about myself, or when I try to speak up or do something that she doesn't approve of, she calls me names and says I'm a horrible person.
They've just recently gone through a divorce, too, and there was a period of high stress there when they were both being assholes to everybody. But now that things have kind of settled, they've finally bought me the things I need but couldn't ask for, because of the way they react. I thought things were getting better.
And it happens every time. Every time I start to think that things are gonna be ok, maybe they've changed, they might love you after all...
That's what hits me the most. The years of hoping and then... I'm slapped in the face. Sometimes literally. And it's only that Gas lighting shit, like I don't know If it's just me, If I'm just paranoid, if I'm actually crazy or it's just that they want me to think that. Sometimes I wish that they would just beat me just so I can prove it.
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Re: Gas lighting - March 15th 2018, 12:50 AM

And no one fucking cares...
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Celyn Offline
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Re: Gas lighting - March 15th 2018, 03:59 PM

Sorry you haven't had a reply sooner. But rest assured we do care!

It is very hard having an abusive family when it's more subtle and you feel you can't prove it. It can make you feel like you're the 'crazy' one, even though you aren't, and of course if family denies it, then it would count as gaslighting, yes.

Your dad is physically abusive towards your dogs, so it's possible that he see's nothing wrong with how he takes his anger out on others. And your mom sounds verbally abusive if she is constantly putting you down and calling you names. And the divorce sounds stressful, and it seems like you were caught in the middle of it all.

It makes sense that when things calm down, there'll be a phase of everything is fine, until the next time. Abusive situations don't always have to be abusive, as it's possible to have some good times as well, either genuine good times or good times as part of the cycle of abuse. Of course, that must be very hard on you and you'll start questioning whether they love you, whether things have changed, or whether it's just you. It's difficult with abusive families because sometimes it's a case of parents not being aware that their behavior is abusive and how it affects you, and they might not know how to show you their love without becoming abusive, or they are just so caught up in their own issues, that all they can be at the moment, is abusive. Neither justifies how they treat you, but it helps to explain it a bit.

You do deserve better, and I'm sorry you are going through this. Do you have other people in your life that you trust and can talk to about what you are going through? It's probably not just you being paranoid, so it can help to have others listen and reassure you at times.

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Last edited by Celyn; March 15th 2018 at 05:24 PM.
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Re: Gas lighting - March 16th 2018, 01:15 PM

We do definitely care! I've been wanting to reply to this thread but have been too busy with outside obligations.

Something that came to mind when reading this post is the hope you feel that your parents can change. While people can change, it is hard and unlikely for abusive people to change. It is natural to hope otherwise; to think that your parents can change for the better and it must really hurt when they do something that counteracts that thinking. Maybe over time you can begin to accept that they are the way they are, and then when you're ready you won't feel as disappointing when something bad happens.

It is really hard when an abusive situation is on an off again like that, it must really take a toll on you. Do you think making a safe place would help you? It could be a physical place, like your bedroom, or a mental place that you take yourself to when you're feeling bad. You can decorate your physical safe place and make it as inviting and comfortable as you can so you have a place to escape to when your parents are being difficult.

Gaslighting is a really hard thing to cope with but know that you are so strong and you will get through this and come out on the other side. We believe in you.

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