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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
strong-but-weak Offline
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My friends dad - August 18th 2009, 11:49 PM

Today my friend came to me crying. I was at my church and so one of the youth leaders came with me.
I saw that she was crying so I gave her a hug and asked what was wrong. She kept saying that her dad was going to kill her.
The three of us went to a quite spot to talk about it and I found out that he's been locking her in the garage for a few hours and offering her(she is 13) the option of being kicked out or a 'spanking'.
So, I asked if he used a belt. I mean, I was spanked as a child but with hands and I was never so afraid as she was. She was genuinuely terrified of her spanking.
Of course, she said no to the belt and explained that he used a metal pipe when he 'spanked' her and her sister.

Of course she was going to get a spanking today because she had been rude to her mother. I quickly realized how abusive this was and pointed it out. The youth leader (who was asian like my friend) pointed out that it was custom in asia.
She said that it was best if we didn't tell anyone and they swore me to secrecy.
I don't want to break my word, but I want to make them both see that they can't just let it happen.
What should I do?


And no matter what my heart [</3] says
I have to let you walk away
maybe someday

I can't fight for you anymore
But it's too hard to watch you fall.
I can't fight for you anymore
But watching you go breaks my heart
I can't fight for you anymore
But I want to.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friends dad - August 19th 2009, 12:05 AM

In Asia that may be accectable, but where I'm from it's considered abuse. If you know how afraid your friend is, and you know what is being done to her you should tell someone that can help. By knowing what is happening and not doing anything about it, you are only letting it happen again. You sound worried for your friend, and no one deserves to be treated like her dad is treating her. I stronly encourage you to tell an adult that you trust what is going on, and try to get them to help. Best of luck. My PM box is always open.





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Re: My friends dad - August 19th 2009, 12:16 AM

you need to tell the police. asian custom or not this is child abuse, as is the locking her in the garage for hours on end. your friend will probably get mad at you for telling (as will her dad) but it is the right thing to do. if you're a good friend you won't just let her be abused like this. so TELL THE POLICE.
   
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Re: My friends dad - August 19th 2009, 12:42 AM

I definitely agree with the previous posters, this is definitely abuse and something should be done about it. Telling someone might get your friend mad and might get her dad mad but in the end, it's the right thing to do for your friends safety. Also, if someone swears you into secrecy about not telling something that you know is wrong, don't listen, telling is what you need to do.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: My friends dad - August 19th 2009, 09:11 PM

I know that it is right to tell someone. I was always told that as a child, but I don't know who would listen to me. My own family has slandered my reputation to the extent that if I was to tell someone they might not believe me and they would tell their parents without doing anything to help.
That's pretty much what's holding me back and I really don't know what to do about it.
I saw my friend today. She had to wear long sleeves to keep the bruises covered. It looked like her dad had stepped on her or something on top of everything else.


And no matter what my heart [</3] says
I have to let you walk away
maybe someday

I can't fight for you anymore
But it's too hard to watch you fall.
I can't fight for you anymore
But watching you go breaks my heart
I can't fight for you anymore
But I want to.
   
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Re: My friends dad - August 20th 2009, 12:49 AM

Well, what if you don't tell someone your age. What if you go to your local police? I'm sure they would believe you, or atleast investigate the situation further. Maybe there is another adult you could tell, one that you are close to?





I'm a saint, and I'm a sinner.
I'm a loser, I'm a winner.
I am steady, and unstable.
I am young, but I am able.
Who I am - Jessica Andrews

"From dusk to dawn, everything will go on." - Me

"Be strong and hold your head high, because there are millions just waiting to see it fall." - Me
   
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Re: My friends dad - August 20th 2009, 01:15 AM

i definitly agree with photographylove217. you need to tell the police. no holding back, tell them EVERYTHING.
   
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Re: My friends dad - August 20th 2009, 02:06 AM

I agree with everyone else. That's not acceptable in other countries so something needs to be done. I had to report a kid in my teen group one time and he hated me for a while but he's better now. It will be rough but think long term and not the immediate time. Good luck with everything.


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Re: My friends dad - August 20th 2009, 09:41 AM

You're not in Asia. Alert the proper authorities.



   
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Re: My friends dad - August 20th 2009, 03:45 PM

I think you should tell the authorities. They might do that in ASIA but here its abuse and there is no reason for ANYONE to have to go through that. If you DO choose to tell the authorities (which i HIGHLEY sugest) its going to be hard. But just remember that you are doing the right thing and you could probably be saving your friend from something even worse happening to her. Ive had to tell authorities on my own lil brothers dad and its hard and it hurts. But PRAY that God will help you figure out whats right. you adn your friend are in my prayers!


LilyRose
   
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Re: My friends dad - August 22nd 2009, 03:57 PM

hey hun,
i'm from asia and THAT IS NOT RIGHT. and do act now. don't delay and let this abuse continue to happen. maybe you can approach some of your church leaders for advice and support to report the abuse. continue praying for your friend, and also encourage her to speak up against her father. she'll be really unwilling to, but she does not deserve this kinda treatment..
take care and you two are in my prayers. (:



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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