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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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ladyninetyfour Offline
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Unhappy An Old Nightmare - September 1st 2009, 08:54 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey. I put up a post a while ago about something and said sorry but I'm not ready tell my story yet. Well, I'm still not ready but a bit of it's got to come out in order to explain something that happened a few days ago. But any of the below is not nearly my whole story..
I have a mate (kinda) who is 2 and a half years older than me. In short he's 17. For nine/ten months last year (2008) he sexually abused me (although I was never raped), and i sort of walked straight into it every time because I was desperate for some love. I got out of it in the end and eventually me and him had a long talk about it and i thought it was in the past now.
Evidently not. A few days ago, Sunday, I went uptown intending to meet someone. They never turned up. So I ended up hanging out with this 17yr old. We went into some public gardens which were pretty empty. I was freezing so I kept hugging him. And then he kept grabbing my arse. I hit him and pulled away. But he kept doing it, and then touching my tits. And trying to kiss me. I completely resisted. And I was so scared. He figured out I was scared and laughed at me. I ended up pinned against a tree with his hands roaming around my body (thankfully mostly over my clothes). He tried to slip his hands in my trousers but I stopped him. I was so scared but I couldn't get away as he had his bike.
Eventually I got away when I had to go home. We probably weren't standing there that long to be honest but it felt like forever. I felt so sick. And my heart was going so fast out of fear. My old nightmares of him raping me have returned. I don't know what to do. He says he loves me (which is clearly untrue). What if he's come back into my life? What if he hurts me? What if he touches me again like he used to??
I don't know what to do?!
xoxox Bex xoxox


Where there's love, there's hope
You cannot destroy me!
xoxox PunkRoxS9 xoxox


Last SH: 03/08/09

Last edited by Emily.; September 6th 2009 at 03:50 AM. Reason: adding prefix
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Re: An Old Nightmare - September 2nd 2009, 05:55 AM

Hey there Bex. I'm really sorry that you are having to go through this again. He has absolutely no right to touch you like this and I hope you know that none of this is your fault hun. He is the only one to blame.

Please reach out and get some help. Talk to your parents, a teacher, any adult you trust. You do not need to go through this alone. What he is doing is wrong and he shouldn't be allowed to continue. If you think you're strong enough, you could even go to the police. What he has done is illegal.

I also think it would be a good idea to talk to a therapist hun. I know they can seem scary, but they can really help. You can talk everything out with them and they can give you coping methods to help you deal until it gets easier for you.

I hope you are okay right now. You can PM me anytime.
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but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Re: An Old Nightmare - September 2nd 2009, 05:59 AM

Ok, I am definately NOT an expert on this, but my advice to you is that you might want to stay away from him for a good long while and tell an adult what happened. What he did was against your will, and if he loved you then I think he would respect you and stop when he figured out that you were scared of him. Scaring somebody that you love is a BIG no-no in my own personal opinion. I believe love is when you try to protect someone from all types of harm no matter what, even if it's from yourself. He is more than likely just trying to play on your emotions to get you to stay with him, it's a tactic used by many abusers and unfortunately a lot of people fall for this despite the harm they recieve. You seem to know better than this though, which is great for you!

I would just block all contact from him and definately tell an adult that you trust what happened. But if you ever go to see him again, bring a friend who you trust. The same rule applies to when you go to see someone else for a date, do a double date with friends. You have every right to feel scared of him and you are very young and it is much better to be safe and paranoid than sorry.

I'm quite sorry that this happened to you, it must feel horrible and you have every right to feel that way. Please be sure to tell an adult about this! It might be hard, but please try! There are people who love and care for you and will stop him immediately!
   
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Re: An Old Nightmare - September 2nd 2009, 06:58 PM

Hey and thanks.
I have a mental health worker who I can talk to but she doesn't know anything about what any guys have done...
Part of me wants to go to the police so he'll stay away from me. I didn't before because I thought it was all over. I don't want to ruin his life though - going to the police about this would destroy most job opportunities etc in the future. He's not a bad guy in the sense that he's anti social or breaks the law. He's just a manipulative and abusive guy. My parents know about last year to an extent but I haven't told them about Sunday.
Do I go to the police? Should I tell my parents?
I just don't know and now I'm scared to go anywhere he might be... He knows nearly everything about me because once upon a time before all this we were good friends. He could really hurt me if he wanted to.
I don't know what to do.
xoxox Bex xoxox


Where there's love, there's hope
You cannot destroy me!
xoxox PunkRoxS9 xoxox


Last SH: 03/08/09
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Re: An Old Nightmare - September 3rd 2009, 04:38 AM

I know it's hard turning in someone you've had a friendship with, but he hurt you Bex and he could be doing it to other girls. He mad his choice when he decided to abuse you and now he has to face the consequences. And hun, by doing this to you, he made himself a bad guy... he does not deserve your protection.

Try talking with your parents about sunday. Sit them down and just let it out. Or you could write them a letter if face to face is too hard. It really does help to have your parents support through all of this. Maybe with them standing behind you, you will be able to turn him into the police.

I know you can do this hun. I believe in you.


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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