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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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last night - November 28th 2009, 11:13 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

last night my dad got really mad at me, because i tripped over something in my room., he was drunk. he kept yelling at me, he kept trying to lash out at me aswell and then he threatend to take my chair for my computer desk away and i told him 'no i like my chair' he then started yellling are you saying no at me, are you telling me no. he then tried to lash out at me agian with the tv remote but because he was so drunk he missed me. its getting to the point where im considering leaving home /running away, i want to but i can't. i can't because as long as im at home my sisters are safe from him, if i leave home he will start on my sisters, i would rather me get hurt than see my sisters get hurt, and last night he only stopped because of my mum came down and had to shout at him to stop, he did but then started shouting at my mum, this morning hardly anyone has spoken to me, my mum is cross with me and i dont know why, my dad is ignoring me and im ignoring him. i dont even no what i did that was so wrong and awful and terrible to get so badly told off, i would understand if i had broken something that was expensive but all i know that i did was trip over something, i was trying so hard to be nice and good and do as i was told. i even let my sister come in my room before i argued with my dad i let her play on my ps2 and stuff and then my dad called me downstairs so i got up and tripped over the ps2 and he started yelling at me and lashing out at me and asking me are you telling me no. i hate it so much, as much as i hate it im staying at home so i can make sure he does not hurt my sisters not that he would its just me he hurts he has never hurt my sister and i dont think he ever will but im still scared to move out /run away just in case he does start on my sisters, as long im here my sisters are safe, once my sisters have both moved out and gone to university i can move out, thats in like 5 maybe 6 years though. i dont even know what i did this time, im nearly crying just thinking about last night, sometimes i feel tempted to pour his beer down the sink but that will probably just make things worse. what do i do ?
   
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Re: last night - November 28th 2009, 04:37 PM

Hey Lydia,

I'm really sorry this is happening It sounds absolutely horrible You shouldn't have to deal with this mess your dad is creating. Have you talked to your mom about getting your dad into some treatment or facility where he can learn to control his anger/ alcohol usage? Maybe you, your mom and your sisters can all move out- his actions are not beneficial to any of you guys. If he is out of control, don't hesitate to call the police either. They can ensure your safety! It's okay to get help

I hope you have a good weekend, and hopefully your father will control himself.

All the best,
-Amy


   
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Re: last night - November 28th 2009, 04:52 PM

i did talk to my counsellor about my dad getting help with his drinking and anger, but my counsellor said no one can make him, he has to change when he wants to, the thing is hes been this way for 9 years. most of the time my mum is obvilious to it all, but i could talk to my mum in the past i have asked her why is dad always moody and she told me 'just try to not annoy him'. i wish i could tell the police but they most likely wont do anything and if they do they will move me to a refuge or hostel, thats not what i want to happen.social services/the cps won't help as they have told me no more referals. and they will want evidence, my mum will back my dad like last time. me moving out is an option but if i move out he may turn on my sisters as long as i am here living at home my sisters are safe. the thing is, i recently found out that my dad side of the family was violent to him (his step dad) so i think that may have something to do with it, i no the drinking is not helping him it never has done and never will do. the worst bit is because he has not been this bad with me for about 2 months or so i just don't know what he will do next.
   
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Re: last night - November 28th 2009, 08:20 PM

Heya

I get the feeling you've had a lot of time to think about this, judging from what you're saying. On top of how long it has gone on (off and on, from the sounds of it), it sounds like you've had a few chances to talk over options with your counsellor, cps and your mom, even if nothing's really panned out perfectly yet.

With that sort of knowledge, I'd have a tendency to trust your instincts. You've lived with this for a long time... what happened last night sounds like it was scary, but I get the sense that you feel like it was scary in a way that you're not used to. (I'm guessing, anyhow)

Knowing that your sisters' safety is one of your bigger worries in all of this, maybe what you can start to think about is what you might be able to do to keep yourselves safe when he blows his top, super short-term I mean... maybe that'll be talking about what works in calming him down, maybe having a plan as to where you could all go if he starts getting fumed (heh, like a fire drill). But the way you're talking, it sounds like working your sisters in there is a really important piece for you and though there might not be any easy answers, it might be something you want to look at.
   
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Re: last night - November 29th 2009, 12:43 PM

it happened agian last night, except he had pinned agianst a radiator, and was poking me and was calling me thick and was yelling at me when you will you get into that thick skull of yours. he even shut me in a room where it was just me and him. he was right up in my face aswell. he seems to be getting worse each night, tonight i am dreading already as i dread to think what he will do tonight. staying out of his way does not work.
   
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Re: last night - November 29th 2009, 04:04 PM

Like you said, he was drunk. He wasn't thinking right. Its good your mom was there, maybe you could talk to her about leaving for a while or if you really think your sisters are in danger, maybe you should report him so he can get help. Try not to take things to personal that he does to you, but you have to be safe and keep your family safe. The councler you talked to clearly was no help, so maybe try someone else who you really think can. Or a trusted adult. Maybe a family friend or aunt or uncle. Stay safe, try and stay positive, and PM me if you need to talk! I'm here!
   
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Re: last night - November 30th 2009, 01:42 PM

i saw my friend yesterday and she told me i looked really down i her everything about friday and saturday night. i made her promise not to tell anyone (i made her promise on her friends life she would'nt tell anyone) she promised she would'nt and i can trust her not to she promised on her friend life when me and my friend do that we know for sure what we say when we promise on someones life it stays between us.
   
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Re: last night - December 2nd 2009, 03:36 PM

have you tried telling him when he is sober how much he is hurting you and your sisters? if he still persists in acting this way the best thing is for you and your sisters to get out of there.go to someone and tell them that its just too much.i know what its like to be in that situation,it will do no good living in fear something has to be done,u need to get away from this.
   
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Re: last night - December 7th 2009, 01:33 PM

Talk to him about his drunked-ness when he's sober, and tell him that he actually tries to hit you. If he doesn't start getting better than do this:

Take a class for self defense or a fighting class (judo or some shit) and open a can WUP ASS on him, then laying him down in the bed to get some rest and sober up. when he finds the bruises he might decide getting drunk isn't worth it.

I'm not joking.
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Re: last night - December 9th 2009, 10:36 AM

i did try self defence classes but my local club closed, i might be going on the jeremy kyle show, i just need to suggest the idea to my mum, but i don't know if she will let me and my dad go on it, at the moment i am just wanting to give anything a try and i no that if i go on the jeremy kyle show they can make him get help with his drinking and make him get help with his anger. it just i need to ask my mum and talk to her about it explain that i may help, but i may not help. the thing is though how my dad is has started to rub off on me, i got angry the other night monday night i got angry and lobbed a notebook and a pencil at one of my sisters.
   
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Re: last night - December 10th 2009, 07:07 PM

I recommend not going on TV.

You would do better going to counseling.
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Re: last night - December 11th 2009, 03:16 PM

i've had counselling, they only let me have four sessions.
   
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Re: last night - December 12th 2009, 01:17 PM

If he is physically hitting you, go straight to the police. Or go to a school guide. These are very serious offenses, and they will know how to properly take care of that.

I would not recommend approaching him about it, but next time you feel unsafe around him make sure you go to someone that can help.
   
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Re: last night - December 15th 2009, 07:44 AM

Social services won't help because they can't accept referrals? You should try again. It is *against the law* to refuse help to a child in need (which you are). There are all kinds of acts of government and policies about the duty of social services to investigate child protection referrals. No child is ever turned away.

If they want evidence then you need to gather evidence. Keep a diary (this forum post will do) of every incident. When it happened, who was present, what happened and who did it.

It is a common misconception that social workers remove children from their homes. This happens in a very small percentage of cases. In the majority the social workers will provide support and guidance for the family (i.e. support for your dad) whilst you remain in the home. They will also be on call-out if any violent incidents occur to come and help calm the situation down. Your safety is their priority.

You need to get your counsellor to make a referral to child protection. She is legally bound and it is her duty to protect you.
   
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Re: last night - December 15th 2009, 09:14 AM

i don't have a counsellor anymore. i had one for four weeks (four counselling sessions one counselling session a week ) the social worker i had, told me i needed anger management and did'nt help me, they made my sister cry and made things worse. my counsellor said she cannot tell them unless she has my permisson to tell them i didnt want her to because i was telling her about stuff that had happened in the past. i told my tutor abit about what happened last night at college i didnt say he had tried to hit me or anything though. and said im comming college on thursday so i can avoid him and my tutor /other tutor told me 'we're not here so that you can avoid your dad' they then told me i did not need to be at college tonight (monday evening) so that was last night, and they told me to go home.
   
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