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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
gummybearbandit Offline
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Name: allene
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: rabbit hole

Posts: 21
Join Date: January 10th 2009

Unhappy the memories wont go away - December 22nd 2009, 01:56 AM

When I think i'm fine and that evrything is going to be alright. They come back, the nightmares, the emotions, the memories. I dont know what triggers them but in some how some way they are brough bac. it's been almost two years since those 11 months but the strength of these emotions and fear have not eased up. I know i'm safe, that i'm gona wake up and be alright but the fear is still there. The fear of seeing him, hearing his voice, even smelling his body spray. I'm scared he's going to be there waiting for me with that innocent look in his eyes and that evil grin. I can't get ahold of miself when this happenes i can't shake it off. Why am i so scared of him still? when he soooo far away and i'm protected by someone that actually loves me. why wont the dreams stop the movie reals of every fight? why do i stop and cry over something that happened with him? why can i just be alive and live free of him. He cant control me anymore, he cant touch me. But he's still here with me in some way. i dont know what it is but i cant keep going through this.

hav u ever wanted 2 die or cry or scream up the sky n ask god y y me y now y u feel so numb inside y ur sinkin deeper ever wanted sum1 2 care hug u with u noin thier there needed sum1 2 tell u a lie so u can belive its true jus 4 a min or show u the beauty in the sky hav u ever ben the 1 2 try
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Le Papillon Offline
a secret you can keep
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Name: Samuel
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Location: Horrorwood

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Re: the memories wont go away - December 22nd 2009, 02:12 AM

i dont know exactly what you went through, but i know that it was lifechangeing. had a huge impact on ur life, and those thing dont just go away in a flash. they take time for the fear and hurt to weaken. for the pain to lessen. but being surrounded by friends who care, and peple u no u can trust might make u feel a bit safer. surround urself w/ what u love, and people who care, and all the bad might start to fade. i did tht when i lost my best friend. and i no thts not exactly the same, but it just might make u feel a little better.

-Jordan 0.0

formerly snowstorm, GoneBeyondRepair, and Breathless in Love
Repose en Paix, Grandad/mom H., Sito, Nay, Mary, Aunt S., Peter, Katie, Lexi, Mrs. Radoye, Mandii, Trevor, Megan, Uncle T., Erika, Aunt R., Braxton, Connie, Adam, Grandpa, Buttons ♥
The world will bleed its bloody tale. People will throw their stones. But the one thing you must always remember is:
You no longer walk alone.
-Blake Bliss
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lostandalone Offline
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Re: the memories wont go away - December 22nd 2009, 02:27 AM

Im sorry that u are gong thru this, but it is normal. I had a single event at the hands of two guys a year and half ago. Im still having memories from that. So I can relate as well.

Jordan (snowstrom) also said what I would say. Also, have you gone to a counsiler?

Please dont feel that yu are alone.

"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." J.K. Rowling
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Through-Glass Offline
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Re: the memories wont go away - December 23rd 2009, 12:46 AM

Hey there, Allene.

What you have been put through was a very traumatic experience, and I'm so sorry that you have been put in such a situation. You did not deserve this at all. What he did to you was wrong, and he has no one to blame but himself for his terrible actions. Again, I am so sorry.

Try to remember that what you went through was very painful; the emotions, the memories, the dreams aren't just going to go away. I wish that were the case. You've been put through so much, and it's going to take time for you to come to terms with what happened, and to learn how to cope. There is no time limit on healing; you have all the time in the world. Take it slow, let yourself feel. Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to get angry, allow yourself to grieve. These are all steps in the process of healing, and each is equally as important as the next.

While this may hurt so much right now, it's not going to be like this forever. You've been through something so traumatic, but healing IS possible; you WILL get through this. Keep trying to find different ways to cope; personally, I love to play. Play is the purest of activites, it can release so much all at once. Play with Play-Doh, blow bubbles. Give yourself room to be as free as a child; this freedom can help so much on the road to recovery.

Take care. If you'd ever like to talk, I'm always happy to listen.

"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
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