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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lillylou Offline
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rough fingering well kind of - December 31st 2009, 06:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

ok so me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 weeks im 12(6th gd) and hes 14(8th gd) and we make out sometimes well we went to the park by my house and we started making out and then he started rubbing me down there and i liked it sadly but then he started getting really rough and he started frenching me like tounging and i did it back he tried to slip his hands down the back of my pants but i stopped him and said were too young but he wouldnt and got his hands down my pant and just saying hes really stong hes on the wrestling and baseball team and he grabbed my butt and started to rub it and stuff and i tried to get him to stop kissing me but he wouldnt and he started moving to the front and i really could not stop him hes too strong and he started fingering me a lot and then he stopped and said lilly lets go somewhere else and do this and i said no i wanted to go home cuz i felt weird and he grabbed my arm and took me to a shed thing and btw i think he was drunk cuz he went to his big brothers party and its not normal for him to do that but he took me in there and started pulling my pants down and of course he won and he layed me down and he started to lick me and girls u know that it feels good even though sometimes u dont want it to and i tried but i couldnt get away well then he got up and i tried but he pushed me down and he took his pants off and got on top of me but he didnt do anything he just layed next to me and we kissed and i could feel him he went hard and he told me to rub it so i did and then he licked me more then got up and said he had to go what do i do next time cuz i really love him he just got drunk at his big brothers party

Last edited by Casey.; January 1st 2010 at 08:34 PM. Reason: Marked triggering. Moved to the Rape and Abuse forum.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - December 31st 2009, 07:36 AM

right.. what he did is not ok. never, under any circumstances.

he took advantage of you and did things against your will. if he loved you he would have respect for you and wouldn't force you into sexual things that you are not comfortable with. i really think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with this guy. he doesn't sound very safe to be around, at all. don't put yourself in the situation where you are alone with him again - because he's done this once and he could easily do it again. please, for your own sake stay away from this guy. you're so young, it's awful to read something like this has happened to you. stay safe and think about reporting this kid to the police, also.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - December 31st 2009, 08:14 AM

What this guy did to you is close to rape. Id stay away from him and report him to the police. You dont need some kid like that.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - December 31st 2009, 10:40 AM

What this guy did, many people have been sent to prison for.
You need to chuck him, get very far away from him. I don't think what has happened to you has quite set in yet because you're sounding really calm.
Please don't think 'it was just the booze'. If he's capable of that at all, then he is not a good person. Please, leave him.



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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - December 31st 2009, 11:43 AM

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Originally Posted by soulkiller7 View Post
What this guy did to you is close to rape. Id stay away from him and report him to the police. You dont need some kid like that.
i agree. he might have been drunk but that's not an excuse, especially not knowing your and his age.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - December 31st 2009, 11:46 AM

That's really not on. If you say stop to anything, he should have stopped. Anything else is unacceptable. You should report him and do NOT say 'it was just the booze' because he should still control himself.


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - December 31st 2009, 12:54 PM

I agree with everyone here that you need to break up with him and report him for sexual assault. You said no and he didn't stop it doesn't matter if he was drunk. Your only 12 and I'm so glad you were not raped :0 He shouldn't be drinking either.


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Re: rough fingering well kind of - December 31st 2009, 06:31 PM

lillylou,
It does not matter at WHAT point you said no, whether it was after he started doing inappropriate things to you or before, either way what HE did was wrong. Just because it felt good and you liked the feeling it gave you, you still told him on more than one occasion to stop. He forced you into doing a sexual act that you were not ready for.

You need to distance yourself as much as you can, and report him to the police, it doesn't matter what role you played in this - if you told him to stop and he failed to comply he is in the wrong and from the sounds of it he needs to have some police involvement. Don't just drop this, if you are scared to go to the police, go to a teacher or principle or some form of a responsible adult and ask them to help you report him. Sometimes having support makes it easier.

Whether or not he had been drinking prior to doing this matters not. Talk to someone who can help you. He is NOT a trustworthy person, if he was truly drinking then just imagine what else he could/ would do while under the influence. It's not what you want for yourself, find someone to confide in and to help you report him to the police. Don't worry about anyone but yourself. He needs to get in trouble for this, it is NOT ok under any circumstance.



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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - December 31st 2009, 11:54 PM

I'm a believer that being drunk, high, or under the influence of any substance is no excuse. I don't think the drugs influence someone that much - I think if they will do something will under the influence on some level they will do it while sober.

Like the others have said - this was extremely close to rape. You should report it and definitely stay away from him. His actions were not okay, no matter what the circumstances were.


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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 1st 2010, 04:33 AM

I have been through that before, but the guy went all the way after he coerced me and then he actually apologized for the pain and harm he caused -- each time. I had recently given birth to our son and was given an episiodomy, so it was very painful and he tore the stitches each time. I never reported him and now I wish I had. I was dealing with domestic abuse and was misguided by him into thinking I couldn't survive without him taking care of me -- that I wasn't smart enough. It took me a couple years and counseling to see what he did as abusive. I wouldn't even get female exams done for several years because of it. I was afraid of the procedures being done. I felt that it was my fault and made up excuses for him. If you say no at any time, he should stop. No excuses. He's too young to be drinking, but you shouldn't use that as an excuse anyway. His brother could also get into major trouble with the law for allowing underage drinking and providing any alcohol, especially if you are assaulted, abused, and/or raped because of it. Think about the fact you said he was too strong for you to make him stop or to get away from him. What if he took advantage of that next time and didn't stop? What if it goes beyond the assault and abuse it started as and became rape? What if you ended up severely hurt and/or dead? Would he still be worth it then? If he has intercourse with you, consensual or not, it's still considered rape at your age. You're so much better than that and are so much more worthy of better respect. What he did was totally disrespectful of you and your wishes. What he did was wrong -- illegally and morally. Keep talking to us if it helps you to stay strong and get out of that situation.


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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 1st 2010, 04:41 AM

Wow hun at 12 I was still playing with doll houses...
I am really sorry this happened to you. This is not rough fingering this is rape. Anytime someone touches you and you are saying No its Rape.
Rape is sometimes hard to report to the police expecially if you like the guy. My question is have you told your parents? You really need to! I am here for you!! :hugs:


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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 1st 2010, 01:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Losing_Control View Post
I'm a believer that being drunk, high, or under the influence of any substance is no excuse. I don't think the drugs influence someone that much - I think if they will do something will under the influence on some level they will do it while sober.

Like the others have said - this was extremely close to rape. You should report it and definitely stay away from him. His actions were not okay, no matter what the circumstances were.
i'm also a believer that drink and drugs are NO excuse and i completly agree with this post!

go to the police and stay away from him,you don't want to be around this sort of guy trust me! no one deserves that at all.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 1st 2010, 01:42 PM

Heyy Lillylou!

What the others have said is so very, very right.
It was extremely close to rape and you should never have had to go through that; even if you like the guy.
If he was worth anything to you he'd have stopped the second you said to. The fact he didn't proves he isn't worth you at all!
Please get out of the relationship now! If he did it while he was supposedly drunk (though you don't seem positive he was anyway) then he can and may well do it while sober.

For your own sake, break up with him and go to the police!
I'd hate to see you posting on the Rape & Abuse forum anytime soon...
I'm sorry that this probably seems really harsh and possibly even rude, but it's for your own good. No-one would tell you this if it wasn't true.

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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 1st 2010, 03:21 PM

for one your 12 for two if he was in fact drunk thats one charge their for underage drinking and three that is almost rape so thats another charge and that is not something you want to be mixed in with! get rid of him and tell your mom wut happened


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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 1st 2010, 05:01 PM

drink is no excuse, what he did was wrong.
He could easily push things again, and possibly further, you shouldn't put yourself in that situation... talk to an authority figure they will be able to help you.



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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 1st 2010, 07:12 PM

Rape: The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.

I agree with everyone who's said that you should report him to the police because what he did was rape. You're twelve and still a little girl! You shouldn't have to deal with a guy like that now or ever. You can't just blame the alcohol either because alcohol just brings up emotions and thoughts that were already there in the first place. He could've just used it as an excuse which is also not right, besides he's underage. I hope you do go to the police and I wish you the best of luck getting rid of that boy. If that's what you'd like to call him...
   
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 1st 2010, 11:35 PM

Honestly you need to take this issue to your parents this is very serious and what happened was not normal not to mention your only 12! That guy was way out of line. This should be dealt with by the police because that’s really shocking to hear that.

Please do me a huge favor and stay away from that guy brake up with him and do not have anything to do with him. He’s no good and he’ll only take away from your shine!

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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 3rd 2010, 09:37 PM

i agree with all of the above, you need to tell the police, because, no matter how much you say you love this boy, he just raped you and you do NOT want him to be able to do this again. being drunk, especially at this age, is no excuse for ANYTHING like this. he shouldn't be getting drunk in the first place. we are all here for you, while you most definitly go and tell someone.
   
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 3rd 2010, 10:23 PM

Heyy...
I'm sorry u had to go through that. Listen, you are A KID. A very young kid! And what he did to you was extreamly close to rape, like the others have said. Everyone says you should report him, but i really think you wouldn't do that. I know that if u like a guy you dont wanna report him to the cops and all. But just stay away from him. I should say tell a parent, but u wont do that either. So just PLEASE, stay away from him???!!! This is abuse in every way. Do NOT TOLORATE IT! He is not worth it AT ALL!!! I know u like him, but u are so young so PLEASE be strong, and stay away from him. It wont be easy, but be strong.

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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 6th 2010, 04:29 AM

first of all I am so sorry this happened to you. The thing is that you really need to get away from this guy, whether you report him or not is you decision. I was in a similar situation. It started of with my bff brother kissing me every once in awhile...then quickly it became more. I understand what you mean by how even though you didn't want it, it felt good. The body responds automatically to sexual things like that. you don't want to let yourself get into a situation like mine where everything you said happens to you three or four times a week for nine months. I know it's a scary thing to talk about. For me it was because I felt ashamed like it was my fault. ITS NEVER YOUR FAULT! If you said no, then thats it he should of stopped. again I hope you can tell someone about this because whether or not he was drunk it still happened.
   
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Re: rough fingering well kind of - January 7th 2010, 11:26 AM

First of all, you think he was drunk because he was at a party. If it was not 100% obvious, then chances are he wasn't very drunk at all. That said, intoxication is not an excuse for this. Ever. There is never any excuse to ignore the word "no" or "stop." He grabbed your arm and made you go in a shed, that is NEVER okay. I know you say you really like him, and you say you love him (how long have you been going out, you're kind of young to be anywhere as serious as love? but hey, it happens)
Please, go to someone, because this is NOT right, okay or acceptable in any way.
Get away from him, because this could have been rape. And from what he did, he probably IS capable of raping someone. Even if you get yourself away from him, you should report him so he doesn't do this to another girl.



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