Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Is this abuse? Or am I just too sensitive...

[XxMallyPrydexX]

Ok, so here's my story... you're in for a long one...


I have for a long time had problems with my dad. There are several things he does that I just don't think are right... and I'll separate each in different paragraphs. But IRDK my mom and dad both say that I'm just way too sensitive about things and that it's me that has a problem and not him. Soo... I'd really like your brutally honest opinion here... am I just a wuss or am I getting upset for a good reason?


Ok, so first off... I don't like the way he talks to me. I don't think that a truly loving father should call their daughter a bitch and a liar and a cunt bag under any circumstnces... He doesn't let me state my opinion about anything without blowing up at me and either chasing me out of the house or cornering me in my room, in which cases usually leads to self harm on my part. His yelling fits usually consist of him telling me how stupid I am and basically just putting me down for the way I am. Then a couple of hours later he'll try and hug on me (which I hate, but I'll explain more on later) and tell me he's sorry, and when I just can't forgive him he blows up all over again until I finally just bend to his will. Even when I do the right thing, like the other day my exboyfriends mom was apparently tailgating my dad and he bitched her out for it to the point where she was crying, and I told him when he asked me if he thought I was wrong I told him I thought he should have handled the situation differently. And that was just the beginning of a very harsh awakening for me. He pinned me down to the chair and wouldn't let me leave until my mother got home, and then he proceeded to tell her all these lies about me... and about what I said. I feel like I should be able to say what's right in my own house... I don't like my exboyfriend but I didn't think my dad should have talked to her like that. He then proceeded afterwards to say that he took my ex's side and that he though I was wrong and that I deserved what I got. Which my boyfriend did some horrible things to me and I attempted suicide because of it and I was landed in a mental hospital for a week by him. Which I then broke up with him, and he goes and dates two of my best friends back to back, what father would take his side?


When I was about 13 and my dad was drunk he did things to me in the shower that I was really uncomfortable with and I didn't want him doing... and that was the first time I really noticed he had just been pimping me out since I hit puberty. Sometimes when I kiss my boyfriend goodbye, he'll tell me to go back to the door and do it the right way... which is making out right in front of him. Which I think is kind of sick. Is he getting his giddies from his daughter making out with her boyfriend? He also, in my opinion, touches me weird... he's always hugging me and kissing my neck and looking at me like I'm something to eat... sometimes he'll slap my ass as I'm walking by which I think is really inappropriate for a daughter to do to his 15 year old daughter...


Also I know he has been very physically abusive with my mother, I remember specifically when he locked her in the basement and beat her with one of those things that you use to get up high with a paint roller... And I really don't mean to sound whiny... but he pushes us kids around too. He'll grab us by one arm and throw us to the floor if he gets angry enough... which I'm not sure whether that's acceptable parent/child punishment or what...


Ok so sorry about how long it is and if it seems like I'm complaining cause I know I don't have it that bad and that there are a lot of worse families out there. But it's just really bugging me and I want to know if I'm just really sensitive or if I have a right to be getting all upset over all these things...

[Rooni3]

You have EVERY right to be upset at him! Omg that's terrible! I'm so sorry, I hope things get better soon. Just know that nodoby deserves that kind of treatment. And you definately don't.

[JKmadu619]

Make a list of all the crap he's ever done to you.

Take pictures of any bruises he gives you.

Write a daily diary for a couple months of whatever you put up with.

Call the police and present the evidence.

I would say he's only a step away from sexually abusing you, he's obviously a bad man, and not being wise. At least the police would be a wake-up call for him.

Get help now, before this escalates.

- Justin

[XxMallyPrydexX]

TY my fiance has suggested this to me too... do you really think they'll believe just a diary?

[JKmadu619]

In conjunction with pictures of any kind of abuse, yes. If you keep up with it long enough they'll listen to you. I would recomend a diary, but if your father ever seems violent or overly sexual towards you, run away.

Do not think about it twice, do not consider the posibilities, be ready to run if you need to. Keep your crap packed. I might even recomend carrying pepper spray or something with you 24/7 so you can spray him should you have to. His behaviour is totally inapropriate and I'm afraid for you, but the longer you collect evidence, the more chance you have of making things change. Be smart, use your judgement.

I am avaliable to PM 24/7, any time any day. No one deserves this, be smart.

- Justin

[Dr.Bobby]

Wait.

First, your dad's behavior towards you is unquestionably inappropriate. That's not the issue, it's what to do about it. And although I understand the urge to catch him in the act with a pic or diary, the goal here isn't to get him into trouble (however much he might deserve that). Rather, the goal is to make this all stop and to have that happen you need more than a desire for revenge.

So, the first step is to involve mom. As the other parent and adult, she has a responsibility here to step up and protect you. She also has far more power to accomplish that (even of she feels like a victim herself). So, Job One is to work with mom and get her the info she needs to intervene, or to get others to intervene. Stay at it, too.

Job Two is, at the very least, stay clear of those situations/comments etc. that elicit your dad's rage. Even if he asks your opinion, recognize that's not wanted, he really just wants your approval or acceptance of what he's already done. So, don't get involved.

Your dad obviously has a serious problem with his self control, which probably requires treatment. On those rare occasions that he apologizes, see it as a moment of sanity on his part, and accept the apology and also let him know how much more you appreciate it when he's like THIS rather than THAT. That gives him some info that he might (hopefully) hang onto when he loses control.

Lastly, please tell me you're in therapy. In addition to the support you'd obviously benefit from, AND help you develop good coping skills so you don't internalize all this and start cutting or attempting suicide again, it also gives you a forum to bring both of them into (mom, to help see her role protecting both of you, and dad to address his problem). If not, move therapy to the very top of the list, talk with mom or the school counselor or whoever will listen about that need.

And also, if you're ever in a threatening situation with him where you feel your safety is at risk, call 911.

Good luck!

[Iridescence]

Your dad is an asshole to begin with.

I know you might feel like you are just being whiny but hun, this isn't everyday typical parental punishment. This is on the verge of sexual abuse.
Like the above posters, you should keep track of any physical abuse you encounter. This is something that could send your dad to prison for. It might not be something you want happening, but it's for your safety.
If you need anything else, I'm here.
Stay safe <3

[Guile]

Originally Posted by XxMallyPrydexX

And I really don't mean to sound whiny... but he pushes us kids around too. He'll grab us by one arm and throw us to the floor if he gets angry enough... which I'm not sure whether that's acceptable parent/child punishment or what...

That's acceptable child punishment according to the local laws here, a parent is allowed to hit, smack, push, etc. their child as long as it doesn't leave a permanent mark or draw blood.

[XxMallyPrydexX]

Thank you everyone