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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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arielariel Offline
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abused by boyfriend - April 13th 2012, 01:28 AM

When I was 12, I was sexually and physically abused by my now ex boyfriend for 8 months. 3 years later, I just told someone for the first time. I told my current boyfriend and he was so supportive and understanding, but since I told him, I've been getting nightmares about the abuse. It's stupid, but I've been sleeping in my mom's bed for comfort. I want to tell an adult I trust, but I'm scared they would make me tell my therapist or someone professional and I don't want to talk to someone else about it. Not someone who can't relate to me. I want to talk to someone who's gone through a similar experience. The only thing is I've never met someone who's has been as badly abused as me or is willing to be open about it. I just kind of want to let it out and have someone understand. Nobody knows who I am here, so I'll just give some brief details of what went on and maybe someone knows some resources I can use to help with this kind of thing. So here goes.. He would force me to have sex with other guys. The first time he asked me is when I refused and when he started getting violent. He beat me, burned and cut where no one could see, and raped me almost everyday throughout the rest of the time I was in contact with him. It was strange how it ended because I stopped going to school, which is the only place he could find me as I had no cell phone, and he never made any attempt to stalk me after I cut off connections.
Any way you could help would be appreciated, thanks
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Stargazed. Offline
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Re: abused by boyfriend - April 13th 2012, 02:23 AM

Hi there,

I am so sorry that this happened to you.

I'd like to say that I'm really proud of you for getting this far. A lot of people keep their abuse hidden and don't tell anybody; therefore, I'm glad you told somebody. With that said, after you start talking about a trauma, it's normal to have nightmares, or flashbacks. It's because you're vividly remembering every detail as you actually talk about it. Now that's not to say you shouldn't talk about it because you should. It's actually really important that you do so that you can cope properly. Honestly, getting into bed with your mom is okay. It's a way that you can feel safe and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, if you're feeling like you need more coping skills, that's totally okay too!

Sometimes therapy isn't for everyone. Although I encourage it in cases like this, I don't think pressuring you would do any good. It's great that you have a supportive boyfriend and such but perhaps you should tell your mom. I'm sure she's worrying about why you've been climbing into bed with her so shouldn't she have some explanation? If you tell her, you can write her a letter. Explain what happened three years ago, and how you're trying to get past it, and how you're dreaming of the abuse; and if you're serious about not obtaining therapy services, then tell her that you don't want that. That you just need someone to understand. I'm sure your mom would understand. She seems supportive as it is, telling her would just make it better.

Besides telling your mom, you could talk to a friend. I know you don't want to talk about it to a therapist or another professional, but there are support groups specifically for abuse cases. There will be other people who have experienced what you have who will share their stories and how they've coped. I've found it very helpful in the past, so perhaps you might too? There's also writing about the trauma you've endured, listening to music, meeting new people, yoga, and reading a good book -- that can all serve as distraction/relaxation techniques. You can do some of these things before bed and try to keep your mind as far away as possible so that you won't have flashbacks/nightmares.

Again, I'm proud of you for talking to your boyfriend. It seems he's a good support system for you and I hope that the nightmares ease up soon. You deserve to be free of this. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm just a PM away.

Take care.
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hypergirl Offline
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Re: abused by boyfriend - April 14th 2012, 06:27 PM

firstly i just want you to know that i think you are so brave getting this far and understand that the thought of telling a therapist might scare you but i really think you should talk to your mum because i think that she might be able to help you and if u do have to tell a therapist then they will know how to deal with these things and help you get the help you need i think that you should confide in your mum though and trust her enough to do the best thing for you and if you need any help feel free to inbox me at any time and i will try and help you the best i can
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