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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Burnt out - May 16th 2012, 08:51 PM

How do you cope with it?

I really don't know how to. I think I have it bad. It's complicated but I want to keep it simple. I've had it on and off for about the last 3 years... undoubtedly as a result of something that happened 3 years ago, and a load of shit before it. I frequently feel unmotivated. If someone sees me working, whether it be university work or in the gym, I mostly do it with my brain turned off. It's very inefficient obviously, and means I'm easily distracted.

Often enough I get these bursts of willpower that can sometimes drive me mental. But more often I could just be described as an inert brick that doesn't give shit, and doesn't move unless it's kicked or disturbed by someone. That's what usually triggers those bursts of willpower... when someone rubs me the wrong way, or something happens that rubs me the wrong way.

I feel it even now as I'm typing. It's almost as if I'm typing this because I'm bored... even though this is actually quite important to me I think. I think that I think. But I'm too unmotivated to really put much effort into thinking.

I'm not even sure if "burnt out" is the right description. I wonder if anyone else here has felt like this. I've had anger issues in the past, although I generally think that a lot people would have reacted somewhat similarly as I did to many of the things. I'd get anger to the point of developing headaches. My parents knew about the headaches, but knew relatively little about the real anger problems. Stuff would get broken but that's generally the most they ever fussed about. I still feel to this date that most of my anger outbursts were reasonably well justified, taking into account that I'm human and not perfect.

I got a feeling that the anger issues and shit in the past is connected with this "burnt out" feeling. I'm pretty sure it is. At times I've even thought there might be physical brain damage as a result. I doubt it though.

I've talked to several counsellors before (3 years ago or more). Really it didn't actually help and made things worse... complicated fucking story with all sorts of twisted games being played... parents, friends. Maybe (just maybe) it's because my problems were perhaps outside the scope of what any counsellor was trained to deal with. I don't want the hassle of it anymore. I'm the sort of person that needs to sort their own shit out themselves and learn from mistakes, but perhaps could also do with a few pointers, without the feeling of having some sort of commitment or obligation to attend counselling.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; May 16th 2012 at 08:57 PM.
   
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Re: Burnt out - May 18th 2012, 07:03 AM

Hey there! I don't want to focus completely on the idea of counseling because you already stated it didn't work for you in the past... but I did want to say that, oftentimes, things get worse before they get better. This is especially true with therapy - when you start to explore the negative things that have happened, it's not pleasant, and it can bring up some strong negative feelings. In addition, when you try to implement changes and you don't succeed right away, that can be frustrating. Finally, when YOU change, you force OTHER people to change as well - for example, your family members may have come to rely on you as the "angry" person, and once you stop fulfilling that role, the whole family pattern is disrupted, which causes them to experience frustration (which may be directed at you). Long-story short, I have two suggestions if you do decide to pursue therapy again: find someone who specializes in whatever you believe the problem is (which I'll get to in a moment), and be willing to commit to (at least) several months of therapy. Unfortunately, big problems like these don't get solved UNLESS you're willing to make a commitment of some kind. If it's not therapy, then you'll need to at least commit to some kind of recovery plan, whether it's something you develop or a professional develops.

So it sounds like "anger management" isn't really the key issue to all of this. The anger is a response to what happened in the past, whatever that is. I know it might be difficult to talk about, but it would help us if you could give a few details about what happened three years ago, and before that. I could give you tips on de-escalating when angry, but unfortunately, that would just be like giving you sleep medication so you can sleep through the pain of a bladder infection. When you wake up, the pain will still be there, and the infection will be untreated.





   
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Re: Burnt out - May 18th 2012, 05:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
So it sounds like "anger management" isn't really the key issue to all of this. The anger is a response to what happened in the past, whatever that is. I know it might be difficult to talk about, but it would help us if you could give a few details about what happened three years ago, and before that. I could give you tips on de-escalating when angry, but unfortunately, that would just be like giving you sleep medication so you can sleep through the pain of a bladder infection. When you wake up, the pain will still be there, and the infection will be untreated.
It's more of a case of really looking to the future, instead of looking back all the time for me. That's what I find hard to do. When I do it I know it works, but the problem is probably staying focused that way.

I really do hate to go into the details of some of the things that went on. Quite a lot of them are sickening.

I think the issue is... trying to discipline myself into thinking "the right way" and getting things done, instead of giving up so easily nowadays and doing nothing instead. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, but I do think about this a lot.


There's this one overarching issue that nags me that's at the bottom of a lot of this... "why bother trying if it all goes to shit anyway". My upbringing can't really be described as deprived comparing to some... but the situation at home sucked. And my parents (both) made things extremely difficult on me for me to improve things for myself in any way. Their idea was that school was all that was important for me, and very little else mattered. Any attempts for me to change things were met with huge confrontations. I stopped asking them if I can do this or that, because the answer was almost always no. So naturally I just didn't include them in my decision making anymore whatsoever (often I'd even fight back violently at their attempts to interfere. They were paranoid about monitoring me, my internet activity, my friends. It made me sick with hatred). Of course I was only about 14/15 then, and that was not a good thing because I was too stupid to make some decisions by myself. And of course from then on everything started to predominantly go downhill. Still... I only tried to better myself and guarantee myself a way out ASAP, but other people got caught up, and others didn't like it... etc. There are always those assholes out there who just want to see you fail. Their life sucks but they can't be screwed to do anything much about it so fuck it up for others.

That's all a very general way of describing what happened. What happened 3 years ago pretty much put an end to all of it. There's no generic way to say this so I'll just say it. A friend of mine died. It wasn't the first time... but that time was the final straw. It happened in July when I was on holiday abroad. We both had a common interest (music) that was at the top of my agenda. That changed. Lots of shit changed after that.

Since then there simply hasn't been much else left. Situation at home improved eventually... more down to my mum's effort. I stopped caring at the age of 14 and it took a while to revert back to normal and stop lying all the time about my plans. After July 2009 there wasn't really much left to lie about anyway. I do get the impression that both my parents generally respect my point of view now a lot more. If I there's something I want to do, they haven't tried stopping me for 3 or 4 years now. If they don't approve of it they'l say so... but they don't try this shit with threats where my mum would say that she's going to kick me out of the house. It means I'm more willing to listen to them now. Solves a lot of problems.

Done.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: Burnt out - May 18th 2012, 08:00 PM

If we could solve our problems through sheer willpower or desire, then we wouldn't need TeenHelp anymore. Sometimes, it really IS just a matter of disciplining oneself... but in those situations, I think it has more to do with laziness/bad habits than anything else. If you're procrastinating in school, then obviously, it's possible to discipline yourself, assuming you have the willpower and desire to do so. In your case, though, we're talking about a long-standing feeling of being "burnt out." You can push yourself all you want, but if the underlying issues that lead to that feeling aren't being addressed, then you're not going to get very far.

Whether we care to admit it or not, the past DOES affect the present day, and it affects the way we look at our future as well. Losing a friend (or multiple friends) can be incredibly traumatic. Being controlled by parents for a very long time can be incredibly traumatic. Just because you've changed things in recent years doesn't mean all of that bad stuff didn't happen. You may have more freedom now, but that doesn't mean your way of thinking about life isn't still influenced by what you experienced back then. Why would you feel any desire to look to the future when you feel like you already know how it's going to play out? If the past is all you've known (for the most part), then what's to make you think the future will be any different or better? Perhaps the motivation and refusal to give up will come more readily if you can challenge those thoughts and truly put the past to rest. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. If you can come up with a plan that works for you, excellent! If not, I wouldn't rule out the possibility of attending therapy again, this time with someone who specializes in trauma, and sticking with it for a longer period of time.





   
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Re: Burnt out - May 19th 2012, 09:51 PM

Thanks for the advice. I have to think all this stuff through. I find coming back to this thread difficult. I almost never write about these things. I hate even thinking about them.

I often think that I've changed for the worse as a result, with the only difference being that I mix with more mature crowds now and people that don't provoke me anywhere near as much. That's if I mix at all. I generally get about on my own tbh. It's all stuff I have to learn to deal with... and I've been trying through all sorts of ways. It works well enough. But I'm not confident in myself that if I get into a fairly serious confrontation with someone that I'll know where to draw the line. Hence why I don't "hang out" much and don't really go out much either. Small things can piss me off disproportionately sometimes and do things I regret. Best is to avoid the entire situation.

The memories won't ever change... they'l always be there. And I've been told by a few people (very few people) before, that seeing the bright side of your past can help get over things like that. I see no fucking bright side though. The bright side was the friends I had. I can now count maybe 5 at most, that I hardly even keep contact with.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; May 19th 2012 at 11:06 PM.
   
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