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movingon Offline
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Unhappy whats wrong with me am i a pedophile - June 29th 2012, 10:54 AM

this has been bothering me for a long time. i think i am a pedophile and this is why:

When i was little i did a lot of sexual things. I was 8-9 me and my brother humped each other (my bother was 6-7).I told some people about it and they said it was normal for sibling to be playing around like that in a young age. Then another thing happened where me and my little sis played with each others you know... (i was 8-9 and she was 4-5). I tried to do the same thing with my little cousin (she was 1-2) but she didn't want to do it (obviously), So i just left her alone. I started playing (sexually) with my friends/cousins (they were all around my age) but when i was 13 i put my mouth on my 5 year old cousins penis when i was changing him, because i saw it on a porn video and i was eager to try it, it only lasted a second and we both laughed about it. I didn't think about all the things i did when i was younger until now (i'm 15 turning 16) and i hate pedophiles/child molester as much as i hate killers but one day i was reading about pedophiles/child molester and i thought could it be that i am one of them, because what i did when i was younger? Ever sense then things went down hill i asked about it online and people said no after reading my story, but it still bothers me I've NEVER been attracted (sexually or emotionally) to little kids and i keep thinking of little kids to see how i would react and i didn't get turned on or think anything dirty when i thought about them.Before that question popped in my head about me being a pedophile i rarely thought about kids and when i did it was about me having my own kids. So what is wrong with me why do i always feel as if i'm some sort of sick monster even after people have told me i'm not and why was so sexually curious at a young age and am i really a pedophile? this has been killing me to the point where i burst out crying its easy for me to feel guilt even for the smallest things so why am i like this PLEASE HELP
   
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Re: whats wrong with me am i a pedophile - June 29th 2012, 12:49 PM

We were all innocent as children and I guess it is just in our nature to explore and be curious, especially when it comes to sex. I remember doing sexual things with my brother, my friend and his little sister when my brother was about 9, making me and my friend 7 and his lil' sister about 4 or 5. We would have her on the bed naked and stick the toy electric screwdriver in places like you can probably guess. Apart from that, nothing much else. One day, I wanted to do it, but it was my turn per say (at least they told me it was) and I didn't want to, so we never ended up doing it again. It was all fun and games at the time but we almost got caught by their parents once... What you did at 13 I can't really judge but it was only a 'second' and you both joked afterwards so I don't see the harm - you were changing him after all so you saw his dick anyway lol.... curious sexual humans will be curious sexual creatures...
You saw it in the porn and wanted to try it, I don't blame you really. If I did it would be pretty much criticizing myself because I like guys.
You are not a paedophile, however, if you ever begin having these thoughts at your age now I suggest you seek counselling as it could degenerate you into a later depression. But none of what you had done was of any harm to anyone so I think you really need to begin moving on, as past events like this are affecting your everyday life. If you can try to forget about these things and think about your future it will make you realise you are not the monster you claim you could be. I suggest to get off the porn as well, but I think you have made a great step towards all of that by seeking help, even if online.
This is all in the past, you've grown up now and matured, we can see that, but as these events cannot be changed or made better you have to move on. We all did these things as children, to whatever extent but by no means are we evil or monsters.

Um, I think I rambled on a bit too much so I think you get my point, just relax and think towards your good future, leave the past behind.
   
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Re: whats wrong with me am i a pedophile - July 1st 2012, 04:35 AM

I think you should talk to this about a councilor, maybe at your school or something.
If you aren't feeling aroused by what you're doing there you aren't a pedophile (they are sexually aroused by children) but you seriously should talk to a councilor. It probably isn't the easiest thing to do but all of this could lead to major problems as you get older. Such as being depressed, socially withdrawn, etc.
You're still pretty young so there still is a lot of time to seek help for this before it turns into something more serious.
   
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Re: whats wrong with me am i a pedophile - July 2nd 2012, 08:54 PM

thank you all so much i'm trying to move on i still have that tummy twirling feeling in my stomach when i think about it but i know i can over come this anxiety
   
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Re: whats wrong with me am i a pedophile - July 4th 2012, 12:51 AM

If you've ever read the book Lolita, it's about an old man who has a formidable desire for "nymphets" or, 12 year old girls. That is because he had been psychologically traumatized when he was 12 and his 12 year old lover died. He then, to his old age, fell in love with young girls. It's a very interesting story. This anecdote sucks, but I think that you are not a pedophile. I think that you just have a curiosity for sexuality. completely normal. A lot of people have different wonders and such. Although I think you should rather not worry about being labeled as a "pedophile" and should start worrying about what you should do about this. Assuming you're not attracted to younger kids, it's just the sexual drive that are in us.
   
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