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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
poppyxo Offline
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Question what is wrong with me? - August 29th 2012, 05:05 PM

im really confused with whats going on!

at the end of last year i starting doing loads of research and stuff anout eating disorders, it was as if i was obsessed woth finding out the symptoms and every slice of info on the subject, how people dealt with it, how it triggered people, literally everything! after a month i had "given" myself some sort of eating disorder. i knew deep down that i hadnt got one but i also deeply believed i had! for about 4-5months, i lived my life woth an eating disorder, i genuinly hates my body, hated myself, punished myself for eating! refused it eat! made myself sick, refused to eat.. deep down i knew that this whole "disorder" was me lying to myself and that i was actually well and had nothing wrong with me. i felt guilty for "pretending".. i started a tumblr so i could blog about my disorder but i hid the fact that i didnt believe it was real to anyone. i talked to a few people on there with anorexia and bulimia. i felt like i had the same thing as them and as if we were going through the sane things but we werent. i also talked a few people out of suicide and i soon then became quite depressed. then again i did not believe i was actually depressed.

i then snapped out of the whole eating disorder thing practically overnight! i then knew that i couldnt of really had it after all!

after this (about 3months ago), i started to believe i had a mental illness, like schizophrenia, i reseached loads, again kind of obsessively, meaning everyday. i knew/know that i didnt hear voices ect, but i had seen things that werent really there. a month later i found in school i couldnt concerntrate as i would have a voice repeating everything anyone said so i would stop listening to the person talking so that the voice would go away. it wasnt a voice that sounded real, i knew that it was in my head. i still have this now occasionally, but most of all i have thought echos, which is when a voice in my head says all of my thoughts(i dont know if this is normal or not?) this fruatrates me and sometimes makes me feel like i need to ascape my own mind. i also replay thought, ideas and things that have happened or been said over and over in my head until i feel like im going to explode. i have moments when i feel great amounts of rage, so much anger that i could kill someone! but there is no apparent reason for it, it juat flicks on and off.

theres so much more but this is long enough as it is!
what makes me feel worse it that i feel as if its all lies ive told myself and that none of its real! i not trying to get any attention from anyone(i havent even told anyone) but i feel like an idiot, that i cant even tell if its real or if its just me making stuff up. i need to be back to normal! ive done all this to myself and now i need answers... is it real or not? do i have pyscotic mental health problem now or not? is this a illness in itsself? i dont know, i need help! i dont want to go to see a professional cause i feel like its just attenion seeking! i need help!
   
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Re: what is wrong with me? - August 29th 2012, 07:09 PM

Well obviously it seems like you never had the problems but was trying to convince yourself you had the symptoms and made yourself believe you had it. And it happened after you reasherched. It could be considered attention seeking, but it depends. Do you tell a lot of people? And obviously there must be a reason why you acted like that. Maybe you should talk to someone and say that you are convincing yourself you have these problems and being effected by the problems. And then they can point you in the direction of the help you need


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Re: what is wrong with me? - August 29th 2012, 07:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodbye_Lullaby View Post
Well obviously it seems like you never had the problems but was trying to convince yourself you had the symptoms and made yourself believe you had it. And it happened after you reasherched. It could be considered attention seeking, but it depends. Do you tell a lot of people? And obviously there must be a reason why you acted like that. Maybe you should talk to someone and say that you are convincing yourself you have these problems and being effected by the problems. And then they can point you in the direction of the help you need
hey, i know that it sounds very attention seeking, but i have never ever told anyone that i know in person, i shared my feelings on my tumblr at the times that i "had" an eating disorder. and i do honestly get the symptom i just cant classify if they are real or not. i have never used these things as a way to gain attention, i dont want attenion from it, never have. i just want to stop whatever it is thats happening
   
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Re: what is wrong with me? - August 29th 2012, 08:52 PM

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Originally Posted by poppyxo View Post
hey, i know that it sounds very attention seeking, but i have never ever told anyone that i know in person, i shared my feelings on my tumblr at the times that i "had" an eating disorder. and i do honestly get the symptom i just cant classify if they are real or not. i have never used these things as a way to gain attention, i dont want attenion from it, never have. i just want to stop whatever it is thats happening
Well if you haven't told someone you know in person then it's not attention seeking. If it was than you would be telling everyone you know. Bit whatever the reason. There is something which is putting those thoughts into your head. And it could get worse so I think it's best you talk to someone you can trust who can help you decide what you want to do. But if you need someone to talk to just message me (:


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