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View Poll Results: Whats wrong with me?
Nothing 5 62.50%
You're a douche 0 0%
I have the same problem 3 37.50%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 8. You may not vote on this poll

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Benjismilee Offline
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Angry 17 years old, loved my life, now I dislike it. Know its my false, but how do I fix it? - January 4th 2014, 02:36 AM

Hey Guys! I know most of you already think this is just going to be some whiny post about me and my life, and well. You're right! I think I'm just writing this because I like the idea of someone else reading it, and who knows, maybe even understand it.

I'm a 17 year old guy from Norway, not ugly, not hot, nothing special. Just decent, you know. Without sounding like a complete douche, I guess I would rate my self as a 7 out of 10.

Back when I was 12 years old, I got really, really depressed. I skipped school for a couple of months and stayed home crying for no reason, all day, every day. After a while I started playing computer games when I was home from school, to try to think of something else for a while. It helped, but it still didn't fix my issues. After a while, I got to speak a psychologist that I went to for 6-12 months (can't remember). That didn't really help me, but it felt really good talking to someone that I knew cared about me, and that I could be completely honest with. (Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I talked a lot with them about it back then, but its not the same as talking to a psychologist..) Anyway, after the summer holidays I started feeling better, and I went back to school. We had awesome teachers and my classmates were amazing. None asked me why I had been gone from school so much, I think most of them understood it, but they respected me enough to not ask. (Yes, unfortunately, I kept it a secret that I was having psychological problems). I turned in to just an average, social guy, I guess. I spent a lot of time on my computer playing games, but still went out with my friends a couple of times each week. This was my life, and I was completely fine with it.

However, the summer I turned 15 (?), the computer started taking up too much of my time. I started feeling too lazy to go out. And I just... Didn't feel like being social you know? Because of this, I started prioritizing my computer over my social life. Through the summer, all of my friends started going to the beach to play volleyball almost everyday. At least it felt like they did it everyday.

I came with them the first couple of times, and I really enjoyed it. There was a lot of guys, hot girls, and new people. (Good people, no drinking, no drugs or anything). But... When I was out, I kept thinking about my computer and that I rather could have been home relaxing and playing games.
Because of this, I started turning down their offers when they asked me to come to the beach with them. After saying no a couple of times, they of course stopped asking me. I mean, who wouldn't. I know how frustrating it is. I started seeing pictures on facebook/instagram of my friends enjoying themselves at the beach, and I couldn't help but feeling jealous. I wish I was there you know... But still, I prioritized my computer.

Through the fall I kept spending more and more time on my computer, until I pretty much stopped going out with friends. At school I was still a rather popular guy though, people liked me. I always had friends next to me that would back me up. No best friends though, just a lot of 'decent' friends.

Since I never spent any time with them outside of school, I lost contact with 90% of them when we changed schools and we all went to different high schools. I really miss them. But I'm not the guy that can just... Call them today and ask if they want to hang out.

I am now in the second year of high school, studying automation. Something that really doesn't interest me at all anymore. I don't enjoy playing computer games anymore, I really don't. Because I can't help but constantly thinking of what I could have been doing instead. I could have had a lot of friends, maybe a girlfriend, you know.. Been a social guy. Even though I don't enjoy computer games, I still play them a lot. My current daily routine is school - gym - sit in front of the pc - sleep. In the weekends I sit in my room playing games, if I'm in the mood for it. If I'm not, I'm just sitting here feeling empty and sorry for my self.

My problems aren't even that big, I don't have any good friends, I don't have a social life and I have turned in to some socially awkward douche. BUT I am healthy, fit, got excellent grades and people still like me at school. Every time I sit here feeling sorry for myself, I think of others who have so much bigger problems than me. But what does that help, I'm still a miserable douche, sitting home alone every night. I'm lonely, and I want it to change. But I'm too much of a pussy to get back out there. I feel bad for sitting in my room so much, I feel bad for my parents because I know they want me to be social. To feel better I started working out four times each week, I like it, I see results, and it feels good to get out of the house. Today, I still turn down my friends if they ever, very rarely, ask me to come out. I don't know why I do this, and I hate myself for doing it. What's wrong with me?
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Re: 17 years old, loved my life, now I dislike it. Know its my false, but how do I fix it? - January 7th 2014, 12:13 AM

Hey!

First of all, I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you. It seems to me like maybe you've just fallen into a pattern that you don't enjoy, and you are finding it very difficult to get out of.

I definitely recommend finding something that you really love to do and making it a big part of your life. You say that you're studying something you don't care about and are spending a large part of your time playing games that you don't enjoy, and it sounds like that's making it very hard for you to be happy. After all, it's not easy to be happy if you're doing things that constantly make you unhappy, right? It's great that you've started working out and are liking it so much - keep it up. Working out can be an awesome outlet and hobby, and can really make you feel a lot better.

About getting your social life back on track - just remember that you ARE the same person you were when you felt like you were more social. That personality is still a part of you, and it will probably come back if you give it a fighting chance. It sounds like people are trying to reach out to you at least occasionally, so they clearly still like you, and the next time someone asks you to hang out I think you should say yes. It might seem nerve-wracking or awkward, but I think it'll be worth it.

You can't change your actions in the past, but you can still change what you do in the future. Try to let go of what happened before this and focus on doing what you want to do now. Maybe you'll never have exactly the same life back again, but who knows, you might like what you end up with now even better! Just give it a shot. And if you find that you're feeling really down and having a lot of difficulty doing this, don't be afraid to talk to a professional about it, really. Good luck!







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