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DrDrei Offline
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Unhappy Am I over thinking things? - April 5th 2014, 01:23 PM

So recently, I decided to take on basketball since I don't have a sport.

Everyday,when I don't have training I go on a jog and I bring my bestfriend with me since he goes. Now for some reason I think he just feels obliged to come with me after the first time.
At one point he came in late and that worried me since I thought he wouldn't show up. He did and it was like usual. I always tell him to text me if he wants to go but it seems like I'm the one who always approaches first.

Is he just feeling forced to go or am I over thinking things?

One thing that I also assume is a reason is that I'm never used to go on someplace else and possibly interact with people without a friend with me and am just looking for someone to join me.
   
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Re: Am I over thinking things? - April 5th 2014, 10:20 PM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =) I'm so glad you decided to join this community.

I tend to over-think things and doubt the intentions of other people. It's a dangerous trap to fall in to, because if you assume people are doing things out of a sense of obligation, you may treat them differently. For example, if you think your friend doesn't really want to be with you, then you may feel guilty, sad, angry, etc. That may cause you to "act weird" around your friend, which will make things awkward between the two of you.

Instead of dwelling on the "what ifs" of this situation, I have two possible approaches for you to take. One would be to assume he's jogging with you because he wants to. If he didn't want to, then wouldn't it make sense for him to speak up and say so? Basically, this first approach is to take things at face value, and I think that would be the best approach, since you lack concrete evidence that your friend doesn't want to jog with you. The other approach would be to ask your friend if he enjoys jogging with you, or if he would rather be doing something else. That way, your friend has the option of voicing his preference. The key with this approach is to avoid coming across as insecure, because that could be upsetting for your friend. If you go with this approach, I suggest bringing up the question after you've finished jogging for the day (e.g., "This was fun! Do you want to jog with me next time, or would you prefer to do something else and jog with me another time?").





   
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Re: Am I over thinking things? - April 5th 2014, 11:08 PM

I do that before we go home. I tell him either personally through text or through calls to let me know if he'd want to go but I always end up being the one asking him if he'd want to go. That's the reason why I started to doubt if he really wants to go.
   
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Re: Am I over thinking things? - April 6th 2014, 01:02 AM

Okay, I think I understand this situation a bit better. So you're initially inviting him to contact you if he's interested, but then you always end up contacting him first? Do you always go jogging at the same time on the same days? If so, then why not just write down those days/times for him and leave it up to him to join you? If your schedule is irregular, then it would make sense for you to call him (because he wouldn't know when to show up otherwise). If your schedule is regular, then place the ball in his court ("I'm at this location on these dates at these times - meet here there by (time) whenever you want to jog with me") and see what happens. Maybe he'll keep showing up, maybe he'll only show up from time to time, or maybe he'll stop altogether. Whatever the result may be, you'll no longer have to worry about whether you're twisting his arm every time you invite him to join you.





   
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Re: Am I over thinking things? - April 6th 2014, 02:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Okay, I think I understand this situation a bit better. So you're initially inviting him to contact you if he's interested, but then you always end up contacting him first? Do you always go jogging at the same time on the same days? If so, then why not just write down those days/times for him and leave it up to him to join you? If your schedule is irregular, then it would make sense for you to call him (because he wouldn't know when to show up otherwise). If your schedule is regular, then place the ball in his court ("I'm at this location on these dates at these times - meet here there by (time) whenever you want to jog with me") and see what happens. Maybe he'll keep showing up, maybe he'll only show up from time to time, or maybe he'll stop altogether. Whatever the result may be, you'll no longer have to worry about whether you're twisting his arm every time you invite him to join you.
Sadly, it isn't regular. Its triggered. Its whenever either of us ask. I do get your idea though and I'll try it. I think you should know that our schedule was his idea and all his. I didn't bother changing it since it worked out for me.

Last edited by DrDrei; April 6th 2014 at 01:08 PM.
   
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Re: Am I over thinking things? - April 8th 2014, 12:19 PM

Hey, thanks for the advice. Though he hasn't come in any of the sessions so far, his reason is valid anyways. At least my mind is at ease knowing that he has the option to do whatever he wants to regarding the issue. Also, at least now I don't rely on someone to do something correctly.
   
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Re: Am I over thinking things? - April 9th 2014, 08:08 PM

I'm glad to hear things are working out for you! =)





   
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Re: Am I over thinking things? - April 20th 2014, 07:48 AM

Learn to relax and enjoy your life. You're still young and still have a lot of things to do in life. Talk to people and gather new friends. You don't deserve to feel lonely and don't spend time overthinking on what others think or say behind your back. Life is awesome!
   
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