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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Always * Offline
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Mental health and life changes - December 7th 2014, 07:40 PM

For years I was alone. I lived alone. I didn't have many friends. My family lived hundreds or thousands of miles away. No one was around to see what I was or wasn't doing. I lost a lot of friends after my first year of university. I was to busy being depressed to care.

Now things finally turned around for me because I got into the post graduate program I wamted and I have an amazing boyfriend. I love him. He's so good for me. Without him I would have been a nervous wreck dealing with all the drama in my post grad program at school. He hugs me and we have fun.

But under all of that I can feel things polig holes in it. My issues with my body and food have been resurfacing. I catch myself saying things like "I need to go to the gym or I'll get fat" or "I shouldn't eat more cause I'll get fat" I look in the mirror and see someone who's fat. Nothing more.

My issues with my anxiety are still really bad. He might keep me happy enough tjat it's not so bad, but I finally had a meltdown and threw a picture frame across the room and the glass shattered all over. I used to have breakdowns all the time, but it's not so bad right now but it's still poking holes in my "perfect world".

I'm my perfect world I am still way more high strung than my classmatesc I still need to relax. I still need to give myself a break etc but I'm not having meltdowns.

I tried to go to counselling in August but I couldn't pay for it. I feel embarrassed to think I still need counsellingt when I domt. It's not like my life is falling apart just because I'm an anxious person. I can work through it all and my boyfriend makes me happy. But I've come to realist that I don't think I'll ever get rid of the anxiety. Not if it's poking holes in my reality when I'm happy for the first time in years.




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Re: Mental health and life changes - December 8th 2014, 06:04 PM

Hey there,

I went through a similar thing during my first year of university. Prior to that, I had no friends, got bullied, felt very low and was anxious every day. When I got to uni, I settled in really well, made friends, felt happier than I had done in a decade and calmer. Everything was going well, or so I thought. Slowly, anxiety kept creeping back in, even though I was happy.

Since you are in a postgraduate programme, is it possible to counselling from your university? It can be hard thinking of counselling, when you feel that your life isnít falling apart. But you donít need to have your life falling apart to benefit from counselling. Here in the UK, the standard is 6 counselling sessions to start with. After that the progress is reviewed and it is decided whether more sessions are needed or not- some people are happy with just those 6 sessions. Iíve even read that some are happy with 1 or 2, or just a few sessions here and there. I think that if itís poking holes in your otherwise happy reality, then itís definitely worth having counselling for. Iím sure that with help you will be able to overcome anxiety completely, or at the very least, find better ways of managing it, or preventing it.

Take care


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Re: Mental health and life changes - December 9th 2014, 12:18 AM

Hi There,

This does not sound surprising to me. I do not have anxiety but I have depression and I thought and felt like things were going well when I came to college: I was glad to be getting a new start and things were going well...sort of but then my depression crept back in/it was really creeping in the whole time and it took me ages to get over things and to see that I was not doing well at all. I am finally getting help this semester and that is both scary and great but worth it.
Take care.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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