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Question I don't deserve to have problems? - April 29th 2016, 09:44 AM

Like. My life was/is pretty much good. Not too many bad parts, I would say 80% perfect to be totally honest. If I had the chance to live as another person next time, I would chose to live this life again for real. Supporting family, not too many, but really good friends, even good schools...
Yet here I'm, a self-loathing ass with the constant desire to punish myself with self-harm for whatever bad things I did, and with ED tendencies. Yes, I was bullied and ridiculed for my looks in elementary school, but even that wasn't overly traumtic? lol. Just some teasing, really. But like who did not get teased at some point of their life? It's part of growing up I guess.
But there are billions of people who have it much worse than me. Who was born into poverty, or can't walk, or was born sick, or live in a war-zone and thinking about THIS makes me feel even worse. I feel so bad about these people, because I live a life they may not even have the chance to experience. I don't deserve to have problems. I don't deserve to harm my body, to eat in a disordered way (my family spends money to buy food, I'm not even grateful for their effort to feed me) I have everything in the world, even more. I feel so ungreatful, but I can't change the way I look at myself. I think I don't deserve love. I hate me. And I hate myself even more, because I have no reason 'to hate me'. Can someone figure out this mess?
   
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Re: I don't deserve to have problems? - April 29th 2016, 10:42 AM

No one 'deserves' to have problems. But that doesn't stop them from occurring. Mental health issues go across the border- rich, poor, good health, bad health etc. Mental health issues don't discriminate.

It's quite common to think that you are lucky, you didn't have it worse, or to compare yourself to others who are more visibly suffering. But that doesn't do any good. It makes it worse for you, because you are dismissing your feelings, when instead you should listen to them.

Bullying and teasing is not part of growing up, though it is unfortunately quite a common issue to deal with. But it doesn't mean that you should have to go through it. Ideally, no-one would get bullied. And while bullying and teasing may not seem 'traumatic' it can definitely have lasting affects and take it's toll on your self-esteem and how you see yourself and the world around you.

I'm sorry to hear that you struggle with disordered eating and self harm, as well as hating yourself. Have you talked to anyone about this, such as a family member, friend or a counsellor? You don't have to go through this alone and you do deserve support and help.


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Re: I don't deserve to have problems? - April 29th 2016, 01:14 PM

Hey there,
Thank you for reaching out. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to what you're saying. I know I can, even though I've been through some of the things you've mentioned, I think about people who have it "worse". I got upset once because I lost my pen at school (it was a really good one!) And this person told me, "children are starving in Africa, and all you care about is a pen?" Now to be fair, I grew up in poverty and sometimes poverty has you getting attached to random objects like pens. But at any rate, my point here is that, everyone has their own problems to deal with, and mentsl health is valid on its own. Just like if someone was battling cancer, no one would say man, can you stop complsining? There are people in warxones etc. You don't deserve to have problems, but you do have problems and your problems matter. You deserve to heal and feel better about yourself and your life.


Also, in my opinion, we live in a messed up society so just our human existence can be at least a little traumatic to our psyches. Things like racism, sexism, LGBT phobia etc are all scary things to deal with.
Even if not firsthand, it can be upsetting. You mention all these issues people go through. It sounds like you care about others and that's really great. But there's no better or worse really. We each have unique experiences and the challenges you face may or may not be hard for others but are hard for you. And vise versa.

I was going to write more but I have to go right now. I'll check back later to either edit or see any updates.



Take care
   
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Re: I don't deserve to have problems? - April 29th 2016, 10:20 PM

Thank you for the replies!
I haven't talked about it directly. I think my parents suspect it, and they try to help silently, but now that i think they might have a clue makes me think that I'm such a bad daughter to make them worried. I told a few friends that i'm not 100% okay, but they don't know the severity of it (i think?), but I can't tell them either. Them, too, have it worse than me. Family issues, divorced parents, own mental health problems... I would feel like a wannabe or something, because next to them my problems seem so insignificant and unreal. Like there should not be anything wrong with me since their situation is bad and yet there seem happy. I should be happy too. So i always convince myself that i can't have problems, therefor there is no reason to seek help.

Yes, life is so stressful nowadays. And i know, right? I'm not even LGBT member but when people are hating on them it makes me so mad! Why so much hatred...
   
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Re: I don't deserve to have problems? - April 30th 2016, 12:11 AM

Hey there again,
I hear what you're saying but you're not a bad daughter for this
Your parents are trying to help because they probably see you struggling. It sounds like they want to help, it's okay to let them though I know it is hard to accept help from others. We are all vulnerable and we have strengths too but sometimes we don't have it together and that's okay.

However bad they may have it, it is likely they do care and may even have some insight and can offer support.

It sounds like you're struggling not only the problems you've mentioned but even accepting that these are problems. Maybe youre unsure. I know it is hard, but try talking back when these thoughts come up. If youre self harming and have an eating disorder that's already an indication to seek help.

Can I ask if you see a counselor at all? If not, maybe that's something you can start with? If you're in school or college you can start there and just tell them like it is. That you're struggling but you don't feel it is real or that it counts or that...whatever else you feel is worth mentioning. And even if youre scared tell them there's things you haven't mentioned because you're scared. maybe write down a few things and if worse comes to worse, just read the list, even if that sounds robotic, just pretend you're a news reporter xD I'm serious though. Sometimes it helps hearing it from a counselor who theoretically deals with "worse" problems as you say. That your struggle is real and valid.


I want to see you get through this, I'm rooting for you. We all are.

Also, I just wanted to mention, if LGBT rights is something you're interested in, definitely look into that. Even if you don't identify as part of that community, you can be an ally and that is invaluable. Same thing goes for any issue you care about or even just explore. Doing something meaningful to you and dedicating your energy to something you belirve in can go a long way. .


   
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Re: I don't deserve to have problems? - May 1st 2016, 07:23 PM

Hi! Thank you for the kind words and advices!
No, I don't see a counselor. Uh... I don't want to burden my parents with it and keeping it a secret (if I would see one) seems like a hard thing to do too.

Yeah I'm interested in people and society in general. It's actually what I'm studying now at uni
   
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Re: I don't deserve to have problems? - May 2nd 2016, 02:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by smolwhale View Post
Hi! Thank you for the kind words and advices!
No, I don't see a counselor. Uh... I don't want to burden my parents with it and keeping it a secret (if I would see one) seems like a hard thing to do too.

Yeah I'm interested in people and society in general. It's actually what I'm studying now at uni

Well it's up to you of course, but I do encourage you to give it a try. I see a counselor in secret only because my family does not approve but if your family is okay with it, I dont think you'd have to keep it a secret. That said, you dont have to tell them what goes on during sessions.

That's really cool! I'm a sociology major so I suppose one can argue I am interested in people and society What's your major if you don't mind me asking?
   
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Re: I don't deserve to have problems? - May 2nd 2016, 05:19 AM

Thank you, I will think about it then

I will PM you!
   
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