TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Kate* Offline
Newsletter Tips Writer
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Kate*'s Avatar
 
Name: Katie
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 4,637
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Worse before better vs. need a new therapist - March 10th 2017, 02:54 AM

I've never been in this situation from the client side, so I'm hoping somebody can offer insight. I've posted before about how I've thought about changing therapists: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f14-m...ng-therapists/

After I posted that, our next session was much better and I decided to stay with her. After I failed to do a second assignment though, I'm trying to figure out whether I feel bad after sessions because it's "supposed" to, or if it's because I need a different therapist. I knew going in that I would feel worse at first, and that it would be uncomfortable. She's the best therapist I've had so far, so I stuck it out, but I'm not sure how long I should give it.

I told her I have phone anxiety and that I have to come to terms with the fact that vocational rehab or SSI are the only options I really have before I can look into them. The assignment was to call voc rehab. She says that the only way I'll fail is if I don't try so I'm "choosing to fail" I prefer choosing not to kill myself since I've spiraled trying to do both assignments now. I'm afraid she's going to quit on me too. I don't think she understands that I have actually given up on everything completely. So, putting myself through the anxiety of doing what she says feels completely pointless, and if I end up right with a negative experience then it'll only make me worse. Also, she mentioned medication then backed away from it. Now she's claiming that it's because I said I didn't want it. I don't think I've ever said that. I said I didn't want it thrown at me, big difference. Part of me feels like I need an incurable optimist who won't give up on me, and part of me is afraid she will anyway. I'm tempted to just say even therapy with a good therapist didn't work and have this count as another reason to stop trying. And I'm afraid if I stop seeing the one I already have, I won't ever call another one.


Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
del677 Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
del677's Avatar
 

Posts: 516
Join Date: December 28th 2016

Re: Worse before better vs. need a new therapist - March 10th 2017, 07:17 AM

It sounds like maybe she's trying the desensitizing approach, where if you make a phone call you'll "learn" that phone calls are not deadly. Personally, this approach never worked for me.

My personal experience with mild Asperger's, is doing a lot of Mindfulness Meditation has helped train my brain to relax, and possibly has helped deactiave my mind/body's Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight or Flight), and activate my mind/body's Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest, Digest, Restore, and socialize). I'm now less nervous, less anxious, my social engagement has improved, i can now stand in front of a large group and not feel nervous about it at all.

The "Choosing to Fail" thing I think is for optimistic people who don't have any mental illness or social anxiety problems. I personally think "Choosing not to get upset over failure" is more reasonable, as I can't really control the world, but I can chose my reaction to it.

Anyway, guided meditations can be nice, and can slowly alter the brain towards a less stressed, less anxious, more calm and accepting mindset. There's a meditation app called "Headspace" you can also try. It has a few animated videos during the first 10 which are free, which explain the concept. The idea is we can use our brain to help heal our brain. We can consciously get our brain to rewire itself by learning to focus our mind and doing these simple mind training exercises. I often do a 4 minute meditation with my therapist at the beginning of a session, as it helps get both of us in a good relaxed mood.

There have only been 2 therapists I did not connect well with. One I dropped after 3 sessions, because I kept coming away feeling worse than when I started, and I felt like the therapist was upset at me for not having enough problems for him to solve (Ironic, isn't it, that he then became one of my biggest problems?)

Desensitizing might help in certain situations. If you were afraid to touch a phone, you could try going near it, and each time getting a little closer, etc. Training the brain that nothing bad happens when you get near the phone or touch it. My own experience is Mindfulness Meditation worked a whole lot better. It decreased my overall anxiety about everything, then I wasn't anxious anymore, and things like phone calls were no longer difficult.

Yoga is another mindfulness option, though there are so many different kinds I hardly know where to start.

For Asperger's, I've been studying body language, and small talk.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Kate* Offline
Newsletter Tips Writer
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Kate*'s Avatar
 
Name: Katie
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 4,637
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Worse before better vs. need a new therapist - March 10th 2017, 08:17 AM

Well, I only mentioned the phone anxiety after I didn't call them, thinking that would help explain part of the reason why (I had bigger problems I needed to start with and was okay putting the phone anxiety off), but I don't think she really "got it." Her thinking is that not trying is choosing to fail and supposedly if I try, then whatever it is will go well, I'll have "success" and then I can use it to counter the rut I'm stuck in. My thinking is that I fail either way, so why bother? It's a lot to put myself through just to prove her wrong. There is literally nowhere to go to get myself out of this even if I did try. I've heard people with this fail to be helped by voc rehab and then don't qualify for SSI. And if I managed to get either, it just proves that I'm not capable of the life I wanted. She's convinced that my dream job could be waiting for me there and I'll never find it if I don't call. Considering what I know about agencies like this, I seriously doubt that!


Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
~One Skittles Minion~

Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Celyn's Avatar
 
Name: Holly
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Wales

Posts: 5,456
Blog Entries: 151
Join Date: June 16th 2009

Re: Worse before better vs. need a new therapist - March 10th 2017, 05:33 PM

I see your conflict here. Would it be worth talking about the phone anxiety more with your therapist?

I have phone anxiety too so I know exactly what it's like. I personally think of my behaviour in general as giving up before I begin. Perhaps this is what your therapist might be thinking? Although, I think choosing to fail is a little harsh. It's not like you are choosing to fail since the anxiety can feel overwhelming, I know.

I would like to think that your therapist wouldn't give up on you. I know that I can be reluctant to do things in therapy, but a good therapist should be understanding of this and that change may take time, rather than a 'do x and y will happen, otherwise you fail'.

Would you feel comfortable discussing this with your therapist? It sounds like you have a good therapeutic relationship and it would be worth discussing these things first, before making a choice of whether to get a new therapist.


HelpLINK and Live Help Officer
Feel free to PM me! Even if I canít help, Iím always going to listen <3
SKITTLIFY!

   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Kate* Offline
Newsletter Tips Writer
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Kate*'s Avatar
 
Name: Katie
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 4,637
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Worse before better vs. need a new therapist - March 10th 2017, 06:36 PM

I think she's at a loss as much as I am, so if I don't do what she asks, then nothing happens and there's nowhere for her to go. If there's nothing for us to do, then why should she keep seeing me? We can't work through an experience I don't have, and I can't pursue something I don't know about. She jokingly threatened/asked "Do we need to call voc rehab?" I don't even know what I"m supposed to ask these people! and I doubt they can do anything for me, since I've heard countless stories of people with the same diagnosis finding it a waste of time. She's convinced the answers and my happy ending have to be somewhere. I'm convinced they aren't. I know she can't do it for me, but we need to deal with why I'm stuck before we can force me to do something and expect it to get anywhere.


Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
del677 Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
del677's Avatar
 

Posts: 516
Join Date: December 28th 2016

Re: Worse before better vs. need a new therapist - March 11th 2017, 07:00 AM

Please forgive me if I get any of the pieces wrong. I'm trying to put together your story so I can get an idea of the whole.

If I understand correctly, you almost have a Master's Degree in counseling? And then there is some sort of Asperger's like trait?

Well I can only say what my experience has been so far. I graduated in a technical field. Later someone suggested I have mild Asperger's traits. (The two might go together. Temple Grandin says Silicon Valley is full of autistic genius tech people.)

I was trying to think if there was a field where my autism or Asperger's would be a benefit rather than a hindrance. I can be around depressed people and it doesn't bother me. I can be around mentally ill people having all sorts of problems, and while I care about them deeply and hope they get well and want to help them, at the same time, it doesn't bother me to be around them, like it apparently bothers other people. Other people tell me it really drags them down to be around someone who's depressed. That doesn't make any sense to me. They're the one who's depressed, not me. Why should I be depressed because they are depressed? Apparently other people are very good at catching other people's emotions, like they are contagious, but it doesn't bother me.

So I volunteer at the county Psychiatric Health Facility, where the most severely mentally ill people are. I get along well with them. I see them as people, who have problems, but they're still people, and I yearn to give them that human connection, and be a peer.

So while I have no schooling or training whatsoever in the counseling field, I have read a lot of books on the brain, and I've had a lot of (very unpleasant) experiences of my own with mental illness, so I'm a peer, and can relate, and maybe this Asperger's trait actually comes in handy.

Just an idea. I'm not sure if counseling was the career choice you were pursuing. Sorry if I got that totally wrong.

I would like to believe a good job developer or vocational counselor or whatever they are calling it these days, a good person would be able to assess your skills and knowledge and abilities as well as any disabilities, and creatively come up with somewhere where those are all assets, where even the disabilities are assets.

Oh, I also like changing therapists about once a year. I figure after a year I've exhausted everything I'm going to learn from the therapist and it's time to try someone else. (Actually this just started by accident, as I was going to one of those inexpensive places where they train therapists. They'd assign a therapist trainee to me, then after a year that therapist would move away or graduate or something and they'd assign me a new therapist. I didn't mind. I liked the variety. Most were good. One was mediocre. One I couldn't stand and I dropped him after a few sessions.)

I'm still trying to figure out where I fit in the world and find myself a job, so, I'm not really the best qualified person to give advice on that topic.

Best wishes! I hope things work out! (They probably will, in some sort of unexpected way.)
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Kate* Offline
Newsletter Tips Writer
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Kate*'s Avatar
 
Name: Katie
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 4,637
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Worse before better vs. need a new therapist - March 11th 2017, 07:55 AM

You nailed it. I was forced out after years of paying to be ripped to emotional shreds and blamed for it by people who were lisence-eligible mental health professionals while I never will be. They convinced me that I would cause psychological harm, but couldn't tell me where the hell it was coming from. Turns out this is extremely rare and most people end up on a combination of vocational rehab and/or disability benefits with a high suicide rate. By the time we realize we have it, we've deeply invested in things that fall completely apart. She keeps reminding me that this doesn't mean I'm stupid, but if my intelligence can't be used, what's the point of having it? As much as I want to believe it'll work out, I've been disappointed too many times.


Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
del677 Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
del677's Avatar
 

Posts: 516
Join Date: December 28th 2016

Re: Worse before better vs. need a new therapist - March 13th 2017, 07:14 AM

Thank you for writing.

Have you read the book Plese Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence by David Keirsey? I found it very useful to understand myself, once I figured out which of the 16 personality types I identified with most. (Actually, I felt like the author had been stalking me all my life, because he wrote things about me I didn't even know myself until I read them!) Plus it helps me understand other people better, and understand that other people are fundamentally different from me. (Well there are 16 personality types, so 15 I don't identify with as much!)

You can also check out the website:
http://www.keirsey.com
and look under "The Four Temperaments".

And I have these secret links into their website (I don't know if they are secret, but they are hard to find):
http://www.keirsey.com/personalityzone/index.asp

Dating:
http://www.keirsey.com/personalityzone/lz1.asp

College:
http://www.keirsey.com/personalityzone/cz10.asp

Jobs, and Finding Your Passion or What Makes a Job Right for You:
http://www.keirsey.com/personalityzone/wz2.asp

A psychologist once told me I don't have to be a scientist, I could just be someone who does science. (Replace "Science" with whatever you want.)

I do get confused about who I am though. There's "successful" me. There's "failure" me. There's "happy" me. There's "unhappy" me. There's "I'm a good person and everybody likes me", and there's "I'm a bad person and everyone hates me." I'm never sure, as it keeps changing on me. My moods fluctuate all over, and my opinion of myself changes frequently, much faster than I myself can possibly change. There's stories about me I tell myself. There's my identity, which seems to depend on other people, even though that doesn't make any sense.

The best me seems to come from doing frequent meditation. Apparently that's very healthy for the brain (and my brain needs a lot of help, with all this fluctuating moods and identity).

Oh, and here's a little help with the four basic personality types. (Then each type has four subtypes, for a total of 16.)

Do you base your self esteem on:
1. Physical Performance
2. Being Dependable
3. Being Competent
4. Being Authentic

Who do you most identify with and wish to be like:
1. Evel Knievel
2. An executive
3. Einstein
4. Ghandi

These correspond to Myers-Briggs:
1. SP
2. SJ
3. NT
4. NF

Keirsey calls these:
1. Artisan
2. Guardian
3. Rational
4. Idealist

Percentage of population is approximately:
1. 35%
2. 50%
3. 5%
4. 10%

The other thing I learned the hard way is not to worry about money and my future. I used to do that and I worried so much it made me psychologically ill and I ended up living 3 months in a residential treatment program. So this time around, I ain't going to worry, as I know that will just make me sick! (I'm still trying to find a suitable job, as I know I'll be happier, and I'll have more money, but I need to stay mentally well so I'm well enough for a job.)

Well sorry that really isn't an answer, just a direction. Possibly looking into the above Kersian Temperament Theory (which I don't know why they don't teach this as it's so incredibly useful!), and figuring out which of the 4 basic personality types you identifiy with, may be of help. You may better understand yourself and others, and understand the type of vocation you yearn for, which may in turn help you better pursue that which makes you happy.

Best wishes!
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Kate* Offline
Newsletter Tips Writer
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Kate*'s Avatar
 
Name: Katie
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 4,637
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Worse before better vs. need a new therapist - March 13th 2017, 07:50 AM

Therapist suggested interest inventories, I've taken them for fun and also, they teach you how to give and interpret them by having you practice on yourself. Problem is, I'm drawn to everything I can't do, and I'm good at things I hate. I'm an INFJ by the way, who's not allowed near people.


Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
therapist, worse

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.