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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I don't know what to do - June 16th 2017, 12:10 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel awful. I feel so ugly and my face is so fat and my body is not.
My mum gets angry at me when I am not even doing anything, and calls me ugly which makes me sad and makes me not want to even be here anymore.
The other day my brother also got angry at me for no reason and told me that I have a 'fat nose' and 'fat face'.

I stopped eating properly because of that, but now I've given up. I'm too tired to count calories and make up lies as to why I don't want any food. I'm tired mentally and physically. This has been going on for nearly two years now, and things just keep getting worse.
Nothing good happens to me. Whenever it does it goes away or someone makes me feel horrible again. I am never happy. Always tired and sad. I cry most nights.

I honestly don't want to be here anymore. I want this to end.
I just wanted to let this out.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know what to do - June 16th 2017, 02:03 PM

Hey Lavern!

First of all, I am so sorry that your mum and your brother are saying these to you. It sounds to me like they are verbally abusive, and that's not good! I understand how these constant negative comments towards you must have greatly caused you to think of yourself negatively as well. You might think that you are ugly, but the truth is every good person are beautiful and definitely not ugly!

You are not ugly at all! The real ugly people are those who look nice from the outside, but ugly in their hearts. I am sure you are not. A kind heart is more valuable and sustainable than looks. No one is going to be beautiful forever, but what last forever is your kindness. To me, kind and good hearted people are beautiful, while good looking people are ugly if they are ugly hearted! Good looking or not, your self-worth is so much more than just appearance! You are much more worthy than you think! To me it sounds like you might be having low esteem problems that makes you feel unsecure about yourself. While I couldn’t pinpoint what is the cause to that, but there might be a few possible methods you can try to improve on that!

First, it is a good habit to do positive self-talk. This means that you constantly remind yourself about positive things. It can be hard to initiate it, but it’s a vicious cycle; once you break it and go into positive self-talk, you will start to feel better and better! Next, don’t ever compare yourself with others anymore! They might have better looks than you do, but I am sure you have your own uniqueness, different from everyone else. Everyone is great at something, you too! No one is perfect, but everyone is unique, and so do you! It will be beneficial to you if you spend some time thinking about your strengths and spend time in improving it. They will be the ones that define who you are and your inner beauty, which is so much more valuable than looks. Also, instead of being sad that why you are not good looking enough, try to focus on things that you can change! You mentioned that you think you are fat and ugly. Being fat is something you can change by changing your eating patterns and exercise more, and you will definitely see improvements on that. I understand how you mentioned that your face is fat but not your body, but actually that can be fixed with good eating habits too! You are definitely not ugly, probably just struggling with low esteem and improper eating habits, but these are never reasons why you are ugly! Again, be kind to yourself, if you keep telling yourself that you are not ugly but beautiful, sometime later you will start to believe this yourself! And I assure you once again, that you are beautiful, and you should always remind yourself that!

You can fix this, I know you can. I hope you will regain a good eating habit soon and find back your self-esteem again. Please, never, never give up, because you can do this!

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know what to do - June 16th 2017, 02:08 PM

I'm very sorry for the way your family treats you. It always hurts the most when it's supposed to be people that love you that are saying these things.
Just know that none of this is true, we're all beautiful regardless of our shape, size, etc.
Is there anyone else in your life who you could lean to for support? Another family member, a friend, a therapist or some kind of social worker?
I say this over and over to every person who says they stop eating or eating properly but by doing that, after a period of time, your body goes in to "starvation mode" which you end up low in glucose and so then your body starts breaking down its fat cells into fatty acids. Your brain cannot function on this so then you're affecting your normal brain activity. After 72 hours or so, your body beings cannibalising itself. If your goal is to lose weight from this method, its not worth it because it takes time and the longer you go without providing your body nutrients the more damage your doing (which I know is not your intention).
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, though and I really wish there was more I could do for you. Please send me a PM if you need to talk with someone one on one. I really hope the best for you. If you can, I would suggest seeing if you could talk with someone like a therapist.

Live Help Mentor 4/29/2017
Message me if you need anything.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know what to do - June 16th 2017, 02:15 PM


It upsets me to read that your family have said things like that which have made you resort to unhealthy behaviours. Have you mentioned to them how it has made you feel at all? I'm not sure how they would react based on what you have said already, but I know that family members sometimes take their frustration out on each other because it's easier to do and sometimes seems more acceptable. I've been guilty of saying things I'm not proud of to my family members too, and felt really bad about it afterwards. Nothing justifies the way they have treated you, and you're perfectly within your rights to be offended and upset by it, but perhaps you could let them know it really isn't ok to use you as a punching bag if that is the case. Even if they don't have frustrations from elsewhere, treating you like that is far from alright, and if you feel comfortable with it, telling them when they have upset you may help you feel a bit better.

Regardless of how you look or what your weight is, it's so important to stay healthy. Calorie counting can be a problem for a lot of people because it leads to issues such as not eating properly. Instead of looking at calories, just make sure that you eat a balanced diet and stay active. I know that it is too easy to get preoccupied with appearences, especially if people have made you doubt yours, but please try to remind yourself that your health is far more important than changing the way you look. You will be beautiful regardless, and as hard as it might be to believe it, I truly believe that every person is beautiful in some way. Nobody is perfect, so it's fine to have flaws and insecurities which you're not keen on, but don't let those be dictated by others. It isn't ok for people to point out flaws, and I'm sorry that your family have. Try to remind yourself if they do that they are opinions, not objective facts. You can choose to try and love yourself, even if it's a difficult thing to do, so don't let people force you to hate yourself.

I know you say you don't want to be here anymore, but I think the fact that you are shows how strong you have been so far. It's ok to feel tired. Tiredness means you have been fighting, and that's really good. You may continue to feel like this for a while but it just means the fight will be worth it. When people say things that upset you, perhaps you can find a way to let these feelings out in a less unhealthy way than by not eating properly. For example, you said you just wanted to get this all out, so why not post a blog entry here, or keep a journal/diary in which you can pour your feelings into so that they don't consume you. You could also get away from the situation for a bit. Leave the house and go for a walk, maybe get a coffee and sit in the park for a bit. I find that watching other people who are relaxed and care free can be therapeutic to me, for instance, because it reminds you that life is so full of joy beyond what you might be feeling in the moment. There's nothing wrong with letting yourself feel refreshed by enjoying the sounds of life, and the fresh air and walk may act as a way for you to clear your head if you are having a particularly bad day.

Finally, have you considered speaking to a professional in your area? Depending on where you live, you may be able to access a therapist through your doctor, or if you're at school, there may be a counsellor on site who you can talk to as well. I say this because, while coming here will no doubt get you some amazing support and advice, on going support from a therapist or counsellor could make even more of a difference. They may be able to help you address the issues with your self esteem even more, and also guide you in being able to enjoy yourself a bit more. I know it's hard to do that when people are being not very nice, and speaking to someone may be a worrying thought, but it's something you could perhaps look into if you feel like it might be useful.

Like I have said, I'm very sorry that people have made you feel so unhappy about yourself and your life, but I am glad you came here to look for support. I hope this has helped you a bit. Remember that no matter what people say, you are not ugly. It's never ok for people to take away your confidence, and I hope that you find a way to remind yourself of just how much you are worth. Stay strong, ok? You can get through this, and if you need anything at all, I'm only ever a message away.

Take care.

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The things you donít need to liveó
books, art, cinema, wine, and so onó
are the things you need to live

- Matt Haig

  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know what to do - June 16th 2017, 02:18 PM

I reckon what Fallon said. Worse still, when you are in starvation mode the rate your body uses up calories will be greatly reduced. And at the time you start binging, that huge amount of food will actually being used up in that same rate! That means that most of the food you eat is actually converted into fats but not glucose, because your metabolism rate had greatly reduced due to the starvation!

And yes, when your body is lacking glucose during starvation, it start to burn fat for energy, which is like ketogenic diet. At this point its still fine, but when you keep on straving this way, your fat will eventually being used up and what's the last thing your body will burn to survive? Muscles, ie protein. Thats when your body will damage your muscles and burn them for energy and its irreversible untill glucose is given again. And the worse part of it is that the muscles that is burned will not be restored immidiately and it takes time to build new protein to recover!

If you really want to consider reducing fat, in your body or even your face, do search up for ketogenic diet and study it very carefully before you try that out. I personally dont recommend it, but I know some people (including my sister due to treatments attempts), who tried out ketogenic diet and survives well. But they actually look really skinny because your body really burns fat for energy for the whole day! And here I mean really really skinny.

Anyway, I actually think that the main problem is with your self esteem, but know that you are not ugly even a bit!

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
  Send a message via Skype™ to Thinking 
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