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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Noire Online
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Residential or PHP? - July 20th 2017, 01:58 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Trigger warnings for SH, ED, and suicide.

For those of you who don't know, I've been struggling with a very difficult depression for about a year and a half now. We've tried everything, pretty much, even ECT. We found a medication that seemed to work well at the end of last year but then something traumatic happened that triggered my PTSD and made it ten times worse with flashbacks, body memories, nightmares, etc. I self-harmed really badly in January and since then I've been in some form of intensive therapy all year. I went to residential for a couple of weeks in February/March, then to ED treatment in March/April, and then to a behavioral PHP/IOP since then.

The problem is that in early June my depression came back, whereas before the bigger problem had been my eating disorder/trauma. I pretty much became incapable of doing anything. I started self-harming and residential was brought up. I tried to "prove" I was okay by being all extroverted and productive, but since I was depressed it only wore me out. I broke down and tried to commit suicide a week ago. I was put in an inpatient psychiatric hospital once my vitals stabilized.

It was very difficult to work on a discharge plan at the hospital because everyone was fighting for me to go to residential and I didn't want to. We started a new medication that seems to be working well; I've felt much more competent and upbeat the last few days with fewer SH and suicide urges. I finally got into a different PHP since my insurance wouldn't pay for my last place and my therapist told them not to accept me back any way.

The thing is I don't know what to do. Now that I've thought about it I can see why everyone thinks residential would be good for me. It probably would be. But I'm feeling so positive and I did so much stuff today; I feel fantastic. I feel like "me." So I don't know whether to just go forward with this new med and PHP and follow through with my plans to go back to school next semester or to go to residential. I feel pressure to decide because the deadline for class payments is on July 28th and I just don't feel like a week is enough time to see whether I get depressed again or not.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave my family if I don't have to but if it would preserve our chances of a brighter future together then I'll go. I just don't know.

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Re: Residential or PHP? - July 20th 2017, 02:14 AM

In regards to school, do you know what their refund policy is? At my college they will refund your money 100% up to the first three weeks into the semester. After that they will not give you a refund. I know other colleges are different but it might help if you look into the refund policy because then there might not be as much pressure for you to decide by the 28th.

If you feel like you are doing good then you really might be okay to continue on without residential. The one thing I suggest is that you be willing to commit to residential if things get bad in the next few months.

Back when my doctor was talking about placing me in a residential treatment center, I made a compromise with her which was that she would hold off on any type of residential treatment and allow me the time to try and get better on my own. However, I had to promise that if things got worse, I was planning on self harming again or I was planning suicide I would talk to her so she could start looking into residential.

I ended up not needing residential but I would have kept my promise because my therapist placed her trust in me and because I truly didn't want to harm myself anymore.

Maybe you could consider making that kind of compromise with your current doctor. (Only if you feel like you will be able to stay true to the compromise).

If you feel like you need to make the choice between PHP and Residential. I feel like in the long run you might actually get more out of residential. The only issue you might have with that is if you continue to feel good then you might feel as though you are wasting your time and money on residential when you could be home with family.

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Re: Residential or PHP? - July 20th 2017, 06:56 AM

I loved the residential place I went to voluntarily for 3 months. I would have stayed longer but it was very expensive. I was determined to get well. everyone else was just like me. normal. you'd never know anything was wrong with us if you saw us out in public. we did go on numerous social outings frequently. I remember we went to the museum one time.

the benefit for me was always being surrounded by people, so I was never alone, so I felt OK there, as I despised being alone.

after 3 months I transitioned to outpatient. basically I just changed where I slept at night but kept the day the same.

slowly as I felt able I slowly decreased the day activities with the program as I started doing my own things. until after a year I stopped going altogether.

it was nice having ties with the place. I can still go back if I ever needed some help from them again. maybe a once a week group, or whatever. they are there for me.

I'm also surprised I meet so many other people who have also lived there at one time or another.

ask about cancellation policy. sometimes someone moves in and decides it's just not a good fit for them and they decide to move out early. you want to know if you can do that and get a pro rated refund.

residential can be great if it's a well run place full of good clients.

best wishes.
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