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amityst Offline
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Post I feel trapped here - November 3rd 2017, 07:59 AM

This may seem cliche but its been weighing on me for a long time. So long that i registered on here just to get this off my chest and tell somebody.
I feel like life is a game and I just dont want to play it.
Sure it can be fun sometimes, but lets be honest life is full of pain. Full of suffering. Everyone I love is going to die one day. Nothing here lasts forever so whats the point of it? Im 19 and I have no clue what im doing or where im going. All I see ahead of me is a life where i have to spend my days at some bullshit job until im old enough to retire. and by then i wont even be able to enjoy my free time because ill be withering away.
not only all of that but this whole world is full of so many lies.. nobody has a clue to what we really should be doing here. everybody just listens to whatever they see or hear on tv, or whatever they were brought up to learn in school. i just feel like im trapped in a world that i dont belong. like im in a prison and everybody else loves it. i dont feel connected to much of anything or anyone here. its so hard for me to go out to social events because i feel no connection with anybody. it feels like everyone is just concerned with bullshit and the only way i get along is by playing along. all i want to do is be alone, i barely leave my house anymore, only for work or to run a quick errand. the thought of having to spend the rest of my life here just slaving away so i dont starve and become homeless terrifies me. everyone else seems to love their servitude and all it does is make me want to isolate from the world. i feel so trapped.
   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: I feel trapped here - November 3rd 2017, 11:59 PM

Hey there (and welcome to TeenHelp!)

I'm sorry to hear that this issue about life is weighing you down, but am glad that you registered and posted your thread and I hope that it gets it off your chest!

Life is full of pain, but also some very beautiful moments too. It can seem pointless when we realise that nothing lasts forever and that loved ones will inevitably die. But in a way, that's what makes life precious in that you only have one life and it can change so quickly, so it's best to make the most of it.

You are 19 and that's still quite young. Many people your age don't really know what they want to do in life either, and those that do may find later on that they have changed their mind and want to do something else, or find that what they originally wanted to do no longer interests them. Just because you don't know what you want to do, it doesn't meant that you have to get a dead end job for the rest of your life. People are living longer and having more career changes later in life. You might not know what you want to do right now, but it doesn't mean that it will always be this way either.

While no-one can tell you what the purpose of life is, I think that we can decide what the purpose is for ourselves. The world can be a difficult place to navigate when it seems that there are more lies than truths and more people believing what they see or hear in the media rather than thinking critically and going with their own ideas. But then there are other people out there who may feel similar to you too. Perhaps you just haven't met them yet?

It must be very isolating to feel like you can't connect with anyone or that you have to 'fake it' to get along. Are there interests or hobbies that you enjoy taking part in? It may help to find clubs or organisations in order to find similar minded people that you can get along with, without needing to fake it.

I've noticed that your post has a lot of 'everybody' and 'nobody'. The problem with thinking like this is that life is never that black and white, and people can't be split into two groups. Even those that may repeat other people's believes and ideas may surprise you! Another thing I noticed is that you realise that people seem to love their work. The keyword being 'seems' in that people may appear happy to get through the day, but may be feeling the opposite. Therefore, you probably aren't alone in feeling this way.

I'm wondering if you have ever talked with a professional (like a counsellor) about the disconnection you are experiencing? While they can't give you the answers you are looking for, talking with a professional can give you more insight into your own feelings and can allow you to find ways of living your life to it's potential, rather than feeling disconnected all the time.

I'm not sure if this is a reply you were hoping for, but I hope others can help you too


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Gabrielgap Offline
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Re: I feel trapped here - November 4th 2017, 02:14 PM

It has been some time I've been feeling just like you. That is the main reason why I have registered here.

I am 17 and I live in Brazil. People of my age struggle a lot with the college exams, similar to SAT, which are REALLY hard in here, so almost everyone gets mad because of it. I was not so mad, I've been approved in a couple of them, and there are still some more I have got to do, but now, that it has almost ended, and that I am, in a certain way, "regaining'' my life, the issues I had forgotten about are simply showing up, coming out of the places where I left them.

I had a crisis in 2015 with my family because of my sexuality and it affected me deeply along the following year. Anxiety made me crazy. I could only notice I was suffering from this in the of the year and I have managed to cure myself. Or so I hoped.

Until the last few days, I was feeling ok about my life, but suddenly, after stopping to study and quiting bad habits, such as spending too much time in the internet and porn, I just realized I felt so so lonely....It is different from depression, I acknowledge it. But it hits so hard.

I relate so much to what you amityst have said 'cause I apply the same critiscism towards the world surrouding me: I can not not see evil or mere stupidity in what my parents do, in what my classmates do. Not that they do bad stuff, but I fail so hard in seeing purpose in what they do. So I feel pretty much disconnected to this world. Even so, my parents, seem to put no effort in understanding WHAT I FEEL, they just say "oh, cheer up", "pray and you will get better", as if it was so simple. During my adolescence I have tried multiple times to have that kind of talk with them, but it almost never works out. I have went to a psycologist for around 6 months, and maybe I need to return to therapy.

On the other hand, I have no idea of what my goals in life are or how I see myself within 5 years.

Because of all of that, I have realized I have got to create or reenforce my ''connections'' to people: friends and parents. I truly believe it will work for me, as well as for you. I just don't know how I am going to do it. I don't feel like my parents are here to be my friends, but to control me, even though they are seldom hostile to me.

While I can't work it out, the only things that have the power to keep me up are music and..... well, only music for now...

Hope I can read this again within a few weeks and feel relieved.
Sorry if I did not myself very clear. Thanks for the opportunity.
   
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