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............... August 30th 2009 10:35 PM

People scare me
Okay Here it goes

the thing is For the past 3 and a half years i have been self harming so i think this could have something to do with it but im not totally sure. but anyway back to the topic . In secondary school i have always been bullied or picked on in some form for different things like my weight. but when im around people i dont know or just in large groups of people who arent my close friends i start to feel really worried and panicky. and this might sound starnge but for some reason i feel like if im out in public that people are looking at me and makeing fun of me and its starting to make me feel a little paranoid. Also one thing that gets me really anxious is eating in public. Because im heavy i feel like everyone is just staring at me and thinking im disgusting . Also I get worried and stressed really easily if you havent guessed already and i start fidgiting and sweating and that worrys me even more thinking people are gonna be staring at me sweating . my mom is really concerned about one thing and so am i which is that when this happens i start to have this kind of panic attack where i get dizzy and my heart starts beating quite a bit faster . i doesnt make me fall over or anything like that but it just stresses me out so i have to go home or go to the car to calm down . im really worried about what this is because on thursday im starting sixth form and even though its at my old school its a whole new dynamic and to be honest i dont have many good friends or people who like me or know that much about me . also i worry about really tiny things . ive spent so many nights lying in bed trying tosleepbut not being able to because my mind just cant settle . i start thinking about something then i start to in a way analysing it thinking of what the outcomes could be . Im Sorry if ive ranted but i just want to know what wrong with me and i was wondering if any one could help me find out whats going on ?

love From Emily <3

Prozac September 1st 2009 11:47 PM

Re: People scare me
Hi there Emily,

Well done for posting here, it's good that you have posted and sometimes having a rant is a good thing, so don't feel as though you have to be sorry - it's good that you have posted.

I'm sorry to hear that you have been self harming and it is more than likely that it could be related to the other things that you are struggling with right now. Self harming is a method of coping and it may be something you are using to try and gain some more control of things too, perhaps. I think that you do need to try and address your self harming as well as the other things that you're dealing with right now as it is not a safe or healthy thing to do. I would recommend that you use distractions and try alternatives. There is a large list of alternatives that you could try out [here] in the Self Harm Forum.

I feel as though I can relate to your post, Emily, and I'm sure that others may be able to, too. I'm sorry to hear about the bullying you have faced in the past, that must have been very difficult to deal with and you did not deserve to be targeted because of your weight, the people who did that to you were wrong to do so. I think that it is quite understandable that you sometimes become worried or anxious when you are around people who you do not know - this is not unusual and maybe you are worried because of what has happened in the past, the same goes for the issues you have whilst eating in public. I'm sorry about what has happened to you in the past, Emily, and I understand that it is difficult, but you shouldn't let the past hold you back in the present or future - don't let what has happened in the past dominate your living now. I realise that it is difficult, but try and reassure yourself. Not everyone is going to critisize you or pick on you, Emily. As for becoming anxious, have you tried out any breathing or relaxation techniques? They could really help you during your anxiety attacks. These techniques may also help you before you go to sleep at night too. Writing your worries in a journal may also help, before you go to sleep.

Do you have anyone you could talk to about these things you're worried about? Talking to your mum about these things would be a good idea, seeing as she's already aware of the panic attacks you are having. Talking to someone such as a counsellor or a doctor could also help as there are also the options of medication and therapy if you believe they would help you.

Take care.

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