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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Rosemma Offline
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Red face Counselling - January 14th 2010, 06:00 PM

I wasnt really sure where to put this... so if theres somewhere better please move it

Well I finally have an appointment with a counsellor (Ive been on a waiting list for quite a while).
My appointments tomorrow and I just wanted a little advice from other people who have had counselling.

Basically I dont know how to go about it, it sounds silly but where do I start or what do I say.
Like should I say whats bothering me at the moment?
Or the big issues I have from things that happened a couple of years ago?
Or do I explain what led up to those big things that happened?

Another thing is that I have a problem being honest with how I feel.
I smile and act like everything is ok especially when I get a bit nervous, its like a defence.
I really want to open up because there really are some issues I need help with.

Im sorry to sound so silly but I really want help and I really need help and thats exactly why Im going.
But when Ive tried to talk to people about things before I never get down to things, I make excuses and say silly little things and start smiling like everythings fine when really I want to cry.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Counselling - January 14th 2010, 07:31 PM

Whatever you mention they will likely take notes on so they can keep up with everything. I would say it's better to start with things from the past and work forward, that way they can better understand how things from the past are affecting you now. That's how I started my counselling, I started with the big things that worked in the past and my counsellor would ask questions like "Do you think you feel like this because you saw X happen to your sister before?". If they can make connections like that between the past and now, they can better understand your current situation. I was surprised at how much my counsellor seemed to 'guess' things and she was right most of the time, it really does help to start with the past.
They will likely ask you questions about anything that led up those events, to help them understand, when they do ask questions you can get a better understanding as well.
It's OK to cry in front of a counsellor, I tried to stay strong in my sessions but one day I just broke down and cried, got a little angry and went on a rant, which was quite something as I'm very shy. They aren't there to judge you for crying or being weak etc, they are used to seeing people be extremely upset and not at their best. Having someone else see how much you are really hurting inside can help a little, my counsellor was a little overcome when I finally had that little outburst, I could see tears in her eyes. That's another thing, try and make eye contact, being shy and looking at the floor is somewhat expected to start with but try to look them in the eye.
Once you start talking, try to keep it flowing with answers to their questions and telling them more about an event, particularly how you felt at the time. If you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about a question, say so, and try your best to answer truthfully.
They have dealt with many people with all-sorts of addictions, mental health problems, etc, I doubt anything you say would shock them, they are used to it.

It's not at all silly to feel like this either, I felt the same, I was shy and awkward at first, but the 3rd time I went, we wouldn't stop talking for the full hour, when before there were long pauses in the conversation. It's perfectly natural.

Good luck with your counselling, come back and let us know how it goes?
Take care!

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and wiser, that in itself, is worth the fight.

The best way to predict the future is to create it - Peter F. Drucker

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Nelson Mandela

  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Rosemma Offline
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Re: Counselling - January 15th 2010, 12:00 PM

Thank you so much for your reply
I havent gone yet... Ill be going in a few hours.

It was good to read someone elses story, I get shy and nervous to but Ill try to remember what you said.
I think I have to just get it out and not stop myself.

Feeling a little apprehensive right now but Ill let you know how it goes

(And congrats on the 200+ posts)
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Re: Counselling - January 15th 2010, 03:11 PM

when i went counselling my counsellor just asked me a few questions about stuff i didnt say much i just sat there and spoke abit but not much.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Rosemma Offline
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Re: Counselling - January 15th 2010, 08:15 PM

Ok well I went...
They asked me to fill out a form before, so she knew a few things about me... just general stuff.
Im so glad you said its ok to cry in front of the counsellor...
She asked me one question and I began to answer and burst into tears before I even finished my first sentence
It was embarrassing but I couldnt help it and I just reassured myself that people are allowed to cry.
I did keep going and tried to tell her everything she asked and tell her things I needed to talk about.
She was really intuitive and guessed a lot of things that I was embarrassed to just admit and tell her myself.
She asked questions about the past to get an idea of my history to.
It was nice just to talk to someone who was actually interested in what I had to say.
She actually told me how I must be feeling, which felt good because it was like someone understood.
The only problem was is I started crying after nearly every sentence
Im actually quite proud of myself though somehow, I really didnt think I could do it. Im normally so shy and defensive but I suppose Ive been waiting to break down and tell someone everything for a long time.

Thank you so much again for the advice, it really did help me to think about what you said to reassure myself
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