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KoKoEm Offline
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Name: Emily
Gender: Female
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Posts: 344
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Join Date: February 16th 2009

Tired Of It - February 14th 2010, 11:48 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I've been having panic attacks every night before going to bed. Usually, it's the fact that I haven't done something I need to. However there are some nights that I will panic for no reason what-so-ever. And that was last night for me.
My best friend and I went to see Cirque du Solei: Alegria (spelling is so screwed up) and that was amazing. The night was perfect, we went to that and ended up running through downtown when it's about 20 degrees (Farenheit) out. Everything was perfect. However, I was writing my sentences like I'm supposed to (I OD'd & that's one of my consequences) & my best friend fell asleep. After a little bit, I started panicking and never figured out why I was. He had told me that if this happened for me to wake him up immediately so that he could help me. I began feeling like I wanted to cut and then found push pins (for cork boards) and was close to just sticking them in my arms, so I punched myself a lot to try and prevent it. I also started crying a lot during the panicking. I hate waking people up & couldn't even get myself to try for a half hour. I finally tried waking him up & it was a half hour before he actually woke up, so by then I had been panicking for an hour.
He moved from the bed to a bean bag chair on the floor and grabbed on of the other bean bag chairs next to it while I changed and got two blankets. He had me lay down next to him and held my hand for me to fall asleep. He fell asleep again and I let go and took my hand away from him. I felt like I couldn't hold his hand with how badly I wanted to cut, so I ended up crying again and moved away from him. Eventually, I just collapsed & went to sleep.
I can't keep going through this because the panicking is getting really bad and makes me want to cut unbearably. I know if I cut that my best friend is going to tell my dad and I can't have that happen... I don't know what to do about it anymore...


This is how it ends
We believe every lie & say we'll still be friends
How long will it last
Before we scratch all the scripts & rework the casts
*Hourglass by the Hush Sound*


PM me =]

Current Craft Obsession: http://friendship-bracelets.net
Craft obsessions vary often.
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