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Question Living with someone who has BPD - April 19th 2010, 05:41 PM

Hi guyyyys,

Right, i really could do with your invaluable advice at the moment. My best friend is pretty sure she has Borderline Personality Disorder and it's really tough on the both of us at them moment.

She's been in and out of therapy for a few years (she's 16) and has not been diagnosed with anything which i know is normal if you're under 18. I've told her to see the doctor and she's going Monday.

I just need to know what's best to support her and help her. I'm not coping with it too well.

Thank yooou! x


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Re: Living with someone who has BPD - April 19th 2010, 10:27 PM

I'll be curious to see if anyone here has experience with it. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 12. And I'm being sent to my psychiatrist to discuss the possiblity of BPD.

I can't say much about being on your end of things, but I can say that she probably needs support, and that she probably needs you to be there for her. At this point in time, all I can say is that I am terrified of being abandoned by the people who care about me and love me most if they realise that this isn't something I can overcome overnight. I feel alone and scared, ashamed and embarrassed, I'm worried about the outcome and where to go from there, etc. I'm worried people will treat me differently, because though I might have a diagnosis, I don't want to become my diagnosis. She might be feeling some of the things; she might be scared too. So where you seek support from close family, or even a therapist, also do your best to provide her with the support she probably needs, right now, more than ever.
   
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Re: Living with someone who has BPD - April 19th 2010, 11:10 PM

Wait for the diagnosis first because right now it sounds both of you are reacting on self-diagnosis. I'm a bit confused on some stuff though. First, why has she not seen a doctor before despite seeing a therapist for years? Although the doctor may not diagnose her with BPD due to her age or other reasons, he/she could still provide her with medications to manage her symptoms whilst still being in therapy. Second, I'm confused as to how she is your friend, you're both under 18 and you live together. I assume there's at least one adult around so I'm not getting how you live with her despite being a friend (or she lives with you). Third, what are you not coping well with?
   
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Re: Living with someone who has BPD - April 20th 2010, 05:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by !!!YOU'RE$NUCKING$FUTZ!!! View Post
Second, I'm confused as to how she is your friend, you're both under 18 and you live together. I assume there's at least one adult around so I'm not getting how you live with her despite being a friend (or she lives with you).
I don't think the OP means literally living under the same roof. Pretty sure OP is referring to being in the same area and hanging out with, and living life along side their friend.

Nonetheless, OP, I'd suggest to not treat your friend a certain way based on a non-diagnosis that may not even be accurate. I think the best way to support her is by, well, talking to her when something is wrong, listening to her when she needs an ear, basic friendship things. Though, with anyone who is going through therapy, you may be needed more frequently than those who are "normal", for lack of a better term.

For example, I may have BPD and BP2 as I've explained before. And well, my online friend/pretty much boyfriend is always there for me. He knows how I react to things, what kinds of things upset me, he knows I can snap without notice, and other things like that. He has an idea of how I am, and he tries to work around that to help me.

So yeah, I hope at least some of this helps.
   
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Re: Living with someone who has BPD - April 20th 2010, 04:32 PM

Quote:
Individuals with BPD can be very sensitive to the way others treat them, reacting strongly to perceived criticism or hurtfulness. Their feelings about others often shift from positive to negative, generally after a disappointment or perceived threat of losing someone. (Wikipedia)
What I would suggest, based on the above information that I've found is to try not to say anything to your friend that could be considered hurtful (so maybe, take extra care to think about how something might sounds before you say it). Also, if she seems to suddenly get mad at you for no reason, it's probably because of the borderline personality disorder, so don't worry too much about it. Another thing to do is maybe to reassure her that you're her friend and she can talk to you whenever she needs/wants to when she's upset.
Apart from that, try not to treat her any differently from everyone else as that might make her feel as though she's being "singled out".
Hope this helps
   
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Re: Living with someone who has BPD - April 21st 2010, 04:43 PM

Playing Pretend - Thank you for allowing me to see things a little more clearly from her perspective. It really haelped. Thanks


Quote:
Originally Posted by !!!YOU'RE$NUCKING$FUTZ!!! View Post
First, why has she not seen a doctor before despite seeing a therapist for years? Although the doctor may not diagnose her with BPD due to her age or other reasons, he/she could still provide her with medications to manage her symptoms whilst still being in therapy. Second, I'm confused as to how she is your friend, you're both under 18 and you live together. I assume there's at least one adult around so I'm not getting how you live with her despite being a friend (or she lives with you). Third, what are you not coping well with?
Firstly, I'm no tsure what you mean about the doctor thing. She went to the doctor a few years ago and got transferred to a therapist.

Secondly, yes, I meant as in being a friend, not actually living with eachother.

Thirdly, it's difficult to see your best friend become overwhelmed with feeling that neither her nor I can control. She can be very cruel and hard to try and calm down when she gets into a certain mind-set. The whole situation is very stressful on me, aswell as her as I'm worrying about her 24/7. I think about giving her some space but i also want to support her all the way through this. It's just like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment.

Arc Angel - I'll try to be the best friend I can! I guess it's the only option that I've really got. Thank you

Ella.x - I know that some things that i say set her off and make her upset and angry. it's just difficult to try and think about what i say before i say it. I've gone for years telling this girl absolutly everything and going from that to telling her nothing anymore and only concentrating on her getting better is difficult. I hope she gets through this and we come out stronger the other side. Thanks

xx


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