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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Borderline Personality Disorder - June 26th 2010, 09:59 PM

Ever since I can remember, I have felt like there was something wrong with me. I have read everything I could on every personality disorder/mental illness I suspected I could have over the years. My traits have corresponded with many different disorders, but the one that matches almost perfectly is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I have every single symptom of BPD, excluding a couple minor ones. I have never been professionally tested, but I've taken many legitimate tests online and have self diagnosed myself.

Sometimes I feel like I can't live through another day, and other times I feel perfectly fine. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I just keep going like this, I could destroy my life as I get older. I don't want to tell my family because they're going through so much right now, and I'm already enough of a burden as it is. Also, there's a good chance that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and I'm just a spoiled, self-indulgent brat. What should I do?
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - June 26th 2010, 11:39 PM

Hey hun.

Borderline Personality Disorder is actually a really scary diagnoses to give yourself. I'd know because, I have it, and when I was told I was terrified. How are you holding up with this idea that you might have it?

BPD is something that you would have had since birth, so it make sense that you think theres been something wrong with you since you were little. A lot of the symptoms are basically perfected as we get older. For instance, with me, a huge part of BPD is the black and white idea. The idea that it is, or it isn't. When I was younger, my friends either did what I wanted to do, or they didn't like me. Needless to say, I had a hard time making friends when I was younger. As I got older, I kept that with me into more serious relationships. Either he loves me, or he hates me. There is no like, no middle ground. Its actually kind of dangerous sometimes.

Now, BPD can only be confirmed if diagnosed by a psychiatrist, and only after your 18th birthday. The reason they do that is because, up until 18, were still developing our personalities. Really, even after 18, but the Drs say that at 18, people are allowed to be diagnosed with personality disorders. So, I don't know how old you are but, if your not 18 yet, I recommend starting to see a therapist now. This way, he or she can start to record your symptoms, thus making it easier for a psych to diagnose you once you are 18. And, through seeing this therapist, they may decide you don't have BPD.

As for the mood swings. I know, they are crazy hard to deal with. Personally, I get really mad at myself when I have a mood swing because it tends to effect the people around me. One day I am all, "I DONT WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE!" but then the next day I'm all rainbows and butterflies. If you have people in your life who consequencly go through the mood swings with you, maybe you should tell them about this idea of BPD so that they understand where your emotions are coming from. I find it really helpful to journal. And, not a lot, just little things like, at 6:09 I was ready to SH, then at 8:50 I was dancing around my room singing to my favorite song. Just little things because maybe you'll tend to notice a trend. With me, if I am alone then my mood will plummet. If I have nothing to do, my mood with drop. If I'm with people or busy or feeling creative, my mood will jump. Now, as you know, there pretty much isn't an inbetween mood. But, if you ever feel it, be sure to write it down! Write down why you just felt "okay," what was going on, and any other relevent information. This also helps you identify a trend. Its also great because if your in one of those down-ward spirals, you can look back and realize that by doing such-and-such your mood will raise up, even just a little. And then once your at that "okay" stage, its 10X easier to get yourself to the butterflies and sunshine stage.

My therapist gave me this worksheet. And it might help you.

Write this on a sheet of paper.

My name is __________________________

I am a ___________________________, _______________________, ______________________ and ____________________ woman.

then your signature at the bottom.

Blank one: Put in a physical want. Such as: strong, gracefully, sexy, healthy, elegant, athletic, feminie, relaxed or powerful. (Just to name a few)

Blank two: Put in an emotional want. Such as: affectionate, loveing, open, expressive, sincere, spontaneous, tender, joyful, trusting, playful. (Again, feel free to come up with your own, these are just a few off the sheet.)

Blank three: Mental wants. Such as: Accepting, calm, charismatic, honest, realistic, positive, successful, confident, important, independent, decisive, patient, assertive.

Blank Four, the final blank. Spiritual wants. Intuitive, worthy, aware, genuine, limitless, natural, peacefull, unique, free, centered, inspired.

So. For myself I have:

My name is Lacey and I am a relaxed, giving, creative and genuine woman.

Now, my therapist told me to put my sentence in the middle of a poster board, but don't fill in the blanks. Then, take construction paper and write ALL the adjetives on them. Each day, I get to pick who I want to be for that day. Maybe I want to be an active, spontaneous, courageous, and secure woman one day, and someone completely different the other. Its my choice who I want to be. Then, you try and make those characteristics come true. Eventually, you'll find ones that will work for you, and ones that won't. This is called an affirmation. By saying, " I am" instead of "I want to be," it brings up different emotions. Wanting, and being are two different things. Maybe you really aren't an intuitive or powerful or loveing person. But by saying I AM, it creates a sort of, "I can be this" attitude.

Give it a try. I know its hard. Its a long, scary road that your on right now but, trust me theres an end. I'm not there yet, and it may be years before I am. But I can't wait to meet the new me at the end of the tunnel.

Take care sweetie! If you need to talk more about it or just need some support, PM me by clicking on the "try me" icon in my signature.


Life is to short to put it off anymore
You gotta live it before itís too late
I canít turn that clock back around
On what youíre dreaming about
You better do it now, donít wait

Do something crazy and dumb, while your still young. <3

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - June 26th 2010, 11:55 PM

I feel exactly the same way, and I've done the exact same things as you! I know how you feel, trust me. I've been seeing a therapist for nearly 3 years now. But they've never mentioned a diagnosis of anything, except for depression which was a few days ago and it was the first time I've seen a psychiatrist! I don't know if they're just not saying anything because I'm under 18 or because I'm deluding myself into thinking I've got something just because I've matched myself to it online. My advice to you, is to tell yourself that you haven't got it. Because - like the above has said - personalities are still developing when we're under the age of 18. Don't convince yourself that you've got it, a very difficult thing that I've been experiencing is not being diagnosed with anything despite feeling and matching all of the symptoms. It makes me feel like I'm so empty and that I'm not a person, just a body. Anyway, best of luck x
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - June 27th 2010, 01:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous24 View Post
I have never been professionally tested, but I've taken many legitimate tests online and have self diagnosed myself.
Well, first of all, there is no such thing as a "Legitimate Online Test". Online tests go through the cliche checklist, without considering the fact that alot of diagnostic criteria overlaps, so don't let that determine what you may or may not have.

Second, any professional (and most non-professionals) could tell you not to self-diagnose. Not only does it cause more complications (i.e. your mind playing tricks on you, making you worse, or making you believe you have things you don't), but it also makes it harder for a professional to legitimately diagnose you.

In fact, teenagers frequently have moodswings, thus making a diagnosis of Personality Disorders even more complicated, and less likely, since your personality is changing alot throughout your teens.

I'd suggest going to a Mental Health professional, after talking to your normal Doctor about the problems you've been having.


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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - June 27th 2010, 02:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Shooting*Stars* View Post
Hey hun.

Borderline Personality Disorder is actually a really scary diagnoses to give yourself. I'd know because, I have it, and when I was told I was terrified. How are you holding up with this idea that you might have it?

BPD is something that you would have had since birth, so it make sense that you think theres been something wrong with you since you were little. A lot of the symptoms are basically perfected as we get older. For instance, with me, a huge part of BPD is the black and white idea. The idea that it is, or it isn't. When I was younger, my friends either did what I wanted to do, or they didn't like me. Needless to say, I had a hard time making friends when I was younger. As I got older, I kept that with me into more serious relationships. Either he loves me, or he hates me. There is no like, no middle ground. Its actually kind of dangerous sometimes.

Now, BPD can only be confirmed if diagnosed by a psychiatrist, and only after your 18th birthday. The reason they do that is because, up until 18, were still developing our personalities. Really, even after 18, but the Drs say that at 18, people are allowed to be diagnosed with personality disorders. So, I don't know how old you are but, if your not 18 yet, I recommend starting to see a therapist now. This way, he or she can start to record your symptoms, thus making it easier for a psych to diagnose you once you are 18. And, through seeing this therapist, they may decide you don't have BPD.

As for the mood swings. I know, they are crazy hard to deal with. Personally, I get really mad at myself when I have a mood swing because it tends to effect the people around me. One day I am all, "I DONT WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE!" but then the next day I'm all rainbows and butterflies. If you have people in your life who consequencly go through the mood swings with you, maybe you should tell them about this idea of BPD so that they understand where your emotions are coming from. I find it really helpful to journal. And, not a lot, just little things like, at 6:09 I was ready to SH, then at 8:50 I was dancing around my room singing to my favorite song. Just little things because maybe you'll tend to notice a trend. With me, if I am alone then my mood will plummet. If I have nothing to do, my mood with drop. If I'm with people or busy or feeling creative, my mood will jump. Now, as you know, there pretty much isn't an inbetween mood. But, if you ever feel it, be sure to write it down! Write down why you just felt "okay," what was going on, and any other relevent information. This also helps you identify a trend. Its also great because if your in one of those down-ward spirals, you can look back and realize that by doing such-and-such your mood will raise up, even just a little. And then once your at that "okay" stage, its 10X easier to get yourself to the butterflies and sunshine stage.

My therapist gave me this worksheet. And it might help you.

Write this on a sheet of paper.

My name is __________________________

I am a ___________________________, _______________________, ______________________ and ____________________ woman.

then your signature at the bottom.

Blank one: Put in a physical want. Such as: strong, gracefully, sexy, healthy, elegant, athletic, feminie, relaxed or powerful. (Just to name a few)

Blank two: Put in an emotional want. Such as: affectionate, loveing, open, expressive, sincere, spontaneous, tender, joyful, trusting, playful. (Again, feel free to come up with your own, these are just a few off the sheet.)

Blank three: Mental wants. Such as: Accepting, calm, charismatic, honest, realistic, positive, successful, confident, important, independent, decisive, patient, assertive.

Blank Four, the final blank. Spiritual wants. Intuitive, worthy, aware, genuine, limitless, natural, peacefull, unique, free, centered, inspired.

So. For myself I have:

My name is Lacey and I am a relaxed, giving, creative and genuine woman.

Now, my therapist told me to put my sentence in the middle of a poster board, but don't fill in the blanks. Then, take construction paper and write ALL the adjetives on them. Each day, I get to pick who I want to be for that day. Maybe I want to be an active, spontaneous, courageous, and secure woman one day, and someone completely different the other. Its my choice who I want to be. Then, you try and make those characteristics come true. Eventually, you'll find ones that will work for you, and ones that won't. This is called an affirmation. By saying, " I am" instead of "I want to be," it brings up different emotions. Wanting, and being are two different things. Maybe you really aren't an intuitive or powerful or loveing person. But by saying I AM, it creates a sort of, "I can be this" attitude.

Give it a try. I know its hard. Its a long, scary road that your on right now but, trust me theres an end. I'm not there yet, and it may be years before I am. But I can't wait to meet the new me at the end of the tunnel.

[size=3][color=yellowgreen]Take care sweetie! If you need to talk more about it or just need some support, PM me by clicking on the "try me" icon in my signature.
Wow, that is probably the best and most in depth advice I've ever gotten (on and off this site!). I don't know how to express my admiration and appreciation enough. Thanks! It's nice to hear that someone is going through the same things that I am. I can really relate! I'll try out your worksheet and see how it helps. Again, thank you so much for this, and good luck with your struggles too!
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - June 27th 2010, 02:43 AM

Thanks for all the advice everyone! I'll definitely think about what you all said. I'm grateful for your input!
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - June 27th 2010, 07:55 AM

There is no such thing as a legit online test. Some may be better than others but none of them suffice for the appropriate diagnostic tests a doctor can give you. So only take the results of the online ones with a grain of salt.

I read and see this time and time again on here, just because you have all the symptoms does not mean you have the disorder. Since BPD is a personality disorder, you first need to get assessed as to whether you even have any personality disorder as defined in the DSM-IV-TR, then the actual personality disorder. There are other things to consider as well, such as prevelance, differential diagnosis and your personal history. I don't know what your age is but I'm assuming you're a teenager and one of the challenges is hormones that exaggerate behaviours. Although none of them except anti-social and dissocial personality disorders require a minimum age, the other ones are seldom given to younger people by doctors because it's worse to incorrectly label someone and give them the treatments along with the stigma they'll receive when they won't meet the diagnostic criteria in a few years due to exaggerated hormonal behaviours.

Lastly, try not to self-diagnose because by labelling yourself, you know what the expected behaviours are for someone with BPD based on the list of symptoms, so you may mold yourself to them. You also may end up using BPD as an excuse for your behaviours when you may not actually have BPD.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder - June 27th 2010, 07:52 PM

Hey.

Not a problem. I do hope things work out for you, and like I said, just let meknow if you ever need to talk.

And, I do agree with what others have said. While the information may seem to fit you perfectly, don't give yourself that diagnoses. Like I said above, it would really be a good idea to get in to see a therapist or psychiatrist. But, in the end the choice is yours. I just know whats been helpful for me so, its all I can recommend. Take care!


Life is to short to put it off anymore
You gotta live it before itís too late
I canít turn that clock back around
On what youíre dreaming about
You better do it now, donít wait

Do something crazy and dumb, while your still young. <3

Need to talk? I'm here. --->
  Send a message via MSN to *~Circus Clown~*  
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