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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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Hero_Of_Blade Offline
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Control slipping. - August 17th 2010, 02:57 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I threw on the triggering label because there's something about grieving about stuff in this, and I just want to be careful

Well first and foremost I guess it's prudent to say that I have a good amount of control over my mental issues. I went through a lot of psychologists to basically get to the point that I had before I saw them, I'm good at keeping things under control.

Of course in saying that I lose control, just like everyone else. Times where I get maniacal, or destructive or simply lose control. So now it would be a good idea to say what some of the issues are.
I have problems with paranoid delusions, against other people and delusions of grandeur which push me to do things because I believe I can handle it.
I have a split personality, in which there's myself and what I believe and the 'other' me which is the polar opposite in belief. That's not like 'good' and 'evil' it's more like being antagonised from inside your head. I have spoken with people who have the good and bad sides, I just wanted to make sure it was understood that I don't particularly behave in a 'good' manor and my other side doesn't behave in an 'evil' manor.
The other stuff is mostly hallucinations, insomnia and chronic nightmares (the last two are linked but the insomnia is also a stand alone) and some stuff that I've caused by accident by building barriers in my mind against other people and aren't as important.

Recently I had a girlfriend who was my world, but things where really rocky, clashing mentalities and family on both sides interfering where they shouldn't, but I'm not asking for a way to fix the relationship, to cut a long story short (this is getting pretty wall of textish rather quickly) my then girlfriend got pregnant unplanned, but I decided that it would be a good idea to get into the fact that I was going to have a son or daughter, as has always been something I've wanted but for later on in life. We had been planning on how things would work, when suddenly out of the blue at her second ultrasound the doctors pretty much tell her that the baby is dead, plain and simple. And she tells me, and it's been maybe 2/3 weeks since I've been told and I think a week since the baby has been removed and I'm pretty much a mess. My doctor had given me a weeks supply of anti depressants that did help, but are pretty much gone now, and my brain just can't handle what's going on.
I sleep even less, can only sleep during the day because at night time I hear babies crying (there's no new kids in my house or neighbours) when I do sleep I wake up on the hour every hour because of the nightmares. The control I had beforehand is slipping away, slowly some days and quickly others. I have no idea what to do because what I usually do to keep in control just doesn't work anymore.

Simply put, I'm lost in my own head and I want to do something to stop myself, but I don't know what. It's like I can't think of what actions to take because of the the fog in my head.



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Re: Control slipping. - August 18th 2010, 09:14 PM

Wow. All i can say is sorry for your lost. I am really baby hungry at the moment as well, but can't afford to have one. I can't imagine what you are going though with being so close only to be pushed back.

Basically what i am saying is that you have a right to grieve. This is a great lost to you and it deserves the chance to get cried out. Have you talked to your girlfriend about this? How you feel, what you are going though? I understand how sometimes you think you just need some space and time to fester it over but talking it out, especially with someone who cares about you (although i am not sure the exact nature of your relationship, you mentioned it was rocky), can do wonders for your psyche.

As for everything else, slow down and take a breather. You may need some sleep aids to make you go to sleep. There are some OTCs that will knock you out and not allow you to dream. Just be sure to follow the instructions! And have you looked into lucid dreaming? It is a technique that can allow you to catch yourself dreaming (or nightmaring) and be able to control it. Look up online or check out a book for more details.

For the "inner critic" can you hold a conversation with him/her? Try to talk and see what they want and if you can bargain. They might be as bad as you think. If they ARE as bad, keep talking to them and simple tell them that you do not appreciate what they are saying. It might play out like dealing with a bully, however weird that is, but keep it up.

Take some time to slow down, get back to basics, and talk things out. give it about two weeks. If nothing happens, I would consider going to councilor or a trusted person in your life.

hope all goes well. William


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Re: Control slipping. - August 18th 2010, 11:24 PM

I've spoken with the girlfriend figure yeah.
We're both at a loss of how the hell do we actually deal with this, so bar ignoring it and trying to get on with things (with some major speed bumps ) there's not much I think we can do without antagonising each other.

The other stuff is stuff I'm used to dealing with, but in the past couple of months that's been prodded at, and a bit like a lion... they don't like it.
Once I get through the meat of the issues, everything will fall back into place I'm sure

Thanks though



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