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Out of control? - July 26th 2011, 08:00 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm still taking all my meds like a good girl, even the sleeping tablets now, but I feel extremely unhinged. Like, dangerously so.
I can't really explain it very well, except one minute all I can do is curl up and cry and scream until it stops, the next I want to hurt myself so badly I find myself clawing at my skin and pulling at my hair. The urges to SH are insane, and I don't even just want to cut, I literally want to tear myself to pieces.

I feel....violent?

I'm worried I'm going to snap and seriously injure myself or someone else. I still have blades and stuff, and when the urges are kicking in it's like I actually want to tear into my stomach and arms as far as I can get.

Is it normal to feel so out of control?

My CPN is visiting me tomorrow, should I tell her?
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Re: Out of control? - July 26th 2011, 09:53 PM

Why wouldn't you tell her? I think that's a better question. There is no logical reasonable reason why you should keep anything that's troubling you away from any professional. This is quite obviously troubling you so you should quite obviously tell them.

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Re: Out of control? - July 28th 2011, 11:35 AM

No, it is definitely not normal to feel so out of control. Do you feel this bad when you are not on medication? Make sure that the medication you are on isn't doing this to you, and tell your doctor as well about the problems. The medication could be causing you to have an adverse reaction if it is not right for you.

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Re: Out of control? - July 28th 2011, 05:04 PM

I've talked to my CPN, and I will be seeing my GP tomorrow for a review. I was worried about telling anyone because there's been quite a bit of talk regarding hospitalisation, which I really want to avoid. You'd understand if you'd seen our Mental health ward.....ick.
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Re: Out of control? - July 30th 2011, 11:42 PM

I'm proud of you for telling your CPN, despite your concerns about being hospitalized. If you really want to do everything you can to avoid hospitalization, keep talking to your CPN/GP/anyone else involved, and do what you can on your own to avoid hospitalization. For starters, get rid of the blades. If something or someone is causing you unnecessary stress, take a break from the activity or the relationship until you're better equipped to handle it. Talk to your loved ones about what's going on - the more they know, the better they can support you. Good luck with your review! <3

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