Borderline Personality Disorder.

[Ella.x]

Does it ever end? I'm so sick of the mood swings. I don't think I can cope. I'm barely managing to get up for work these days. All I can think about is either running away or killing myself. It's all too much right now. I could really use some hope. Does anyone have any miraculous recovery stories from BPD?

[Thirteen]

Although I don't have a miraculous recovery story, I can tell you that it will get better. Professional studies show that BPD hits the worst in your 20's, and as you get into your 30's/40's, it gets much more manageable.

I have BPD myself, and I'm 23, so I still struggle a fair bit. My boyfriend helps me through it all, though. I'm sure you've got somebody who can help you, perhaps a friend? Family member?

If not, well, feel free to PM me. Sometimes I'm on more frequently than other times, but I try to reply ASAP.

[BlueWolf]

The same goes for me as with Thirteen. I don't have a story either, other than the fact that I am still here and surviving somehow. Maybe that is a miracle. Isn't it for all of us?

You can PM me anytime as well. I am online more often than not.

[Iris. ♥]

Like the other two users who posted, I don't have a miraculous recovery story. I'm 17 and I still struggle from manic depression. But, the fact that you posted about it means that you do recognize the issue. This means you can fight it. I wasn't able to fight the depression aspect of it for years because I wasn't willing to admit that it was there. When I finally did, I started taking steps to get help. You can do the same. Force yourself out of bed on the days when you just want to melt into it. Talk to someone on the days when you feel completely worthless. I don't know if it ever truly goes away, but you can fight against it. You'll get a little bit stronger every day. PM me if you ever want to talk to someone. Praying for you.

[Thirteen]

Originally Posted by LovesBrokenDream

Like the other two users who posted, I don't have a miraculous recovery story. I'm 17 and I still struggle from manic depression. But, the fact that you posted about it means that you do recognize the issue. This means you can fight it. I wasn't able to fight the depression aspect of it for years because I wasn't willing to admit that it was there. When I finally did, I started taking steps to get help. You can do the same. Force yourself out of bed on the days when you just want to melt into it. Talk to someone on the days when you feel completely worthless. I don't know if it ever truly goes away, but you can fight against it. You'll get a little bit stronger every day. PM me if you ever want to talk to someone. Praying for you.

Your words are kind, but the topic is Borderline Personality Disorder.

[PSY]

Originally Posted by Thirteen

Your words are kind, but the topic is Borderline Personality Disorder.

My guess is she either 1) assumed there was a depression component to BPD, or 2) read that many people with BPD also suffer from depression.

To the OP: Like Julz said, BPD tends to decrease in severity as you grow older. I know that may not seem very comforting at the moment, but it shows that your hard work is not in vain. Hang in there, and keep reaching out to your loved ones/psychological professionals/support groups.

[Ella.x]

Thanks guys. I'm really struggling today as it's my first day off work in like 3 weeks, so I don't have much to distract myself with. I actually feel like I'm going crazy right now. My mind is all over the place and the urge to hurt myself is overwhelming. It's midday and I've just started drinking to try and dull my mind. I can't be patient anymore. I don't want to wait another 10-20 years just for my symptoms to ease off. I've decided that if there is no improvement over the next few months, I am going to kill myself on my 21st birthday. I have just over 8 months to plan it right down to the smallest detail. I am going to join the 10% of people with BPD who successfully commit suicide. I am going to be selfish. I am fed up. I don't want to be a pain in the arse anymore.

[sassygurlone]

I don't have a recovery story. I still struggle every second of every day. I'm constantly thinking about self-harm and suicide. The mood swings are difficult. Have you ever tried DBT ? I'm in DBT and though it's not a cure, it does help sometimes.

[Ella.x]

So I cut myself on tuesday and had to have 11 stitches in total. I still feel like crap, still want to cut, still want to die. I don't think I can wait until my birthday. I am weak. I can't fight this anymore. I'm on the waiting list for DBT, but it could be years until I start it. I've spent all afternoon researching suicide methods and I've gotten it down to a couple of different ways. I just need to perfect the plan. I don't want to be a burden anymore.

[PSY]

You ARE strong, Ella, and if you spent your time working toward self-improvement instead of self-destruction, the BPD could become more manageable for you. I'm not saying everything will be rainbows and unicorns - BPD, like many mental illnesses, is something you need to maintain for the rest of your life. There is NO reason why your life can't be long and fulfilling, though. It doesn't have to end at 20 or 21 years old. You don't have to be one of the 10%, because you're one of the 90% who has something or someone to live for. It may not be easy, and you may feel like giving up on some days, but it CAN get better with time.

If you find yourself contemplating suicide, why not call the police and request therapy while being held on suicide watch? It's not much, but it's a start, and every little bit counts. You may also be able to start regular therapy, whether DBT or otherwise, with someone thanks to a referral from that hospital. If they know you are at immediate risk, there is no reason why they would make you wait years, let alone months, for assistance.