Triggering (Suicide): I dont even know

[whywouldmynamematter]

hey guys,dont actually have a clue what im doing on a site like this, someone i used to know just told me to try it. dont have a clue how to use any of it... and im not really in the mood for writing out my life to a load of random people on the internet but here goes, i hate alot of things in my life i know there not as bad as other peoples but i feel my mind gets affected easier.. ive been self harming with cutting arms legs and rips for a few years and this year pills and i smoke drugs and stuff often to feel better. but then early this year i contimplated suiside,ive had enough of it. but i told a friend i thought was a friend and she told my teacher and everyone got involved and it all went wrong. but then i relised when my family found out how much it would of hurt them and i didnt think it would, after my sister said to me that if i went she wouldnt be able to cope and would kill herself too it struck home so i decided against it. but then my "close friends" decided that id lyed about it all to get there sympathy and that i was weird. and then it all got to much so i ran away to my sisters and the family got angrier and so i came home and i had to go back to a school where i know everyones talked about me and everyone who heard about the suiside thinks im mental. i dont know what to do i was having counciling of CAMHS,but they make me angry because nobody will listen to me properly,just because i cant open up at one or 3 sessions so last time i shouted and quit with them. now i have to deal with school and family and my granddad who i love so much is ill and i have no real friends and my step dads now followed in the feet of my dad and left us. i have a pot of pills ready because i know soon i wont be able to take it but i really dont want to hurt anyone and i cant speak to anyone because i know they'l just think its all a lye. it hurts me so much to think that my friends could think id do that to them. anyway thats just a brief,dont really exspect anyone to reply so dont worry ,thanks x

[Thirteen]

Well, honestly, you'll have to go through therapy, or something similar, as part of treatment to this. Have you tried writing, or drawing, to open up? Maybe ask about Art Therapy, or another alternative therapy. You can do more than just talk to a "shrink", you know.

[Childish Giggle]

This place is for getting the load of your shoulders and take some help.
This best friend of yours did one good thing by telling your teacher. NOw you know that there are people like your sister who will be affected by your death.
But why these suicidal thoughts. I am guessing its because of the situation at your home. Can you please elaborate about it?

[Schiz]

Rachel, just leave behind the people who aren't supportive. They aren't worth it.

This is going to be the most difficult time in your life. I don't mean that in a bad way. I say it because it means that if you are able to persevere, it is only going to get better. The road of life will always be bumpy, but I promise you that the road will eventually be smoother.

People often think that others are judging them rather than sympathizing. I can tell you that if I heard about a girl who was "mental" and suicidal, I'd certainly feel more sympathetic than judgmental. And I know that that's how most people feel. The people who care are just too afraid to speak up, because they don't know what to say. If you think I might be lying, just think about your own personal experience. Do you judge people based off the rumors you hear? How about public speaking? You probably feel nervous about doing it, and what the others will think of your presentation, but how do you feel when you're in the audience? You probably don't judge them right, and only hope for the best? That's how most people feel in general, for anything.