i am obsessed with being perfect in all that i do

[pursuit-of-happiness]

my appearance, my reputation, things i say/do, my relationships, etc....i live to too high of a standard and always worry about not meeting up to it!

Why cant i just live without all this anxiety and pressure to be perfect!

I get uncomfortable when i see girls that are prettier than me because I feel I dont match up

I also feel like i always need validation for the way I am and I thrive off of that...so whenever I get attention from guys it makes me feel better about myself. But as soon as the attention is gone or I lose a guy and have no guy that im talking to I get stuck in a rut...

I need to learn to be happy on my own without guys but I cant be! help pleaseee

[youbetheanchor]

Well, I'm a guy and a do this too. I get great grades, have a great girlfriend, and a lot of luck but it's just never enough.

Just like you, I'm constantly comparing my looks to other guys and always think I'm so bad etc.

I think the worst part of this is that I'm aware that I do it. Even though I like who I am, I consciously let everything bother me :/ I realise I didn't help but you are not alone! If you ever need someone even just talk about randomness with, leave me a message!

[Fairy Poppins]

Hi there.

I've found that the easiest way of not over-worrying/being anxious, is to stop caring (or at least care less) about what people think of you.

It's easier said than done, but I if I find myself worrying about how others see me I think, "Who are they to judge me?" When I think about it this way and realise how little their opinion matters to me because I am comfortable with myself, I stop feeling anxious.

Obviously, there are some people who I try to impress and therefore try to do things perfectly for them (not just looks-wise, but in terms of performance, e.g. college assignments), but the majority of people I meet in daily life aren't worth the hassle.

So I guess my main suggestion for you is to become comfortable/content with yourself and therefore rely less on the validation that other people give you. After all, people who know they are pretty don't need other people to tell them that, so they don't get upset if no one does. The same for other traits, e.g. intelligence, kindness, etc.

There will always be girls out there who are prettier than you, that's just the way it is. But similarly, there will be girls who aren't as pretty as you and, if you're going to compare yourself to anyone (I'm not saying you should), compare yourself to them. More importantly, realise that you yourself are pretty (even if maybe you aren't the prettiest girl in the world) and be happy about this. Stop waiting for other people to notice, or for guys to validate you, because I honestly believe that the opinion which matters and affects you most is your own*.

J. x






*If you want proof of this, think about if someone was constantly telling their friend that they were thin, but they were adamant that they were fat and therefore lived life feeling down about it. Whose opinion is having the most effect and therefore whose matters most?

[Angel]

It's perfectly alright to have high expectations for yourself, but you need to allow a little room for a little bit of human error. We are not perfect and we cannot possibly be in this lifetime, no matter how much we may strive for it. You need to live your life the best you can, without comparing yourself to others. You are going through an experience unique to yourself. How can you possibly compare yourself to the next girl if you look at it that way?

For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I was happy. I compared myself to everyone else and it was miserable. I couldn't find my own happiness because I was too focused on comparing myself to different standards when I should have been working on improving myself instead (much like man vs. self)

Instead of spending so much time worrying about others, put yourself first for now. That also includes boys. Truthfully, if you're looking for some sort of validation you won't find that in anyone else. No one has the power to do that. By doing so you'll always be left searching. This is something deeply personal to yourself and it is something that you have to find.

What is most important here is to remember that you are human. You cannot possibly expect to be perfect without setting yourself up for some heartache. The most you can do is try to be the best you that you can be. Challenge yourself. Try and push your limits. When you fall a little short, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. There's really no shame in having faults since everyone has them. It takes bravery and strength to admit to them and do your best despite these faults. That is what is truly admirable.

You can be happy without men. It takes a little work as do all things nice, but you can certainly shape your own happiness.

[Ghost On The Highway]

I'm a perfectionist too, one who's given up in the social arena (probably an underlying cause of my depression). I have a strong desire to make beautiful things that are flawless or incorporate flaws in a complementary way. I used to be intensely grade-obsessed, not so much any more (like, really...grade...obsessed). I also have a strong interest in architecture and gardening, though I'm not exactly a pro at either

And yes, I'm quite perfectionistic about my own appearance (except in class :P). My standards for others are much more relaxed, which I find interesting. Probably some kind of inferiority/superiority complex.