Female Advice Preferred: Washing my skin away

[Ashleyhateslife]

Warning: Some people might find this really gross! I even find it gross!



I developed OCD after I was abused physically and sexually.... I am obssessed with cleaning my hands and.... Well... My area. My OCD with cleaning my hands is getting better but not the other part. I am literally cleaning down there until my labia bleeds but I cant stop! I feel so gross. I don't know why this is getting so bad. My therapist is a guy and I'm not comfortable talking to him about it. And I cant hand other people looking down there, i tried getting a pap smear before but I just can handle it being touched. I'm sorry I know this is really awkward. I think I might be getting a skin infection. Does anyone have any advise? Please.

[LeapOfFayth]

Are there any girl therapists at the same office as your therapist? You're always allowed to ask if you can talk to someone else if you feel uncomfortable, it happens more often than you think especially with sexual abuse.

[Jas]

^Agreed, and if there aren't I think it's really important that you find a female therapist somewhere. This needs to be addressed, and shortly if it's causing that much damage!
I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I hope you can get some help with it.

Also, what signs are there that you're getting an infection? Because if you really are, you're going to need some support to go see a doctor.

[Ashleyhateslife]

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and therapy Thursday. It's red, painful to touch but no fever.

[Woo! Imagination xD]

One thing you need to remember, is that doctors and therapists won't judge you. They've seen this kind of thing all before and they are there to help you. I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling a lot since you were abused, but talking to your therapist about this may help you cope a little more. I agree with Rick, in the sense of, if you feel uncomfortable speaking to a male therapist about this, then ask for a female therapist.

I hope things work out for you and feel free to PM me anytime

[Ashleyhateslife]

I don't want a new therapist. I am comfortable telling him everything else but this. And it's uncomfortable to tell other people as well.

[Jas]

^Okay, that's fair. Can you maybe write a letter instead? That way you don't have to vocalize it - I've used that trick to disclose a few tricky things. It is important that you trust someone with this though, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. Usually I would say build up to it but you're really damaging your body here, and it sounds like it's getting worse - I think it is important that you deal with this asap. Does your therapist know about any of the abuse? Is it just the vulva cleaning that's off the table?
I hope your doctor appt has gone/goes well depending on when it was today.

[Ashleyhateslife]

He knows about it all but this. All my problems caused by the abuse are going away. This is getting worse.cleaving for my appointment now!

[Ashleyhateslife]

I didn't talk to my dr. About it, I can't stand the thought of someone looking/touching down there. Any natural things I can do. I have no fever so I don't think it's infected, like I thought before. Not yet at least.