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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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I think I have an ED buuuuuuut..... - March 29th 2014, 01:36 AM

Ok, so starting around 11 I was terrified of getting fat. While I wasn't overweight I thought I was fat, I'd always try to unnecessarily cut back my portions. It bothered my friends at school that I'd refuse to eat all of the food I had with me, I'd claim I wasn't hungry but I think they knew I was.... If I had supper I had to eat what was given for me.

The pattern changed after a while: I'd binge eat. I'd just eat and eat, it was a coping mechanism for my anxiety. When I still lived at home I'd hide food because I didn't want my parents knowing, but I never hid it well, like it'd be under my bed or something so if my mom went to clean she'd find it and ask me to stop hiding my food.

I gained a lot of weight, it took me a lot time to start managing that and become healthier. But I still correlate a lot of things to my weight (ex. men must find me unattractive because I am "fat", I know I am just a small bit on the overweight side at this point but somedays I just see "huge", other days I can see myself for what I am and know I'm doing ok).

I'll feel really gross if I eat the wrong things and have wanted to "make it go away".

It's hard for me to eat in restaurants because lots of times it's not very healthy (ex. to much sugar, huge portions or full of cheese etc.) and I'll start feeling really anxious because it's to much, sometimes I'll order more than I needed and by the time I stop eating I feel disgusting.

When it gets really bad with my anxiety and all that I think that I "feel like garbage".

I think that my view of my body and food is largely influenced by my anxieties about school and the pressure I put on myself to do well.

I don't know if I can characterize it as an ED though - like if I had a "real" problem, shouldn't it consume me all the time? Like I find that I can be happy, I can feel good and I really like food and cooking, shouldn't I have an all bad relationship with food if I really had a problem? Isn't it a little off that some days are good and others are bad? Or that I might feel ok for weeks? I don't understand what my problem is. I don't know why I can transition from good to bad so easy....

Also I've never acted on the need to make the food go away, vomit freaks me out and I work really hard to be healthy, that's the thing though, I work for it everyday and I think that maybe if I had started thinking about wanting to puke 4 years ago I would have done it.




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Re: I think I have an ED buuuuuuut..... - March 29th 2014, 02:04 AM

Also, because this has been an issue for me for over 10 years I began doing research (I am a sociologist so its become an area of specialty but only more recently)... And i don't fit the criteria for anorexia or bulimia, but I guess EDNOS is a "thing", but I think it is also really correlated to the pressure I put on myself and the anxiety I feel, idk...




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Re: I think I have an ED buuuuuuut..... - March 31st 2014, 01:57 AM

Please can someone answer me... This has been here for like 2 days now and my research is starting to be really triggering and I have to finish it (it's for school!!!!)




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Re: I think I have an ED buuuuuuut..... - April 1st 2014, 06:09 AM

Hey there,

Sorry it has taken so long for you to get a response. I hope I can answer this and give you some advice. I don't think it is uncommon for a person struggling with an eating disorder to have good days and bad days. I know that when it comes to my own eating disorder I can have a good week and then the next week can be really bad. So, just because your eating pattern changes and the way you feel about your eating pattern changes doesn't mean you don't have an eating disorder. It does sound like you could have an EDNOS or at the very least some type of disordered eating.

I think you should consider talking to a psychologist about this so that you can work on overcoming these thought distortions that you are struggling with. A counselor will be able to help you figure out if you have an eating disorder and will be able to help you work on getting to a point where you can fix these distortions you are struggling with. A big part of dealing with eating disorders is dealing with the cognitive distortions that you have about food and about your weight and all of that and a counselor will be able to help you work on that. Something else a counselor will be able to help you work on is figuring out what the underlying issues might be surrounding the eating disorder and help you work on resolving those issues so that you can get to a better place.

I hope this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to message me.


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Re: I think I have an ED buuuuuuut..... - April 1st 2014, 06:56 PM

Hey,
This might sound a little silly but why do you care what eating disorder you have? I mean knowing the name wont help it go away. Why dont you focus your research on other types of diet that will make you feel healthier? For example I have heard that gluten free diets are really good, restaurants will be able to direct you to something that is gluten free and you will automatically cut off the cabs from bread and pasta? Try to do some excercise at home. However much you cut on food if you dont do exercise you wont feel anywhere near as healthy dont worry about hard core stuff there are really good yoga videos on youtube do one every morning before school and it will make you hungry for breakfast (whatever you do never skip breakfast). You must be a very clever girl but you dont need to know whats your problem and most importantly you dont need someone to tell you how you feel cos you are the only one who knows that! Look up different diets (maybe the 5:2 the one where you can eat as much as you want all week and diet lots for the weekend) ... look at options rather than at the problem itself this is my advice xxx
   
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