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Question Should I tell him? - May 6th 2015, 12:31 PM

I guess this can go here?

Basically I'm worrying about whether or not to tell my boyfriend my eating issues are back :/
We've been together for over a year, though we were very close for quite a while before we officially got together... I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I honestly love him completely and I know he feels the same in return, we plan to get engaged once we can move in together. He knows I used to have eating and body image issues, but he currently thinks I'm doing okay.
I've gone back into my old habits, becoming obsessed with my weight and how many calories I consume, and basically I feel bad for not telling him. I've told him I'm counting calories but not that I'm restricting or anything.

I've been deliberating whether or not I should tell him for a few weeks now... I don't want to disappoint him... but lying to him makes me feel so guilty... :c
   
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Re: Should I tell him? - May 6th 2015, 04:30 PM

I'm in the same exact boat as you. My boyfriend knows I'm trying to lose weight and knew that for a while I was engaging in unhealthy methods of doing so, but I told him I stopped. He doesn't know I'm actually still engaging in those behaviors and that they are even worse.

I would suggest asking yourself why you are afraid to tell your boyfriend. Are you afraid he's going to try and make you stop a behavior you aren't willing to let go of right now, or are you just afraid he's going to be disappointed in you, or is there another reason? If it's the fear of disappointment, I doubt that your boyfriend is going to be disappointed in you. It sounds like he really cares about you and is concerned for your wellbeing. Most likely he's going to want to support you. We all struggle some times, and we shouldn't be ashamed of that fact.

Guilt is a powerful emotion. If you continue to experience it it's going to eat you up inside. If you don't tell your boyfriend I suggest you at least tell someone, like a therapist or a friend. It's important to let someone know you are struggling. Even if you're reluctant to accept help to overcome these behaviors telling someone is better than struggling with this alone.


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Re: Should I tell him? - May 7th 2015, 09:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanceCommander View Post
I'm in the same exact boat as you. My boyfriend knows I'm trying to lose weight and knew that for a while I was engaging in unhealthy methods of doing so, but I told him I stopped. He doesn't know I'm actually still engaging in those behaviors and that they are even worse.

I would suggest asking yourself why you are afraid to tell your boyfriend. Are you afraid he's going to try and make you stop a behavior you aren't willing to let go of right now, or are you just afraid he's going to be disappointed in you, or is there another reason? If it's the fear of disappointment, I doubt that your boyfriend is going to be disappointed in you. It sounds like he really cares about you and is concerned for your wellbeing. Most likely he's going to want to support you. We all struggle some times, and we shouldn't be ashamed of that fact.

Guilt is a powerful emotion. If you continue to experience it it's going to eat you up inside. If you don't tell your boyfriend I suggest you at least tell someone, like a therapist or a friend. It's important to let someone know you are struggling. Even if you're reluctant to accept help to overcome these behaviors telling someone is better than struggling with this alone.
I guess I'm partially afraid of stopping... but also I don't want him to worry, I feel like it would be selfish of me to put my problems on him. Mostly though I feel guilt for not telling him, as we share everything with each other. I guess I'm just conflicted with wanting to be honest and feeling selfish...
Thank you for the advice though, I'm definitely going to think about it
   
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