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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
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This has gone on way too long :/ - May 20th 2015, 03:33 AM

I'm not sure what I'm looking for in this thread. I don't want to ask for help because I just don't do that but I'm open to suggestions and feedback on what's going on.

I've lost well over enough, logically, by restricting. But last summer I dated someone and we went out every single night to Applebee's and I gained a small portion of that back that I'm so desperate to lose but I'm tied to restricting then eating. I have a love hate relationship with food. And it's holding me back from growing as a person. I've been four years self harm free but I'm seriously considering relapsing because I hate how out of control I feel with my eating. I desperately want to love myself but I'm beginning to think that's Damn impossible.

I've given soooooo much advice and time to this specific forum in the past, so I don't know what you can tell me that I've told others and heard already. But at this point I'm open, struggling and desperate for something here.

At this point I either completely slip or I rise to recovery. Recovery isn't something I know how to do.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Re: This has gone on way too long :/ - May 20th 2015, 04:18 PM

Nobody knows how to recovery, I don't think. Its something we all take day by day and learn as we go, but you've proven that you can do it by being self harm free for four years which is utterly amazing girl. To let that go now, would be devastating.

You've got to learn to love yourself. Write a list of things you like about you, inside and outside and read through it when you feel like utter shit or when you struggle to eat, when you have urges, when you want to restrict and so on. Let it encourage you that you are a good and beautiful person. Maybe leave little post it notes about. Like on your mirror, on your bed side table, in your car (if you have one) etc saying, smile, I'm beautiful and so on to kick it all in to your brain.

Why? Because it's all true, but you just need to reinforce it. As long as you're at a healthy weight, you are fine, which I believe you are. You look gorgeous just as you are and you have the most fabulous and caring personality and you are intelligent and smart and you deserve everything good. You're a wonderful person to talk too and you give brilliant advice and we're so lucky to have have you come back to the site. You're worth a hell of a lot and I have never met someone so caring and kind. You put a lot into your work and my first thought when I saw you had come back was, another teenhelp staff member coming back because I know how helpful you are and how much you want to help people. Take your OWN advice. You deserve to love yourself. Pamper yourself and let yourself know that, okay?

I know it's hard but you can do it and I'm a step behind you if you need supporting and directing in the right way. Don't let this slip you backwards when you are worth so much more than self harm and your eating disorder. I believe in you - believe in yourself, beautiful.

All my love,
Jessie


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Re: This has gone on way too long :/ - May 21st 2015, 05:45 PM

Lynds, you've helped hundreds of users in this forum. You're always welcome here even if they're only repeating the advice they learned from you from so long.

I think a lot of it has to do with how vulnerable you're willing to be about the fight, and reaching out for help. Unfortunately, you're sick, and you can't do it on your own and you need other people to help. You can no longer live in secret-you got sick in secret, so you need to come out for the fight. This doesn't have to be public, but you need to tell the people close to you, and you need a recovery team of some type, whether that is a therapist, a group therapy, or even a couple of friends to hold you accountable. I think the most important part is that you stop hiding and actively seek help.

As you've said a million times to others, I'd also see a professional in nutrition or a dietician to get a meal plan that is meant to keep your weight stable without restricting. I have the same love/hate relationship with food, and when trying to recover, I often end up binging and then restricting to make up with it or drinking too much alcohol to make the process all easier...it can be rough. If you have a meal plan figured out to follow, it might be easier to take care of the emotional parts of recovery.

Stay strong Let me know if you need anything.


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& the sun said “it hurts to become."
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Re: This has gone on way too long :/ - May 22nd 2015, 03:28 PM

Hey there,

I don't have much to add but I wanted to reply and let you know there are people out there willing to support you.

As Traci said, you should open up about what you are going through. I learned in treatment that eating disorders feed off the secrets that we keep. The longer we keep it a secret the stronger it gets. If there are people in your life who are aware of your struggles or people you wouldn't mind confiding in then do so. I know opening up about this is hard to do. I know for me opening up about it is hard because 1) I feel embarrassed and 2) I know people are going to want me to stop. I don't know what your reasons are for keeping it a secret but the key is to let go of any fears that you might have and be open. I believe you are close to your mom so maybe you could start out by telling her about your struggles and then work on letting in friends and other family members that you might have.

I think it would also benefit you to work on building a treatment team to deal with this. Eating disorders are hard to deal with especially when you are trying to do it alone. Maybe you could get into therapy and see a nutritionist. I don't know what your situation is with insurance but if you have it then they should at least pay for therapy. You might have to pay for the nutritionist on your own but one session with a nutritionist to build a meal plan might not be that expensive.

You can overcome this. The fact that you have gone four years without self harm shows how strong you are and now it's time to beat this eating disorder. It will take time and you might relapse from time to time but if you have people in your life who support you and will hold you accountable it could prove to be really beneficial.

I am here if you ever want to talk about anything.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
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Re: This has gone on way too long :/ - May 22nd 2015, 10:18 PM

I would really like to thank the three of you lovelies for responding to this, I really appreciate it.

To touch on recovery and getting a team. I just don't think I need it.. I'm not sick enough and I don't actually think I really deserve the help. It scares me, and I've been doing this so long I don't really think it can change. I just don't think I can ever really over come this. But I freaking wish I could because this sucks. I hate hating myself.

Again, thank you. You ladies are too sweet<3


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Palmolive Offline
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Re: This has gone on way too long :/ - May 22nd 2015, 10:26 PM

I think seeing an eating disorder team might help Lynds. I know you feel you're not sick enough, but let them make that decision. You deserve help with this because like you said, this has gone on way too long. And it's great you're overcoming the self harm side of things, but this side of things need to get sorted too, you know? It's not a nice life to live, I know because I live it too and I hate to even think that you go through what I go through or have been through. You deserve so much better than it all and you can get help. Don't be afraid to reach out for it. I know it's tough but you can get through this and we're right behind you, okay?

Like I said, you're beautiful, intelligent, kind and wonderful and deserve the best you can get. If you can get help with your eating and that means you can start to work on your eating disorder, then surly that's going to be worth it, right?

Stick at it and have a good think. You deserve the help baby.


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Re: This has gone on way too long :/ - June 1st 2015, 06:30 AM

Sometimes as much as you want recovery, you want to feel the high of restricting. I think at some point, you'll become too tired to maintain the ED and not just need help, but want it. Then. you just need to find some. Not a lot, but sometimes you just need a little push/reminder now and then. It's hard to recover alone. It's a never ending cycle that seems so impossible to get out of, and so rewarding to stay in. But maybe you can find euphoria elsewhere. Just maybe.

I know this may be hypocritical coming from me.


   
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