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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Relapse again - December 5th 2017, 11:57 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I thought I was fully recovered. I was doing well and I was on fire for life. Everything was great. But things happened at the beginning of the school year that took me off of this upward trend.

I have relapsed and this time it’s much worse than before. I don’t binge and purge anymore, it’s just restricting. And people are commenting on my changing body which is so triggering. I’m not getting much counseling but I think I’m gonna go talk to my school counselor tomorrow or next week. It’s getting worse.

My therapist at school is actually triggering me and she doesn’t realize it. She doesn’t use the term “eating disorder” which makes me think “do I really have a problem? Do I not have an ED or something?” She just calls it disordered eating. And it might be because I don’t feel uncomfortable calling it ED or at least it seems that way. It’s a strong word to me somehow but I don’t get it. She also mentioned something about weight that triggered me a lot. It made me think like “well I’ll show you what I can do.”

I am just emotionally and physically not well right now.
   
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Re: Relapse again - December 6th 2017, 04:01 AM

I'm so sorry that's happening. Have you tried having a discussion with your therapist about her use of words and comments towards you? If you're nervous, what's helped me was writing down what I want to say then reading it out loud to the person. Maybe you can try that? If anything, you can ask to have a different therapist or counselor as well.
Remember your experience is valid and whatever you feel best describes your experience, that's what it is. If there's any other healthy coping mechanisms you've tried in the past to get you through triggers, try that again.
Best of luck.


THE POINT OF SINGULARITY IS NOTHING AS NOTHING BEGAN EVERYTHING
PULSING IN THE EXPAND CONSUME WITHOUT BARRIER OR BORDER
IT IS DARK BECAUSE IT IS THE DARKNESS IT IS OVER BECAUSE IT IS THE END
THERE IS NO SENTRY BECAUSE NONE DARE APPROACH
IT HAS NEVER BEEN AND IT IS ALL THAT EVER WAS
AT THE CENTER YOU DO NOT FIND THE ANSWER
YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF THERE IS NO CENTER AND THERE IS NO YOU THERE IS ONLY MADNESS
WE ARE ALL HERE NOW.
WE ARE ALL HERE.
WE ARE.

   
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Re: Relapse again - December 6th 2017, 04:11 AM

Thank you. I haven’t really coped with triggers. When I’m feel8ng really good, I don’t get triggered easily and when I do, I usually just talk back to them. At the moment, I’m not at a place where I even want to get better. Not now at least. I just have a lot of issues and I’m depressed and I’m not ready to let these thoughts go. I have so much more “control” this time. It just feels good. So my question is also that do I have an eating disorder? That’s an obvious yes. Which one might be debatable and it might fall under EDNOS or NOSEFD.

But it just bothers me if I don’t feel comfortable calling it that but at the same time, no one else does either and it makes me feel like I really don’t have a reason to go to therapy or to get better or that I’m even sick in the first place.

I’m going down a dangerous road but no one really knows. Awhile ago, I was bulimic but I think it’s on its way to Anorexia. People keep commenting and I keep refusing to eat. It makes me feel invalid when the phrase “Anorexia skinny...” is thrown around.
   
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