Obsessive, Self-Loathing, you name it.

[ChuckthePenguin]

I feel like I might be the only guy on this entire section.
Working out has always been a part of me and who I am. when I was 7, I used to start going for runs around the block. 5 years later, I'm doing 5k a night up and down the rolling hills of southwestern Pennsylvania, and then hitting the weight set in my garage, if I felt like it. I was healthy, and in control.

Fast Forward 5 very rough years later, I'm now PTSD recovered(recovering?), ran away from home and now working 36 hours a week to pay rent, and...
Going to the gym is a compulsion, for me.

I am obsessively restrictive when it comes to my eating and nutrition, but I still find myself doing what I call consider bingeing, which in reality I realize is only 2 PBJ's, or fries with my staff meal (and god help me if it's a burger or club :s) and I'm still wracked with guilt for coming home tonight,
after getting off at 2 30 AM, and eating a cup (3 servings!!!) of trail mix.

Whenever I shower, I literally can't look in the mirror without choking back tears, I usually get a couple compliments thrown my way about my physique, and at (edited) pounds and 5'9 I'm not too worried about getting bigger, but........ I don't even know how to describe it, I'm simply not good enough. I need bigger arms, more toned core, smaller waist, I could go on and on and on.

My Ideal day is spent working out, period. with at least 3 devoted to sprinting excercises and up to 6 spend lifting weights... Every day that I can't do this, is a day where I've failed, where I've been lazy and fat and made excuses, and given into myself..,
I hate myself. I can't live up to anyone else's standards, i'm never good enough for anyone and no matter what I do, I always gain the wieght back.

[Revolution]

Working out is a healthy habit, however, if it is becoming something you can't control, you need professional help. I would recommend you talk to somebody, like a doctor, about your exercise and your eating habits. Either a doctor or a nutritionist will be able to write you up a healthy meal plan about what you should be eating with the amount of exercise you want to be doing, and how much exercise is good and how much is excessive.

Seeing a counselor may also help. They would be able to talk to you about your feelings towards yourself, and help you get on the path to loving yourself and loving your body again. Talking to some close friends can help you too. Find your best friend, tell them, and have them go to the gym with you. They can tell you when enough is enough. I use my friends often to tell me if I'm not eating enough. They help me take care of myself a lot.

Exercise is still healthy, and still something you can keep part of your life. You need to also realize by exercise, you are gaining muscle weight, which is normal and completely healthy. Don't go by the scale. Your body fat percentage is probably very low, and probably needs to be higher, because we need body fat to pad muscle. Make sure you keep that in consideration that males have a high amount of muscle anyway, so your weight is going to be higher if you are actively exercise.

Let me know if you need anything else, you're welcome to message me!

[Angel]

I'm so, so sorry that you are going through this. There aren't many men who suffer from the same restrictive patterns that you are, but it is not unheard of. I have been through the hell that is known as anorexia nervosa along with my best friend who is male. No matter who it may be, it is absolutely heartbreaking for anyone to have to go through such a thing. Please know that I am here for you if you would ever like to talk. You are not alone.

Be good to yourself.

-Sylvie

[bailatyvm]

I think it's weird that people don't recognize what males go through, because a lot of them go through some things you have. There are always things that can be changed, it's something you can never escape. It's like fashion; there's always something new. But you have to learn to love yourself just the way you are. Instead of focusing on what you don't like about yourself, trying focusing on what you do like. Best of luck