I'm not sure what this is, but I know it isnt normal. :/

[Delicate Angel Wings]

This is the problem I have/been having. I'm not sure if this is EDNOS but whatever it is, its ruining me. I have disorded eating, I guess you could say. It started as skipping breakfast and lunch at school then I would nibble on things instead of eating full meals. I still never eat a full meal, but that's besides the point. I think I started doing it kind of as a diet I guess you could say, then doing it made me happy. I would get so excited when I went days without food and not be noticed. I would do this two and three times a week, go a full day or two without eating, and when I did eat it was very little. So naturally the weight started coming off, but let me start by saying I've never been big I've always been tall and the perfect size for my height. But, when I did it I got a kind of thrill out of it, even the secrets I was hiding about not eating coming up with lies to fool my mom and dad. As my weight dropped people began noticing, I've always played sports since I was a child and always been active so I had a lot of muscle loss. You could tell I was losing weight and when teachers or friends asked I told them I had acid reflux problems and that I couldnt eat much lately. My parents know I have bad anxiety problems, and when it gets bad I don't eat until they force me to. So they thought it was just my anxiety and I also told them my stomach hurt too bad to eat. I never realized how skinny I had gotten but i was just muscles and bones, and when I had workout for sports at school I would get so excited to burn calories. I began doing a light workout at home as well. Then my parents noticed more and I was scared of them finding out, which they did, so i began to eat more. I hated everybit of it. Then I began throwing up in the shower not very much at all but even the little bit I did throw up made me feel so much better. Now I'm on this cycle of eating very very few caloriesfor a few days and pigging out the next, it isn't the not eating that bothers me as bad its the pigging out. I'm constantly thinking about weight and food and caloric intake.....I can't stop.

[klh94]

Hi Bridgette. Let me start this off by saying that it was very brave of you to post this and I think that's a step in the right direction. Now, as far as where you go from here, I strongly reccommend that you go to your family doctor and tell them what has been going on and they can help you take the next step. I am more than willing to talk to you if you ever feel like that's what you need. Please keep me posted okay?

[Revolution]

Hey Bridgette,

Sadly, we cannot diagnose you with an eating disorder on TeenHelp. However, you are showing disordered behavior for sure. I'm so sorry you have been suffering with your weight, and that it has gotten to you for so long. So this is not something out of wanting to lose weight? Is it a control thing? I know how you feel, in that case. Eating disorders aren't always, or really ever, about food. It's about your view upon yourself, and control

I would recommend you talk to your mom and dad. They already have suspicions; it'll do you no good by hiding anymore. Instead, be honest, and they can help get you some professional help. If you are losing your muscle mass this cannot be healthy. That is something you need for your sports and for your health. They have the right to be worried. Hopefully they'll be able to get you to the professional help you need. Many kinds of professional help aren't terribly scary. Eating Disorder support groups are very common, and usually quite affordable. You can also get some simple counseling for your anxiety. But one of these methods should help.

Good luck! Feel free to message me if you ever need.