Triggering: Changing

[Blair]

I want to recover. I want to take care of myself and live a healthy life. It hasn't been easy. Things have gotten harder and harder since I came home from treatment but I kept going. Now it's almost too much. I'm starting to notice how much weight I've gained and it's killing me. It's so hard to eat when my body is so different. I'm back to my old thinking: that I should punish myself for not being good enough. I wanna starve myself and cut myself and make myself miserable for looking like this and for being vain enough to care so much. I know I need to talk to my sponsor about this and my therapist but I'm just so embarrassed about it all. I never realized how ashamed I truly was of my body and my feelings and just everything.

[Paige(:]

First off, healthy girls are always the prettiest. Don't forget that.
Wanting to recover is a great thing, now you have to take that leap and start slowly. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A friend, teacher, parent, anyone? If there is I suggest talking to them..or even schedule an appointment with your doctor and talk to him about it and see if he thinks going to a nutritionist would help. PM me if you ever need help (: