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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
dear diary Offline
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can't stop. - November 21st 2009, 04:07 AM

i have a drinking problem. i can't go to meetings or talk to anyone because then i would have to admit out loud to them they were right all along, and i'm not ready to do that. the only thing that keeps me in line is my boyfriend threatening to leave me when i mess up again. i always say i'm sorry and i'll change and i'll be good for maybe a few days, maybe a week, then its right back to where i started. the girl who wakes up not knowing what happened the night before or how i got home. he said he's done. he's sick of my bullshit. i don't blame him i guess. he'll never see it from my point of view. it dont mean to do the things i do, it just happens. and the sad part is the whole time im thinking he is going to be so mad at me, but i cant stop. and sometimes im scared because i dont want to stop. i cant loose everything i've worked so hard to get because of this. i dont want to be that girl. but that girl feels so alive.


I make mistakes, that's what I do.
I speak without thinking,
Act without knowing,
I drink so much I can barely walk,
I'm a fantastic lover though,
& amazing friend.
God knows I mean well.

Last edited by dear diary; November 21st 2009 at 11:48 PM.
   
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Re: can't stop. - November 21st 2009, 06:23 AM

What's weird about alcohol is it actually doesn't give you that "feel good" sensation that you think it does. It's really a depressant, which causes you to feel upset, tired, depressed, etc. Not to mention the killer hangovers you get when you wake up after a night of intense partying.

What you gotta do is keep busy. Your boyfriend is really only trying to help you out, and I suggest you listen to them. AA meetings really are your best bet, or try talking to your doctor if something like that isn't your thing. Talking to someone about your problem is the second step to recovery, you've already passed the first which is admitting the problem.

I find that most people who drink do so because of a lack of self-esteem. People think they're either unattractive, not smart, or not talented. But believe me, while I don't know you personally, I can say that you are none of those things. While you may or may not be "celebrity" gorgeous, each of us is beautiful. Both on the inside, and the outside. You are a beautiful person.

Enough of the sap Want some legitimate advice? Make the conscience decision to stop. Keep yourself busy. Find activities that make you feel good, whether it's writing songs, playing a sport, or just going bowling with your friends.

Finally. Just learn to love yourself. Really. It's a liberating, wonderful feeling to just love who and what you are. If you aren't what you love, change what you don't like. You'll be that much better for it.
   
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Re: can't stop. - November 21st 2009, 03:26 PM

To the above poster, when alcohol is referred to as a 'depressant' what is actually meant by that is that it slows down the central nervous system affecting motor skills and co-ordination.

If i were you i would just stop, getting that wasted to the point of not remembering anything is never good. I have a friend who whenever she gets drunk she gets to that point, stumbling every where, comeplete blackouts, over emotional crying, throwing up everywhere. She thinks its fun but most people who know her think its annoying and she's showing that she's not mature enough to drink responsibly. I mean my friends all like to drink and get drunk, but very rarely do we get to 'the point of no return' as i like to call it. Take a look at your self and try to find out where you're going wrong. Try when you go out drinking to pace yourself and always eat a couple of hours before your first drink.

You don't want it to start affecting your relationships with others, just try to think of what you're doing to yourself and give yourself your dignity back. You may feel good but you can still feel good getting drunk but still knowing what you're doing.
   
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Re: can't stop. - November 21st 2009, 11:59 PM

i don't know how to handle emotional pain. i started hurting myself and drinking to deal with my abuse when i was younger. after awhile it just turned into the drinking. i really want to control myself but when it comes down too it i always mess up. i can't loose my boyfriend he is my whole world. he wants me to stop drinking for a month. at first i said no problem, but it's been a day and all i can think about it going out to have a drink. i can't mess up this time. i really don't want to talk to anyone about this. i'm ashamed just to admit it on here but i need someone, i can't do this all alone. i don't know how to say no. i love the numbing feeling when i'm drunk. i can just have fun because as long as i keep drinking the pain won't come back just yet.


I make mistakes, that's what I do.
I speak without thinking,
Act without knowing,
I drink so much I can barely walk,
I'm a fantastic lover though,
& amazing friend.
God knows I mean well.
   
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Re: can't stop. - November 22nd 2009, 04:12 AM

You drink to escape. But your problems always come back.

The way to make sure your problems don't come back is to solve the problem.

I've read through a number of your posts, and I understand that you're going through a lot of emotional pain right now and you're hear for support. Now I'm no psychiatrist, but I do understand your pain. You've taken a good first step by coming here, but you can do more. Numbing the pain isn't enough, because though you numb it, it's still there.

Live life. Have fun. There's a lot of bad problems in the world, but there's also a lot of good. There are good kids, who like you, have had problems, still have problems, but they go out and change the world. They live happily despite what they've been through. I'm one of them, and I'd be more than happy to share my experiences with you, and how I dealt with them, if you have the time.

Sometimes, sharing with other's lives is one of the best ways to recover from your own hurt. Learn to live, laugh, and love simply by being a friend is a fantastic way to deal with hurt. Not drinking yourself until you're so numb you can't feel anything. That leads to nothing but loneliness and heartache, not mention the many health problems you'll have down the road.

PM your email address if you want to talk in more detail. Even if it's just to tell someone your problems in confidence.
   
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Re: can't stop. - November 22nd 2009, 03:17 PM

well my advice aint quite as insperational as some of the other posts here but ...
have u tried swapping out alc for a different less destructive substance id suggest weed and slowly cut it out of ur life


“Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.”
   
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dear diary Offline
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Re: can't stop. - November 22nd 2009, 03:32 PM

bleh, weed is my other problem. if i'm not drinking i'm smoking.

thanks larrel, i have to go to work but i will get ahold of you later with my e-mail. =)


I make mistakes, that's what I do.
I speak without thinking,
Act without knowing,
I drink so much I can barely walk,
I'm a fantastic lover though,
& amazing friend.
God knows I mean well.
   
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bremer1990 Offline
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Re: can't stop. - November 23rd 2009, 01:56 PM

the first step is admitting you have a problem. go to therapy or talk to your friends and family or anything. trust me it helps. ive quit heroin for over a week now! =]


Sober since 11/14/09
   
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