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Ok so last night I took 14 painkillers and this morning I took another 8. I told a few friends today, just cause I was incredibly faint and dizzy. I ended up walking home early and skiving 1 lesson and missing another by going home early.
My tuter obviously overheard a friend having a go at me as she was looking at me weirdly and with concern. I also scared friends and missed a singing concert I was in.
But even after all that and coming home, being sick and being in agony. I want to overdose again. It numbed out the pain and depression. It gave me a release so different and more satisfying than self harm as ever given me. I don't care if I live or die it just helped me get through today.
I want the feeling again, I want to overdose on painkillers again. Badly.
Yet I know this isn't healthy....if anyone can give me advice, a talking to or anything I would much appreciate it.
"Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2
I would suggest seeking help on this hun. This is a very bad and dangerous habit. There are other ways you can still cope with feelings, etc, try looking at the Alternatives page posted in the SH forum for a few ideas.