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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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George^^ Offline
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How To Get Through To My Friend? - July 14th 2012, 12:45 PM

I have this friend, who despite being majorly hurt and a bit angry at, means a lot to me. I'm not going through the easiest time right now, and really need her support, yet I can never get it, despite being there for her, and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for me?

One of my problems I have to get across to my friend is that I need her support, and that's more than just a petty comment. I'm trying to stop Self Harming, and I need someone, other than rants on the internet, to help me out. Yet whenever I try to talk to her I either get brushed away or she starts to make comments, or I can't because I know what will happen. - Like once I was studying my arm, the one I hurt, and she noticed, studied it for a while, and then just said "oh, your scratching yourself again" and then ignored me for the rest of the time, despite me trying to tell her about it or that I need her help and I can't do this on my own.

Another thing is, something that I've pretty much fight for almost all the time, is for her to respect me, and my identity. I know that it is hard to understand someone going from female to male, but she doesn't even try, and acts surprised when I get on her case about referring to me with female pronouns, or when she says my identity is too challenging or confusing.

I just need a simple way to get through to her, because I'm tired of pushing this aside, and she's one of my best friends, so I don't want to lose her, but I can't stand this.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
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Re: How To Get Through To My Friend? - July 14th 2012, 08:16 PM

Hey, sorry to here your having a bad time. I really hope I can help


Ok it might be hard for your friend to get used to so you should sit her down and try to explain it. Tell her you need to talk to her about it because you need her help.


It could be hard for her to understand, knowing your friend hurts themselves is hard to understand. I have been at both ends of the situation and its hard. You just have to try to force her to listen.


As for her not using the right pronouns tell her what you want to be called, so it isn’t confusing. If you keep changing your mind its understand able to get confused but if you only go by male pronouns tell her that’s how you want to be known.


If she doesn’t listen or understand then you should really think if this relationship with her healthy.


You helped me now its my turn to help you


One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.


Memento mori - Remember you must die

Memento Vivere - Remember to live

Carpe diem - Seize the Day


“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide
   
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Little Lion Man
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Re: How To Get Through To My Friend? - July 14th 2012, 10:16 PM

Tell her that you have to talk to her, and that it is very, very important to you, and it means a lot for her to listen. Then tell her everything you told us. Let her know that you consider her one of your very best friends and you need her help and understanding. Explain things to her so that she understands where you're coming from. If she still refuses to listen, you might want to consider not having her as a friend. I know you are best friends, but when someone won't care enough to even listen when you try to explain yourself and ask for help, that puts them on the not-friend side of things. You deserve friends that are there for you.
I hope everything turns out well.



Sorry I couldn't be there, I was tied to a rocking chair.


   
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George^^ Offline
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Re: How To Get Through To My Friend? - July 16th 2012, 01:11 AM

Thanks guys, I didn't reply earlier because she was over and I felt like it would be awkward to check with her in the room (my mom arranged a sleepover without asking me, not that that's unusual.)

@ Billie, I have not changed my mind, at least not to her, in at least a few months. I have told her to use male pronouns and I have told her my chosen name, numerous times. Something she said today was that "your identity is confusing, your relationship is confusing." (because I'm dating someone who is MTF)

I'll work on talking to her. I'm pretty sure she'll end up hanging out with me tomorrow. and, thanks both of you.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
PurpleMoon Offline
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Re: How To Get Through To My Friend? - July 16th 2012, 07:16 PM

Quote:
I have not changed my mind, at least not to her, in at least a few months. I have told her to use male pronouns and I have told her my chosen name, numerous times. Something she said today was that "your identity is confusing, your relationship is confusing." (because I'm dating someone who is MTF)
If you have never said anything otherwise then she has no right to say its confusing. I can understand if it was an accident. Has she ever indicated that she found it difficult to understand your situation?
And If your dating a MTF she sould think of him as female or just told her, that she is female. Sit her down one more time and explain everything and ask her if she understand.

Let me know how it goes... Or has gone


One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.


Memento mori - Remember you must die

Memento Vivere - Remember to live

Carpe diem - Seize the Day


“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
George^^ Offline
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Re: How To Get Through To My Friend? - July 16th 2012, 09:52 PM

She doesn't, and the only "mind changing" I've done is to say that I present male, but I don't fully identify as such. - I haven't been able to talk to her yet, since today my mom said I can't have anyone over today, and it's not a conversation I can have over the phone with her.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
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