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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ementine Offline
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Name: Kaliska Oldenquist
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: New Hampshire

Posts: 60
Join Date: July 8th 2012

She drives me bonkers! - July 17th 2012, 07:27 PM

I have a friend, she's been my best friend for many years and over those years I have watched her life decline with no way to help her. She doesn't accept any help from anyone at all, the only time she did get help was when she was sent a way for a few days because of some mental issues. But right after that she went back to the way she is now.

She has a new BF like every two or three weeks, she claims she loves them all. Complains about them when they aren't around and says how much they piss her off, then is all over them and loving when she sees them again.
The current guy she is dating is 17, and she claims she is dating him to teach him how to "Grow up" because he acts immature, but he has a car and his own job. He pays for most of his own things. But because he acts immature and waists his gas, she thinks he needs help. But honestly, she doesn't get that it's his money and he can do what he wants with it.

She also is the type of girl that just shouldn't have a phone. She does things with it that she shouldn't be doing at all with other guys. But her mom never checks her phone when she takes it away for bad behavior.

She is also failing in school, she says she hates the drama and all that stuff so she just doesn't go and when she does she doesn't try and then wonders why people don't help her. She's also jealous that I graduated a year early and is leaving her behind for college.

I had told her even though the extra year of high school would be good, I need to get out and start my own life.

On top of that, she is very overweight. Complains and then doesn't do anything.

So, is there anything I can do to help her but without making it obvious that I am trying to help?

Not being friends with her is not an option, we have been friends way too long for that.
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Chris Offline
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Name: Chris
Age: 24
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Re: She drives me bonkers! - July 17th 2012, 08:16 PM

I often find that friends try to help friends; with is awesome, but there is a line that we have to not cross. Sometimes we try to intervene and stop our friends from making big mistakes that they will eventually end up making. If you don't like seeing your friend date all these guys, or try to fix them, and you told her this, then all you can do is wait. She needs to make her own mistakes; because that is what makes a person grow.

The best thing for a friend to do is be there for her. Tell her your always there, and if she chooses to not seek help, then thats her problem. I see countless amounts of friendships end due to one friend trying to save/help the other when he/she doesn't want to be saved/helped. So just offer your support, and the rest is up to her.

Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Ementine Offline
Not a n00b
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Name: Kaliska Oldenquist
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: New Hampshire

Posts: 60
Join Date: July 8th 2012

Re: She drives me bonkers! - July 17th 2012, 08:24 PM

It just really drives me nuts because she's been doing all of this since she was 14 and she's 18 now. She wants to get a job and move out on her own, but she doesn't see that she can't do that because she can't even handle living with mom.

I am just going to let her keep making mistakes, but sadly the biggest mistake of all will be the one to stop her it just hasn't happened yet.
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