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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
2hot4u Offline
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my father - July 20th 2012, 02:32 AM

My dad is driving me up the fucking wall!

He is an alcoholic, and today he went on a HUGE rant, because there was not any bread upstairs, and it continued into
'fuck
fuck whats this
fucking bullshit
FUCK
jesus fucking christ
HELLO! LISTEN! RACHAEL! ~i looked up, "Yeah?"~ IF THE MARGARINE CONTAINER IS THIS FUCKING EMPTY, GET OFF YOUR LAZY FUCKING ASSES, GO DOWNSTAIRS, AND GET ANOTHER FUCKING CONTAINER!
~he THROWS it down the hall, smashing the empty container into something, then stomps down the stairs into the basement~

YOU ARE ALL SUCH LAZY FUCKING ASSHOLES! Jesus FUCKING christ! Im not going to buy anymore cocksucking groceries, you all can FUCKING STARVE!"

I hadnt realized that we didnt have bread upstairs, as I do not eat bread often. And I hadnt noticed the butter either, as I had not used it today...

this is... pretty much a daily routine. Theres been a few days when he hasnt spazzed, and lately we have had it easier cuz he is away from Tuesday till Thursdays most weeks now... but just.. i cant do it anymore!

He is not one to praise anything, I cleaned the entire kitchen one day and he came home and snapped for the laundry not being done...

Nothing can please him..

hes just been getting worse and worse since my mom passed away... I honestly dont know how much longer I can cope with this shit.


sorry for the language, that was word for word what he said though...




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R.I.P Mommy </3 July 1,1963-April 8, 2012. I miss you

It's a momentary relief from the existential terror of existence!

Had to get stitches for the first time due to self harm on June 2, 2013
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my father - July 20th 2012, 03:30 AM

You don't deserve that! I'm sorry about what's happening. You sound great.

Have you considered getting help for your father? It looks like grief and alcohol has made a mess...

Please hang in there. You shouldn't have to cope with this-- can you try to help end it?
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my father - July 20th 2012, 08:08 AM

Stay strong through all this!

First of all, it seems like your father's gotten into this state because he has lost the love of his life (I'm assuming they had a good relationship here). Immense grief, coupled with alcohol has a tremendously, disastrous effect on the human body- physically and mentally. It seems that your father has tried to find an escape through alcohol, often leaving him abusive and definitely angry at the world. It sounds like under all that, he's suffering. Try to help and comfort him- I would do this on the days he's sober. Let him see that he has you and your siblings. Professional help is always recommended.

You've done well to get through until now. Don't give up! If it seems like all you have now are bad memories, make new ones. Happy memories. Have a good social life where friends will take your mind off things.

I wish you the best of luck Rachael and don't give up. You'll always have people who are there for you. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother by the way. She must have been a great person to have a strong daughter like you! Stay strong!


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my father - July 20th 2012, 06:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shade View Post
You don't deserve that! I'm sorry about what's happening. You sound great.

Have you considered getting help for your father? It looks like grief and alcohol has made a mess...

Please hang in there. You shouldn't have to cope with this-- can you try to help end it?

My dad is NOT the type of person to get help... at all.. before my mom passed away, she tried to get him to go to AA and he wouldnt. Wouldnt even CONSIDER it. He is very stubborn and doesnt seem too fond of the idea of counselors.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Stuck.in.time View Post
Stay strong through all this!

First of all, it seems like your father's gotten into this state because he has lost the love of his life (I'm assuming they had a good relationship here). Immense grief, coupled with alcohol has a tremendously, disastrous effect on the human body- physically and mentally. It seems that your father has tried to find an escape through alcohol, often leaving him abusive and definitely angry at the world. It sounds like under all that, he's suffering. Try to help and comfort him- I would do this on the days he's sober. Let him see that he has you and your siblings. Professional help is always recommended.

You've done well to get through until now. Don't give up! If it seems like all you have now are bad memories, make new ones. Happy memories. Have a good social life where friends will take your mind off things.

I wish you the best of luck Rachael and don't give up. You'll always have people who are there for you. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother by the way. She must have been a great person to have a strong daughter like you! Stay strong!
No, its not because he lost his wife... he never really seemed to care about her to be honest, and even when she was living, he was like this. Verbally/emotionally abusive, violent episodes.. He would scream at her about her, her work, me, my sister, anything... The only time he showed he loved her was when he was crying when he found out she had died... He has been an alcoholic since she met him I believe..




http://www.teenhelp.org/blogs/2hot4u/

R.I.P Mommy </3 July 1,1963-April 8, 2012. I miss you

It's a momentary relief from the existential terror of existence!

Had to get stitches for the first time due to self harm on June 2, 2013
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my father - July 20th 2012, 11:52 PM

Don't think there's no helping your dad if he doesn't want to see any counsellors. It's a common reaction amongst people. Going there might actually mean they have to admit they have a problem. If you can't cope with it, then try and change the situation. It may be hard that he's already an alcoholic for such a long time, but why not start now? I mean, you don't want to keep living in a house like that, do you?

Really? Sorry for assuming that then. But perhaps all this violent behaviour isn't him. I mean, maybe it's just the alcohol intensifying emotions he already has. It seems like that even though he didn't outwardly show it (violent episodes, etc.), he still cared for her (cried when he heard). But really, if you do ever get a moment when he's sober, talk to him. Find out about the man and dad who's not full of alcohol- I mean what's his personality like. You might not actually know that side, but only the drunk and violent side of him.

If you have any close friends and/or relatives, get them to help you out. You can always stay with them for a while, if things ever get too rough at home or just to get out of the dangerous zone. You shouldn't have to go through this alone.


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time


Last edited by Stuck.in.time; July 20th 2012 at 11:53 PM. Reason: forgot to say something
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my father - July 21st 2012, 10:44 PM

In addition to AA, there is a group called Al-Anon, which is designed for the loved ones of alcoholics. You could attend meetings for that group and see what resources are available to you. I hate to admit it, but if your father isn't ready to get help, then there isn't much you can do... unless there is a minor child living in the household. If there is, you can report him for negligence, and he may be forced into treatment/counseling of some sort. If he doesn't comply, he could lose custody of that minor child. As an adult child, though, you're limited on what you can do. The only thing you may be able to do is get help for yourself - and once you've moved out and learned to live a life void of your father's abuse, he may be forced to get help, simply because he won't have anyone to use as a crutch or blame anymore.

I wish you all the best, and I am truly sorry to hear about your mother's recent passing away. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that must be for you, in addition to everything that's going on with your father.






   
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Re: my father - July 22nd 2012, 04:12 AM

Hey Rachel!!!
I know exactly how it feels when your dad is an alcoholic and never gets pleased with ANYTHING you do, because my dad is the same exact thing. And my dad is also verbally and emotionally abusive so just wanted you to know that i am going through the same thing everyday!!!




ďIíve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. Iíve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, Iíve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. Iíve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.Ē
- Michael Jordan


Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden
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