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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Jamesc7164 Offline
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Affair = distraught child - July 22nd 2012, 12:20 AM

I found out about a week ago that my father had been cheating on my mother twice one long term and one short term, i'd rather not explain how i found out but i did and i was extremely conflicted my father has been battling some things in his life so i was concerned for him but also disgusted and he had referred to my mother in some unsavoury terms again i would rather not share how i found out anyway i found out this morning my mother has a tracking device in his car, she reads all his messages etc so i doubt he would be dumb enough to cheat on her again but I'm so conflicted because i want to stay as far away from this whole crap but i can't. They're in a pretty crap place in their relationship, my father desperately wants to fix things and my mother is not sure, again i'd rather not share how i found all this out. What do i do? How can i forgive my father? Stay away from this whole crap? Please help
   
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Re: Affair = distraught child - July 22nd 2012, 12:49 AM

If he's truly sorry, forgive him. And try not to take sides.
Try not to get involved in their arguements. Go to friend's house or something.
I guess you can try to talk to your mom. Tell her that he really wants to set things right...but it may be better to let them work it out.
Hang in there.
God bless.
- Collies R Us aka Ally


"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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Re: Affair = distraught child - July 22nd 2012, 09:38 AM

Collies R Us (Ally) is right when she says do not take sides. It'll only aggravate the situation- I've been in the cross-fire of some of my parents' fights. It seems both of them need to be without each other for a while, just to see where they stand in the relationship. I mean would either one be willing to love the other despite their faults, despite the hardships they've already been through? Perhaps you can remind them of all the good memories all of you have had, as a family. Perhaps you can rebuild the trust- it's a vital thing in any relationship. But that doesn't mean you should make it your responsibility to ensure, that they absolutely get back together. Ultimately, it's something that they have to do themselves. It's fine to provide a little help now and then.

If you want to stay away from all this, then I recommend going out and hanging out with friends. Do something fun to take your mind off things. Make new memories right now, to overrule these new, awful ones.

To forgive your father: you could at least understand why he's doing it. Is there some aspect of his relationship with her, that he particularly dislikes?? No one is ever perfect and all humans have the ability to do incredible harm to another person. There is no good side or evil side.

I wish you all the best and good luck! Stay strong through all this!!


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
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