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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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iheartlouis Offline
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Unhappy Best friend problems - July 27th 2012, 06:34 AM

So, I've been best friends with this guy for 5 years now. We met each other in middle school, but we go to different high schools now. We still hang out and everything though. The past year I've been having problems with this one guy. And I always told my best friend about it, hoping he would comfort me. He gave little advice and always said "get over him." Around the time of my birthday(a few months ago), he stopped talking to me. I thought he was just busy, but he didn't say happy birthday to me, and I know he wouldn't forget. So i knew he was ignoring me. I asked him about it and he said he got really annoyed that whenever we talked, I always talked about my guy problems. And I understood how he felt, so I just stopped and we got over it. A few days ago, I realized we haven't been talking. The last time we talked was 20 days ago. I've been trying to talk to him(through text, skype, etc..) and he never replies. I don't think he's that busy either. It made me cry. I miss him a lot .
So what should I do? Should I try talking to him more? (I don't try talking everyday) Or should I just wait?

Btw, I stopped talking about the guy cause I didn't want the same thing to happen. So I don't know of any reasons why he would stop talking to me.
   
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Re: Best friend problems - July 27th 2012, 08:30 PM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =)

Sometimes, friends don't communicate very well with us. If something bothers them, they won't say anything until they're ready to "explode." Suddenly, you'll discover you've been doing something for months that's been upsetting them, and unfortunately, you can't take it back.

Did you just stop talking about the guy, or did you make a point of telling your friend, "I'm sorry that's all I've been talking about, it was insensitive/selfish of me and I won't do it any more"? He may still be upset because he's waiting for an apology, or at least acknowledgement that you're hearing him and fixing the problem. Right now, he may be avoiding you because he doesn't know when you're suddenly going to start talking about "boy problems" again. You need to let him know it's over and done with, and that you're not going to talk about it because you respect his feelings and understand there are better things to talk about when you're with him.

The other point I want to address is how you communicate with him. You may not realize it, but texting can come across as very impersonal and "convenient." It doesn't take much effort to type, "I'm sorry." It takes a LOT of courage to call someone and let them hear your voice, or better yet, to let them see your face as you apologize. It's much more sincere, and while it may be uncomfortable, I can guarantee it will mean a LOT more to your friend if you make that extra effort.

When did you last try talking to him? I would wait anywhere from a few days to a week after the last time you tried contacting him, then I would give him a call (NOT a text message). If he doesn't answer, leave a voice message (NOT a text message). Tell him something along the lines of, "I'm sorry that's all I've been talking about, it was insensitive/selfish of me and I won't do it any more," and emphasize how important your friend is to you and how you want to make him happy again. Ask that he call you back and tell you how you can make things right.

After that, the ball is in your friend's court. If he doesn't want anything to do with you, then it's best to move on and learn from your mistake. While it was your friend's fault for not communicating more effectively, you can now be more mindful of what you're talking about and how it might affect those around you. No one wants to hear you complain about boys all the time! Once in a while is fine, but remember to be a "fun" person as well, someone who can have lighthearted conversations more often than not. If something is really bothering you, then it might be better to talk about it with multiple friends, vs. "dumping" everything on one friend all the time.






   
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Re: Best friend problems - July 28th 2012, 02:57 AM

I actually did apologize in person. And like after I told him, I never talked about the guy again, cause I knew how he felt. I haven't really tried calling him. But the last time i sent something to him was 4 days ago. And before that two weeks ago. I will try calling him though and see what's up.
   
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