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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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ngloxo72 Offline
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Name: George Archer
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Exclamation Issues with my Step-dad - August 4th 2012, 01:19 AM

hello
Recently over the past 3 months or so, my life has just been turned upside-down. I don't really get along with my step-dad too much, our personalities just clash too much.
When I was about 7, I moved from Kent, to Wigan. When I moved, I left my real dad, and all of my family. It was upsetting, yeah. But I didn't really understand it all back then. Only recently I have been think about how I miss them all. I talk to my dad on a daily basis, normally through Kik or Facebook. But it's not quite the same as seeing him. And me and him are very alike.

Hate is a very strong word, and I don't like using it. But I lack the necessary language to describe how angry and upset I am now. Now, the trouble started about 4 months ago. I was getting upset, missing people and stuff. So I went to see the school councillor. But everything just made me feel worse and worse, driving me deeper and deeper into depression. I was so worried about everything at one point that I though I might have Paranoia. So, as I was getting sadder and sadder, I just terrible thing I never thought I would do. I was so un-happy, so guilt-ridden, that I just became oblivious to the destruction I was causing around me. These issues have been mostly dealt with except one, my Step-dad.

I can't stand the way he acts towards me and my sister, but I'm not saying that it is wrong, I'm only giving my opinions. I'm actually quite a shy person, but you wouldn't think so if you met me. I avoid eye contact, I fear expressing my feelings in real life, because I'm scared of what will happen. My step-dad has a very short temper, and can be un-predictable at times. I just feel as though he doesn't give a shit about my opinions and how I'm feeling. He says that I've always got an attitude, always looking miserable. He says my mum is covering up for me being he says I'm on 'Suicide Watch' which is just plain silly. I need to tell him how I feel about him, in a calm way that won't anger him. I need to sit down and have a talk with him, but there's something stopping me. I'm too shy and too scared to say stuff to people's faces, because I don't wanna spark a reaction. Because he has gotten angry before when people have told him stuff he doesn't like. I dunno what to do anymore.
   
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ronnymajani Offline
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Lightbulb Re: Issues with my Step-dad - August 4th 2012, 02:36 PM

I get what your saying here, and I know those kind of people.
your step dad's a kind person when you're on his good side, and since he's got a short temper that might mean that he feels like an outsider in your family and is putting up with it, for he's only trying to fit in and be a part of your lives but you constantly block him out whenever he tries to get close, and it makes him lose hope, and despite what i previously said to deal with someone such as your step-dad is simple. He is trying to be part of your life, so ask to speak with him in private, then when alone, seek advice from him about some issue you might have that is irrelevant to your emotions toward him, then after that, thank him for his support, then tell him in a childish voice (sounding innocent and small and avoid talking with any aggressive, wining, or annoying way) that you want to admit something, and tell him how you've been feeling about him lately but tell him slowly and don't rush with the words like tell him one thing at a time, tell him what your problem is with him, ask him why you feel this way even if you know, then ask how could he solve this issue (even if you know), and you'll start to bond and he'll start to feel wanted in your life, and start to treat him like a father.
I know that he'll never replace the position of your real father but that doesn't mean he can't be a part of your life, he is your 2nd father and he has the right to take care of you and be there for you, and he truly deserves your respect because he's putting up with your behavior (treating him like he doesn't belong), and you don't know what that feels like and how hard it is to put up with that, cause a lot of people would have left you guys because of such behavior, you just need to start depending more on him and show him that you've accepted his position/authority, show him your acceptance for him and he will be you friend, ally, and guide, and trust me you'll see a big difference in his reactions toward him.
Plus it won't hurt to have another man guide you through your life.
Sincerely Rny.M
   
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